At first, I was suspicious that all he wanted was a mother figure or a more "traditional" family for SD8. It seemed like everything he did was only if it benefited her somehow. I was VERY insecure back then, having been dumped by my XH of 17 years only a year earlier. I was on my guard constantly and I'm not sure when/where it happened, but I finally began to relax and realize that I'm more than just a surrogate for SD8. Now what do I think? I think to some extent that it still probably the case. I know that I LOVED being married and I LOVED my traditional family...being with FH gives that comfortable feeling back to me again. I would assume they would feel this way about it too.

Men marry for the same reasons they married in the first place plus the new need of a mother for their children. This is more so if they are custodial parents.

You don't have any specific complaints so it sounds like you have the "neglected spouse" syndrome which is very real. With luck standard marriage counseling - repeated as necessary - will help a lot.

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There's an exception to everything I say.

Companionship, friendship, love, family...if they are doing it RIGHT. My DH did it backwards....he married the first time because he thought it was the right thing to do, because he thought he was SS's dad. The reasons you stated above don't make sense for my DH, and this time he says he was ready for a real marriage for the right reasons. I think it depends on the person and the situation. I have no doubt though that if his kids don't have a steady BM, that may be one of the reasons. Just like some women marry for financial security. Lets just hope its not the main reason, or the only reason!

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

I'm with melis, my husband married me because he was ready for a real marriage! He is my bestest friend, my soul mate, our lives are almost a mirror image of each other, finish each others sentences or starting what the other is thinking. NEVER have we had this before! It's awesome!

I think most men IMO are able to get over any bitterness towards the opposite sex (when it comes to remarrying). I also think for financial stability in some cases as the BM can walk out of a court room with a mans balls and all the poor SOB will have is the clothes on his back, if he's lucky. (this is not my case, but I've seen it happen).

If you feel it's just to be a mother figure for your SD you'll never feel like his partner.

"I aint no Carol Brady"

Looks like you’ve been a victim of the old bait and switch.

Man pretends he is interested in having a normal healthy relationship. Once you are emotionally invested you realize he was really only looking for a mother for his child. (that he can have sex with) Intimacy/romance/privacy/companionship is no longer necessary. I say "man" but a woman can be guilty of this as well.

Some men (like my ex) are only looking for a mother for their child that they are physically attracted to. What I don’t understand is why these men think getting into a relationship with a hidden agenda is ever going to work out.

FREE sex, FREE sitters. I am convinced.

"If your going through hell, keep on going, don't slow down, if you're scared, don't show it, you might get out before the devil even knows you're there" -Rodney Atkins

I could not imagine doing it for sex or a sitter.
One; I can take care of myself when it comes to sex. Why complicate things.
Think about it. Anytime I want I can have it, no effort trying to create romance, just wham bam, I know what I like, and how I like it, and then it's good night JonBoy... Not a problem there.

As far as a sitter, I am a responsible dad. I only get sitters if I need to work late and the ex can't have them.
If I have my kids I do everything with them. I plan my time out when the ex has them.
If something comes up and I have my kids. then they go with or we don't go.

I believe in a family structure.
I believe I CAN'T be everything to my kids.
I believe my wife feels the same way. We both have been single parents for many years. Sure we were able to be succeseful single parents. We still could if we had to.
We both love each other and value our parenting method's, and have the same christian values.
I am in it for our lives to be fuller, she wants the best for me and I want the best for her.

Our adventure right now is the kids.
Raise them to be good, to have a relationship with Jesus, get em to college, and watch them make thier own choices and that they live by some of our values hopefuly. and then it is all about us!
Hope we can still ski and bike ride by then...

if my husband married me so he could officially "dump" all the responsibilities on me that his ex used to handle while they were married. He just toughed it out himself as long as he could. We were in a relationship for 3 years before we married, and the last year before our marriage we bought a house and lived together. Once we moved in together it was a slow trickle of things he stopped doing. The biggest one I noticed immediately the most was he stopped cooking meals. He used to love to cook a meal at least once a week. Now he almost never does it. Blamed it once on the fact that because my DD said she didn't like what he cooked once it "ruined" it (although he admitted that her behavior was due to her being a child). And now that we are married, I swear he's trying to dump it all on me, every "non fun" responsibility related to his kids, paying his bills, etc. Really pisses me off! I love him but, often wonder if I made a mistake moving in with him in the first place...