How can I stop feeling like this?
As I'm sure all of you have read.. my ss's are difficult.
One isn't so bad, the 14 year old. Although that's comparing him to his brother, who is I'm sure somehow related to satan himself..
Compare the 14 year old to other 14 year olds and yea, he's difficult. Talks back, argues, tells his dad no, is a freaking slob.. has a sense of entitlement like no other.. probably normal for a 14 year old, but he has been this way since I met him. There are days when I'm like he's ok and I actually like being around him.. but they aren't frequent.
The 12 year old.. let's face it. Him and I can't stand each other. He knows it, I know it... freaking everyone knows it. There is such a long history here of him lying to cause fights, tattling to cause fights, doing shit to cause fights, making up stories about me - all of that and more combined with his overall shitty demeanor and manipulative ways.. I simply can't like him.
I have tried to like this kid.. I have given him the benefit of the doubt, chances to prove he can be trusted, whatever.. never fails to turn it into a clusterfuck and try to flip it into something it isn't..
Both are loud.. like really loud. normal conversations lets say on a scale from 1-10 are what, like a 3 or 4..?? 7 outdoor voice and 10 yelling.. they are a constant 7-8.. They do not talk. It is not fun to be in the same room as they are.. or the same level of the house. You can't talk on the phone, watch TV or even think..
I have attempted to talk to them about this.. it's useless. I think it's part of the reason sk12 has no friends.. he is that kid - the one that laughs too loud, talks too loud and says things too loud that are just stupid and makes people look at him and go "WTF?" - tried to have that conversation too.. about being socially aware.. ha ha nope.
It's just unpleasant when they are around.. nothing is ever easy, everything has some form of pushback.. they are inconsiderate and selfish.
My poor daughter - who is now 11, looks at these guys and sees all of this.. THANK GOD she is a good kid who just get's it.. she sees how they are and is like "WTF?" (not literally, I'd whack her upside the head if she swore).. The only good that comes out of them being such asshats is that she probably won't date and might be a lesbian.. lol j/k - she thinks Justin Beeber is a hottie, so we're good there..
I just don't like these feelings.. I can't go through every day feeling like this, can I? Like "shit, they are here" and want to go hide. The days my daughter isn't here and it's just me and THEM.. after dinner I go hide in my room.. DH gets pissed because I do this and is like "come down and watch TV with us." No, I'd prefer to read. Why? Because you can't watch TV with them.. it sucks - they have to comment and talk and make up stupid alternate situations.. then, because they won't shut up, have to rewind the show constantly because they miss things.. so you end up watching the same scene 5 times - a 30 minute show takes an hour and don't let me get started on how frustrating it is to watch a movie with them.. I'd rather pull out my toenails one by one..
I've had people tell me to just love them and they will come around.. uh, no. I can't just love people that treat me like I'm invisible most of the time and add nothing good to my life. I can't just love people who argue with every little thing and think the world owes them something..
I have disengaged to some degree, but this is my home and well, I can't just not do some things - like cook breakfast and dinner and leave the SK's out. I won't do anything special for them and really don't even talk to them because I simply don't care about them as people.. that is not who I am, but who I have become with regards to them.
(((hugs))) back at ya.. Yea,
(((hugs))) back at ya..
Yea, I have a hobby that I enjoy - I got away from it for a while because THEY took over my life.. and probably because I was depressed.. but now I have dove back into it with zero guilt about taking "me" time..
And this "me time" can be enjoyed with my daughter.. which is nice
I know.. clueless advisors - It's not like I entered into this disliking these kids.. just the opposite.. I think I was naïve and thought if I just treated them the way I treat my daughter and have the same realistic expectations (uh, like don't talk back, argue, disrespect) that things would be fine.. That they would see "hey, she's pretty awesome if we aren't dicks all the time.." Nah.
The hiding in my room thing pisses me off. But it's better than the battle I would have to fight to get their asses out of the nice great room..
YOu sound very much like me.
YOu sound very much like me. My skids are the same way. I simply cannot enjoy them. Once in awhile I feel like I might be ok with my SD7 but neither her nor my SS12 have any friends. Same thing, high sense of entitlement, too loud in most situations, everything is a battle, they seem to question everything, they have no friends because no one would enjoy them. Other people look at us the same way, even other children. They are pushy, rude, just basically unaware of others. I am one of those moms that makes sure my own children "get" how they are affecting others. My skids could care less, or if I talk to them, they overreact and pout like we've crushed their entire world for correcting them.
