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Not being a Mother

louiseGr's picture

Submitted by louiseGr on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 12:25pm

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Bio Child Free Zone

SO i am late 30's and not a biological mother.

its something i will have to deal with and actually it is something i am happy with.

smart remarks about "not understanding" as Im not A "mother" can cut deep though

Even my own partner has uttered these words....backtracking afterwards - but it still hurts all the same

Anyone else have this crap thrown at them....??

louiseGr's picture

Submitted by louiseGr on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 12:34pm

Thats a good comeback.

I think all my dreams, desires have been put on hold somewhat since the day I became invloved with a Family.

I rate myself as a step mother though - but to some old fashioned folk, its just not enough.

overworkedmom's picture

Submitted by overworkedmom on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 12:33pm

I am a mom, but I get the "you just can't love him like your own" all the time. Whatever, you didn't marry the kid you married him; and he married you because he loves you for you- right? If he doesn't think you 'understand" about being a mom then tell him to just let you off the hook when it comes to the kid.

overworkedmom's picture

Submitted by overworkedmom on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 12:40pm

You may love your step but there is no way you can love them like your own. It's different. As much as my step drives me insane, I do love him on some level. I would never let anything bad happen to him. I care about his school. I care that he is happy. I want him to have a good life. But love him like my own? Never. I did not make him, feel him grow from my body. I did not nurse him.

Having your own child or not, it is impossible to love a step like that.

louiseGr's picture

Submitted by louiseGr on Thu, 10/31/2013 - 11:53am

Thanks for your reply.

There is always something to say isnt there!

Im happy being a Step Parent. I do love the kids. Ok, so maybe "not as much as some ppl love their own kids" - but so what hey? there are no other teenagers that I love more than these two Smile

This site does seem quite good to vent - though can seem quite quiet at times

Thanks for the reply

EvilWickedSM's picture

Submitted by EvilWickedSM on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 1:52pm

Couldn't agree more LadyFace. I am an adoptive parent and I honestly could not imagine loving my DD more if I had given birth to her. Quite frankly, sometimes it overwhelms me how much I love her. I attribute that to the fact that I had to work so hard to be able to be her mom in the first place. Now, I will say that I don't love SD at all...I care and want her to have a good life, but that's about it. I may have been able to love her a little at one point in time, but i was too resentful over the way she was allowed to behave, that any fondness was never able to develop.

louiseGr's picture

Submitted by louiseGr on Thu, 10/31/2013 - 11:25am

Thanks for your reply Brie. You make sense.

Usually the "you wouldnt understand" stuff has been dished out when I have felt the stepkids are taking advantage a bit, not helping out around the place and when my partner has "given in" apparently this is when i dont understand, because I am not their Biological Parent

Executivestepmother's picture

Submitted by Executivestepmother on Fri, 11/01/2013 - 5:37pm

I finally started telling my friends, "I'm done being judged. If you don't think I understand then I think it's fair you don't understand what it's like for me either." They stopped that!

Of course being a "bio," would be different. If it wasn't no one would have kids!

boogeymom's picture

Submitted by boogeymom on Sat, 11/02/2013 - 9:28pm

I don't have kids and I have never ever wanted kids of my own, biologically or adopted. What I DO have is a Master's Degree in early childhood special education with a specialty in behavioral plans, and about 20 years of experience working with kids of all ages and backgrounds. But I don't know anything because I don't have kids of my own. Guess what...if being a parent means you automatically know what to do with your kids, MY job wouldn't exist. You don't like what I'm telling you I see? Fine. When you keep hearing the same things continually from teachers in two school districts and through 6 years of school (I'm looking at YOU, BM and in-laws), as well as a few behavioral therapists, and they're all telling you the same things I'm telling you, it might not be the entire world out to get your kids. It might be that you're blind to how bad they are, or that you just don't want to do anything about it. PS, giving birth doesn't make you a GOOD parent, either, the school where I work is RIFE with some of the shittiest parents alive. One of my students is in the custody of his great-aunt because he ingested crack-cocaine when his mom, who carried and delivered him her own self, took him to the crack house because she couldn't find anyone to dump him off on so she could go by herself for days at a time. An ounce of crack. He's 3 years old. She's back in jail AGAIN recently. But I guess I don't get it because I'm not a mom.