I actually harbor NO ill feelings toward my SD6. She is an awesome kid! So much so, that I'm afraid that I will like her better than my own bio kids (once I have some).

I don't like her BM. She's a freak.

All 3 of them. SS stb 22 is grown and has his own home and never had more than one or two waves in the sea with him and BM#1. I've helped raise SDs 14 & 10.5 (been their SM for 9 years now) and while they aren't mine, and the love is not quite as unconditional and forgiving, I truly do love them with all my heart. They are great kids and I'm truly blessed.

I love him most times. But I just wish he was better behaved and not so starved for attention. He really pisses me off sometimes with his attention getting behavior and things like that. I know he hasn't had the easiest life and he does need positive re-enforcement, but sometimes its so hard when I'm trying to do so much for him and be nice to him and he acts like an evil little shit.
It annoys me how spoiled he is and how he is used to getting his own way.
He's headed for a very disappointing adulthood. I don't know. On his good days, I'm all about being around him. The bad days, I want to drop him off down at the port and put him on a ship to Saudi Arabia.
That's how I feel.

Soooooo, I have the same feelings that every parent has for their kids.

Sometimes he drives me absolutely bug screwy.
Sometimes he makes me swell with pride(or rage depending on the day).
Sometimes he makes me shake my head in utter disbelief of his behavior.
Sometimes he is the sweetest kid you have ever seen.
Sometimes he is the most frustrating little shit imaginable.
Sometimes he makes decisions that strike me with awe on how much maturity and character he exhibits.
Sometimes he shoves his head up his butt and rolls through life as a donut refusing to look ahead and use his head to avoid problems and difficulties.
Sometimes I do want to strangle him and seriously consider sacrificing a goat to induce a well placed meteor strike on a SpermClan family reunion (that he missed because THEY scheduled it when he is not going to be there).

But, he is always MY Son. And though sometimes he drives me crazy ........ I love the not so little shit.

Don't get me started on SpermDad and the SpermClan. That is nearly an entire gene pool consisting of toothless total wastes of skin.

Thank God my Son got most of his brains and character from his Mother.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

Are pretty good kids overall. Jbee, my SS10 also tries to get negative attention more often than I like. He is constantly competing for DH attention and is so obnoxious sometimes that it really annoys me. I think BM babies him too much and likes him to act very dependent on others. She encourages his anxiety about making any decisions for himself. He has very low self-esteem which is supported by her constant control of every decision she makes in his life and constant criticism.
SD7 is more like her Dad, funny, outgoing, very caring of others and we get along very well. She and I are the only girls in the household. I also met her very young so I think she sees me more like a second mom. I do not have any kids of my own right now but DH and I want to add to our family.

I know I used to get so annoyed by skids and their behaviors. I can also see where Minniemom is coming from with being angry with skids b/c of BM. I also struggle in this area and try to separate that from the skids. I try to remember that they have both BM and DH qualities together.

I try to realize how difficult it must be for two young kids to have to live in two separate homes b/c of the choices their parents made. They follow the warden's rules at BM home and then come back to our house where things are normal. In the end they only kids adjusting to a messed up situation where they have two separate homes/rules/expectations to follow.

JamaicanMeCrazy
LIVE LOVE LAUGH

I have often stated both on ST and to my DH that I feel cheated because of my lack of relationship with my SD18 & SD22; I wanted so much to be a good SM to them because their BM was such a piece of shit (SD22's words, not mine, but I concur with this assessment)but they both made it next to impossible to forge any kind of bond. After more than two years now, I don't feel much closer to SD18 than I ever have and even less with SD22. I would be ecstatic if they would just give me the chance to bond with them and show that I can be a loving, caring SM. I don't have bio kids and probably never will, so it's heartbreaking to feel this way.

She is a complete spoiled brat and clone of her crazy, lesbian mother. Anytime she is around she needs to have CONSTANT attention paid to her and is SO annoying and loud (even when I am trying to work) and she acts like she's 3 most of the time. SD12 is a good kid for the most part...she is more like DH in looks and personality. Only problem is, when she is around SD15 she acts like SD15 is her GOD. PUKE!

They both dress like BM...in basketball shorts and baggy t-shirts, rarely shower or wash their greasy hair and don't ever wear make-up (and they need it). They are completely obsessed with basketball, just like BM and SD15 lies, manipulates and complains...just like BM. And of course, when they DO shower they shower TOGETHER. Something their wacked-job mother taught them. EEWWW....

Nasty! :sick:

I do not have that maternal bond with my 3 year old SD, at this point. I know that for most it is a gradual process, and it doesn't happen over night. I do feel guilty, though, because my fiancee has a strong bond with my bio daughter. The situation with SD is far more complicated than our situation with my bio daughter... their personalities are like night and day, and SD is experiencing a lot of emotional trauma from the fallout of her parent's relationship and the fact that her own mother is slowly abandoning her. We didn't know when I moved here, that this would be our fate with SD... this happened gradually. BM has forgone child support and pretty much all time spent with her child, so that she can start a new life and have another unplanned pregnancy with a new boyfriend.