Anyway, I've also disengaged for the most part. I hate it when they are here. My DH understands me and knows they are obnoxious (he's realy really trying to help them) but he too wants me to do things with them. I just want to run away. We have bio twins that are influenced by their behaviors and we hate that.
How long have you been married? Is it worse or better than the beginning? We've been married a little over 3 years and it seems worse to me. I thought I could feel love for them but it's just not happening. If only they were cool kids....
It's a sad feeling of
It's a sad feeling of despair, huh?
I have tried to help them.. and they give me the same reaction.. Like I am the most evil person on earth.. I have had the same type of conversations with my daughter about things she does in social situations (although NOTHING at all like what sk12 does) - just how some things she might say and how she might say them makes people around her look at her like "did you think before you asked that?" and when I explained it to her she was like "ooh, I get it" and was thankful.. That's our job as a parent, right? Nope.. we are step moms and we only parent with the sole purpose of destroying the skids.. right.
My DH sometimes understands.. sometimes does not. He gets fed up with them and hides as well.. other times, I'm a bitch who hates his boys? Mother Theresa herself would bitch slap these kids daily..
We have been together since 2010.. and yes, it has gotten a hell of a lot worse. I came into this with love and trying to understand these kids.. trying like hell to be supportive and talk them through all the divorce/custody crap they went through and even shared my own stories from my childhood to somehow show them that I understand more than they think..
Funny thing is.. over the 4th of July weekend I was up at DH's parents house. The whole family was there - including the sk's cousins who are all boys ranging in ages 2 - 14. The sk's have talked mass crap about me to them (mostly sk12) - about how I am a bitch and all my rules suck.. Well, over the course of the 4 days we were up there I hung out with the cousins.. a lot. No ulterior motive - this was just the first time I got more than a few hours with them..
The 6 year old absolutely was glued to me.. wanted to be around me and my daughter every second - we had a blast. The 2 year old - same thing.. loved me! The 12 year old.. same thing, hung out, played games with me, showed me and my daughter cool games to load on our kindles, etc. Even told me all crap sk12 said about me and when sk12 was a jerk to me, called him out on it.. lol
People noticed.. and they commented.. my MIL and SIL both said "wow, kids love you and you are great with them".. my reply "yea, especially ones that have respect, kindness and consideration"... they agreed and even said this to DH and the Skid's.. like "look at how much you cousins gravitate towards her - she is soooo fun"... OMG.. they got pissed!
I now adore my nephews and look forward to seeing them.. wish I felt this way about the skids.. can't do it..
My skids demand attention and
My skids demand attention and if I even show any amount of interest in what they are saying or doing, they think I want to see everything they can do. "Watch this!" and they do some stupid thing like twirl around or stand on one foot. I'm like, "Ok?" Am I supposed to be impressed with that? Show me when you learn how to ride a bike (neither can) or learn how to tie your shoes (SD7 can't and SS12 leaves his untied unless we FORCE him to do tie them).
I'm so glad they got to see you connecting happily with other kids their age. There are plenty of other children they can learn from but do they? We try to arrange for ours to meet other children and even have play dates but the invitation is never reciprocated. I'll comment on how well-mannered the other children are when they come over (most are at least compared to my skids). Most of our friends are forgiving of their behavior so they are tolerated at social gatherings but beyond that, we are at a loss as to how to help them make friends. They baulk at any advise, yet they seem desparate for friends.
How do yours play? Mine think fun is to wrestle pretty much every time and we both don't allow it because it seems way innapropriate for the 12 y/o boy to play like that with a 7 y/o girl. So they mostly try to just be as loud as possible - I get so tired of the forced loud laughs and/or screeching cries of supposed agony. My DH says they either sound like they are at the greatest party ever or are about to kill each other. The sad part is that they are each other's only friend. So despite their obvious developmental differences, they depend on each other for social interactions, yet they torment each other too beyond normal sibling rivalry. My older two are 5 years apart (boy/girl) and they've never interacted with each other the way these two do, nor did my brothers with me or my DH with his little sister. Sure there's the normal teasing and all but these two are ridiculous. I hate every minute with them but at the same time, it's pretty pitiful.