Is this a blended family issue?
We have so so many issues. One in particular is that my husband of 2 years (we have 1 toddler together, and we have 2 teenagers each from former marriages) is so lazy. We have a lot going on so I thought maybe he is stressed...since all of the kids aren’t his I don’t say much....but in my former marriage where we shared all kids this wouldn’t fly...the lack of help.
he sleeps I swear all the time. I need to know if I need to address this or let it go....as we have high conflict divorces with non stop drama...and a 1 year old.
most of my memories of us so far are him laying in bed..he does work full time during the week. Every free time he lays in bed to just lay there or falls asleep...then he either has a headache, stomach ache or something else. I like to wake up early and do things out of the house or in. I feel like I’m missing out on my life cause all he does is sleep or lay down when there is any free time.
He will get sad and upset if I bring it up like I’m attacking him. This is causing so much resentment that I can’t even stand the sound of his snoring as we have had the last 3 days off and he’s just layer around slept.
Help!!!!! Is this normal? Am I over reacting? He is not sick and goes to dr regularly for his job.....from where his mom says as a teen/young adult he would lay in bed all weekend...
I should have added that I
I should have added that I ask if it’s a blended family issue because we have so many issues that I don’t know which battles to pick.
and in a conventional family I’d tell him get off his lazy a$$ and help me.
Are you sure he is not
Are you sure he is not depressed? or having anxiety issues?
I am sure. He is always
I am sure. He is always saying he’s never been happier. I think he may just be lazy...he is almost 50 and I think he’s always been this way.
It is causing me anxiety and depression...the whole situation but I still can’t just sleep because we work have a baby and busy older kids in sports.... somehow he just sleeps??!!
Could he have sleep apnea?
Could he have sleep apnea? Or another medical issue. A friend was shocked to find out that her constant need to sleep was because she had APNEA and was never really getting restorative sleep.
I’m sure he does. I can hear
I’m sure he does. I can hear it happening at night.
He needs to go to the doctor.
He needs to go to the doctor.
It's rediculous you are having to do ALL the childcare, I'm sure housework, etc.
Maybe it's apnea, some other med condition, or he is just lazy. Make him figure it out!
You can't rely on other
You can't rely on other people to make you happy. You have to do that for yourself. You have your baby and your teen (I assume they live with you)- go make memories with them. Join a YMCA. Take family classes. Sign up for local events, charity walks, ect. Become part of your community.
If DH wants to be a part of it, he can. Don't spend your life waiting on him. Who knows what will happen when you stop harping on him and find your own happiness.... Maybe he will see you as the beautiful blossoming person and want to be a part of your world. Maybe he won't... But you shouldn't stop your life for anyone.
I agree! That is what I’m
I agree! That is what I’m thinking about doing. I have 2 teens and he has 2 teens....I really dont want to take baby my 2 teens AND his by myself....that’s part of the issue. Or i leave his kids behind....
i dont harp on him ever....I wanted to come here and see if I should or should just let it go. I work full time and I just want to have some fun and make memories with my family....but it’s not happening and I’m exhausted from work and the baby to take it in alone.
I wouldn't take his kids
I wouldn't take his kids unless they are super good and helpful.
Just live your life in a way that your children will look back and smile. In a way that YOU will look back as an old woman and smile. Hopefully your husband will pull his head out of his butt and join in!
That seems ridiculous
That seems ridiculous considering you have a 1-year-old. My son is 16-months and if he's awake, we're both awake tending to his needs. We give each other our own time, but it's selfish for one person to ignore the baby's needs and let the other person tend to them constantly. Babies take a lot of work.
I have zero time for myself.
I have zero time for myself. I love going to work cause it’s the only break I get.
baby has the flu so we both took off the last 3 days and right now DH is on his second nap of the day.
Dear god, he's almost 50 and
Dear god, he's almost 50 and he has a toddler. *shudders*. He will be almost 70 when that kid is done with high school.
He needs to go to the doctor. Something is not right.
Plenty of men have kids in late 40s or their 50s
your comment is so inappropriate and its the same crap busybodies said to my husband when we were expecting our 1st kid that everyone would think its grandpa picking up our daughter. It actually hurt him alot because he had suffered 14 yrs of hell with exwife and admitted he had wasted all those years and in hindsight would have much preferred being a bachelor focussed on his career and savings and marrying the right person who wasn’t fake and conning him. Family and coworkers made that comment and hubby came home upset why people cared so much if he wanted to have kids in late 40s-early 50s as that was his choice...
george clooney married in his late 40s or early 50s if i’m not mistaken... There is nothing wrong with these men having kids if they can financially still provide for them to go to high school and they do not need to see a dr...
plenty of men in australia get screwed over by aussie women and end up divorcing and marrying a younger thai/Vietnamese or filipino woman in her 30s and have another 1-2 kids happily and they’re in happy marriages. They found their 1st wife cheating on them, conning them etc and settled on the traditional life in their 2nd marriage
plenty of men in their 20s-30s are real shitty dads and that doesn’t make them better than a late 40s man having kids at that age... some men focus on their career, building a business etc before settling down... age is just a number.. as long their 2 parents love one another and are committed to raising quality kids together and be productive and contribute to society, i see no problem with dads age
My husband is in his early 50s
We have a 3 yr old and almost 2 yr old and they’re active running around the house and after cuddles. Hubby is always busy with work as leaves home by 7am and back around 9-10pm at earliest and often weekends he has work functions and dinners too..
but he comes home seeing the kids all excited for him and they help relieve that stress
my husband is always jogging during the week and got a treadmill last year so i could exercise at home in privacy as its quite hard to do it with kids where we live. I think because my husband has always been active in sports that its easy for him to be active and not lay about sleeping all the time.
Op i think start first with telling him on weekends “you need to do a, b & c activities around the home as i have to do this”, if he says he has the man flu “headaches, stomach aches etc” tell him thats nice that when you have the woman flu or massive period cramps you don’t get time off and as a member of this household, he needs to contribute to the upkeep of it meaning chores and spending quality time with the toddlers (key here is quality time) that doesn’t mean he supervises the kids while sleeping and kids run around keeping themselves entertained. Hubby plays with them, feeds them, changes diapers and bathes them etc... start with that then progress
he may start off sulking but don’t give in, tel him what needs to be done and enforce it. I read somewhere that you should just be able to go nap and not announce to hubby this or that you will have a shower and he can figure out what to do with the kids. Unfortunately i find this just pisses the guy off like you dumped kids on him. Just tell him what needs to be done and when he does it say thanks or in my case i never say thanks but i do cook a delicious meal for him. This is our way we don’t have to verbalise thanks all the time to our spouse as its our actions we value more
see how that goes first