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Acceptance FINALLY!

OMG_Why_Me's picture

Submitted by OMG_Why_Me on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 10:09am

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Blended Family Issues

We had a rather unusual evening last night. My DH and I went to SD15' band festival. When she saw both of us there she smiled and came to us and actually hugged us both. We sat with the other band parents (BM was not there) and watched and enjoyed the show. We sent her a candy gram through the band boosters program. This is a little bag of candy with a message from the sender. Our message read "we love you." On her bus ride home I send her a text message and told her I purchased a festival program for her and would put in her room for when she's over next. She replied by text with "thank you"

Then something amazing happend...........she called me to say thank you for coming tonight. she called my cell phone, not her dads. She sounded genuinly happy. After all of the problems, fighting, challenges associated with step parenting.....a connection has finally been made.

For anyone on the verge of acceptance from your step child.....HANG IN THERE......it is possible to make a lasting friendship with your step kids. I went to bed last night knowing we'll still have our problems and we'll still have our differences, but we have finally built a level of mutual respect. I'm feeling very grateful today. Smile

OMG_Why_Me's picture

Submitted by OMG_Why_Me on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 2:23pm

My SS and I are close, I had also been waiting on my SD. If you've made it to that point with the boys, you can make it with her too! Good luck Wink

OMG_Why_Me's picture

Submitted by OMG_Why_Me on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 2:21pm

I wanted to give others some words of encouragement and HOPE. We all have our own unique chanllenges with our situations. Sometimes we come here to vent, and sometimes we come here to find a positive example of this thing we call "step familes."

good luck to all step parents out there!

Orange County Ca's picture

Submitted by Orange County Ca on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 2:57pm

You said "I went to bed last night knowing we'll still have our problems and we'll still have our differences, but we have finally built a level of mutual respect".

I'm glad you said that as I was afraid you were getting all starry eyed. BUT it is a huge leap forward and at a unusually young age. I'm really glad you made those gestures as it sounds like they hit at exactly the right time.

I'm really happy for you and I know you can keep this train on track.

OMG_Why_Me's picture

Submitted by OMG_Why_Me on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 1:08pm

How did the volleyball game go? Was your SD happy to see you? I hope your evening went well and she was appreciative of your efforts.
:?

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Submitted by Pilgrim Soul on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 6:05pm

Sounds wonderful and truly heart-warming! I can understand that you would be exstatic. Let's hope it takes.

I have a cautionary tale to share though: the closest i ever came to
bonding with my YSD16 was when last year after we came back from visiting her dying
grandmother in another state. We flew back after spending a week at my SIL's,
first came to our house and then before my DH got in the car to drive her home she came to say good-bye and gave me a hug. I was really surprised as we usually do not exhange hugs other that at Xmas. She is typically pretty subdued and not much was said but the hug stands out in my memory. Guess what? After spending some time with
her BM, who hates my DH, she came back the same as before: cool, uncommunicative, keeping herself to herself. I guess she had been debriefed as soon as she set her foot in the door, along with her brother, and the BM's response must have been such as to put the kibosh on any future rapprochement. The BM must have felt terribly threatened: her children had a good time with my DH's family outside of her magnetic field. She made sure the door that slowly began to open was slammed shut.
My skids do not return the loving overtures of my wonderful SIL either.

Poor kids... my only vague hope is that they grow up and repudiate their monster of a mother.

Be careful... your SD's enthusiasm for you might be taken badly by her BM.

OMG_Why_Me's picture

Submitted by OMG_Why_Me on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 1:11pm

I agree. BM has such a negative effect on both of my Skids. Even if she does get into her head, I'll know it's possible to make that connection.

It makes it easier to continue trying