Cancel SD hair appt bc of what DH did?

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My DH has done some pretty messed up things lately. Long story short, he lied to me all year about his tax withholdings and I just found out yesterday when I did our taxes that we owe $1900 because of his bad choices. Then today, he had a doctors appointment to get checked out- we've been trying to get pregnant with no luck and my dr said this is the next step- and he refused to go to the appointment.

Last week, I scheduled SD6 a hair appointment as a reward for a good report card & the appointment is Wednesday. I'm considering canceling the appt because of what DH did. I don't want to take it out on her, but she is the only thing DH seems to care about & I want there to be consequences for what he did.

Waft do you think?

Your SD didn't do anything

Your SD didn't do anything wrong. Why hurt her in order to get your husband????

You really need to pay attention to your anotherchild
actions. His behavior is screaming loud and clear that he does not want another child.

I know, I don't want to take

I know, I don't want to take it out on her; I just think that is the only thing I could do that DH would really care about. But you are right. It's not fair to her.

It would be cruel to the

It would be cruel to the child to promise her a reward and then take it back because you're pissed at her father. The kid didn't do it and it's not her you're mad at...so why hurt her and/or disappoint her. She'll have no idea why you've cancelled and I seriously doubt you're going to tell a six year old child 'because I want to hurt your father so I'm hurting you which will punish Daddy'.

For Pete's sake. Kick the lying fool. Don't cook for him. Burn his favorite pair of jeans. Whatever the heck it takes to let him know you're angry. But don't punish the child. I'm actually surprised you thought of punishing a child because you're angry at your husband, but I'll assume it has more to do with you being hurt over the dr appointment. He's not taking your desire of a child seriously so you want to strike out at the child he does have. She's an innocent kid who has nothing to do with what's wrong between you and DH. Don't put her in the middle of your troubles.

I' really sorry your DH is being an ass about lying and that he's stalling on the 'another baby thing' when obviously you'd like a baby very much...but trying to hurt him through the little girl won't 'fix' what's happened. Count to ten and come with a better way to express your anger/disappointment with DH.

Thank you for one of the only

Thank you for one of the only helpful responses, tvp.
I was simply considering it. I had not mentioned it to SD and was not wanting to punish her bc of something DH did. That's why I asked for opinions. I feel like SD is the only thing DH cares about and I was looking for something effective, that's all. It really had nothing to do with her. I am going to take her to the appointment. In the meantime, I didn't cook dinner tonight and haven't really even spoken to DH since I got home from work.

If you keep this up, you're

If you keep this up, you're going to push your husband right out the door.

Sooner or later he's going to get sick of your hurting/threatening to hurt his daughter when you're angry with him or BM.

Well if thinking about

Well if thinking about canceling a hair appointment is the worst thing I've done then I guess I am pretty great- thanks!

ignore her Christinen.....

oh my god, would you get a

oh my god, would you get a life....do you go back through everyone's blogs???????...... :sick:

Ok, let me clarify. Me "DH

Ok, let me clarify.

Me "DH remember your doctors appt is tomorrow at 3pm"
DH bitching about how he doesn't need to go to the doctor & states he "can't make it today."
I stated "if you can't make the doctors appointment then I can't make SD's hair appt on Wednesday."

I honestly thought that would make him go to the dr appt but it didn't. He canceled his appt. I didn't even intend on it getting this far.

OP, why do you strike out at

OP, why do you strike out at that poor child when her parents make you angry?

I would only cancel the appt

I would only cancel the appt to give yourself time to pack your stuff and get out of there. Your DH is financially deceitful and doesn't want a kid with you. However, packing up isn't that easy...

BUT...

go on a vacation or stay at a friends house for a couple of weeks. Disengage from your DH to clear your head and get answers. Please keep the appt with your SD. She's going to need you.

That's exactly the thinking

That's exactly the thinking of a ex-wife who keeps the kids from seeing their father because she hates the father. What sort of mind set drives women to do this?

STOP trying to get pregnant. Don't have children. This guy is not a keeper and neither are you. Get a divorce. Find a guy without children who doesn't want any. Make sure he has a vasectomy and do NOT have any children. I think if you really examine your inner feelings you'll find that you don't want them and you know what - that's OK. I love hearing women say they don't want kids because I know kids won't be brought into a home where they're really not wanted.

There's no way he got a

There's no way he got a vasectomy. He's a big baby with medical stuff. But I see your line of thinking. SD wasn't planned and DH and BM weren't married so it's not like they would have made that decision together. Could be something else though for sure. That's why I wanted him to go get checked out.

Because it's effective,

Because it's effective, that's why. Sometimes the kids are the only thing that will get through to someone. I'm not saying it's right, just that that's the reason.

Wait, what???? It isn't

Wait, what????

It isn't effective. Using a child as a pawn is sick.

Sick but effective. BM uses

Sick but effective. BM uses SD as a pawn with DH constantly & it works. We have SD full time with no child support AND BM claims her on her taxes bc DH is too much of a bitch to stand up to her for fear of losing SD. It works very well.

OMG This has to be a joke.

OMG

This has to be a joke. If not, please rethink having a child. If you think using a child to manipulate an adult is effective, then you're not ready to be a mother.

If he has a child with you, he will have two crazy BMs to deal with.

I'm only saying it's

I'm only saying it's effective from what I see with BM and DH. BM threatens to take SD and DH does whatever she wants so he can keep her. It's been going on for 5 years.

Of course. I was just giving

Of course. I was just giving an example because Orange County brought up ex's using the kids as pawns and I was stating that I see it with BM and DH all the time.

Good bloody grief! This is

Good bloody grief! This is flamin' pathetic! You CANNOT take your anger out on a kid - no matter what!!

Put on your big girl panties and blast the shit out of your lazy, useless, lying good-for-nothing DH.

You should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking about this!! Your moron of DH needs to learn to communicate with you ffs! And if he ain't ready to have a kid, and you are.. then you need to get the hell out of dodge and find someone else!

Yes I am keeping the hair

Yes I am keeping the hair appointment.

As far as DH, that's what I'm trying to figure out. All he had to do was go for a physical & most likely blood work. Not the end of the world. He knew how important it was to me too. I mean he says he wants a baby, he talks about it a lot, & he was very on board with me getting off birth control.. I would never try to get pregnant with someone I didn't think wanted a baby with me.. That's what BM did to him (lied about being on birth control then refused to get an abortion). Things just are not adding up.