I am lucky enough to have a very supportive fiancee. He goes out of his way to make me feel special and appreciated. He takes my advice very seriously when it comes to SD, and he tries very hard to not parent out of guilt... and he knows that he has been guilty of that, in the beginning before I moved in. He is a great person, and a great father.

She gets on my nerves for sure, but she's generally a very good kid. My hope is that I can genuinely love her in the future. My problem isn't so much with her, but more with how FH allows her to manipulate him. And because she knows that she can manipulate HIM, she thinks she can manipulate everyone else in her life too. FH doesn't see it as clearly as I do...but even BD14 and BS18 know exactly what she does. Plays people like a flute. But...that's not her fault.

There's a lot of things I don't like about my situation like never being able to be naked in my own home, losing all of my freedom and independence, and never getting alone time with DH. I don't think SS is a terrible kid or anything. He can get annoying and DH thinks I'm magically supposed to be impervious to SS's annoying behavior, which just makes things more annoying. I wish there was shared custody so I could get a break sometimes and so much wouldn't be expected of me. I wouldn't have raised my child the way SS was raised, which has given him certain traits I don't approve of. Overall, from what I'm reading here his behavior is pretty normal for someone that comes from a broken home and is the result of guilt parenting. (ie exploiting bio parents emotions, laziness unless its something he finds fun, being spoiled, sense of entitlement, lack of appreciation for anything)

I don't hate the kid but honestly with all that's been going on lately with his wanting my unborn child to die, his meanest towards my pups etc... I just want him gone. I know that isn't going to happen but hell I'd even go for having only EOW visitations but of course BM and DH will never go for it.

BM loves that she has 1 less child to deal with and DH thinks SS is better off with us since BM is so unstable, which is true she really is unstable but I'm not sure how long I can take SS before I lose my cool especially if he even looks at this baby cross eyed.

I blame most of this all on BM but then again SS is almost 11 years old he knows the difference from right and wrong so I can't blame it all on his mother being a horrible person.

Which is one of the reasons why I put up with the crap that I do from BM. The other reason being... I love his FATHER more than life itself. I could not have hand picked a better child to love as my own!

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )

She has hurt both of us so much with being her mom's puppet and mouthpiece. If she ever wants to talk to her dad again I will be happy for him but not sure I can go back to as nice as I was the first 9 years.

I feel like I was wrong about her and she didn't love me or her dad like I thought. Like she is some different person than the one I knew. How could she love either of us if she can treat us like that?

I don't wish her any harm but I would no longer do anything I could to help her succeed - that part for me is done!
_________________________________________________________
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.

William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2

I don't dislike my SD3. However, for some reason I am unable to have a strong bond with her like FH wants me to. She tells me she loves me all the time, always wants to be with me. But, I can't bring myself to tell her I love her back. I think a big part of it is I sometimes fell like I have ripped off in my relationship. Meaning, I never have alone time with him. Whenever he is off of work he has her. Don't get me wrong, I love FH but sometimes wish it was different. SD gets on my last nerve so much and manipulates FH but I guess I wouldn't say I hate her or even dislike her.

I know what you mean about feeling riped off... whenever my fiance has time off from work ( since he has to work to pay a large amount of child support) .. we always have the kids. Not only do i feel like a insta-parent but also like second best... its a hard thing to get used to.. to say the least.

my SD's all 3 of them. I never went for the motherly bond with them, because I'm not their mother. Overall we have a pretty good relationship, the oldest died two years into our marriage so I didn't really have a chance to build a good relationship with her.

So while I have great SD's and a husband the events that have happened have put our family to the test. All our lives will always be intertwined in some way shape or form.

most of my frustration is geared towards my DH because it's his behavior (along with the BM and their grandparents) that makes them so entitled and lazy. If he'd just stop being such a coward and get mad at them once in awhile instead of hoping I'll do it, they may just become better people.

When it's just me with them, I have no issues with them. When I watch their behavior manifest to entitled princesses when he's around, it makes me angry "about" them more then "at" them.

and I am also frustrated with the fact that my DH suddenly seems to think that now that I am his "wife" I should now be responsible for all the crap his ex used to do while they were married. You know...all the stuff he had to suck it up and handle after his divorce. I have two kids of my own. I'm done with that. It's not like I thought before I married him "gee, only one husband and two kids isn't enough, please give me 4 kids to be responsible for. :shocked: I don't mind doing some of it...but geesh, I can't and won't do it all. That on top of the fact that the SKids are as lazy as all get out...is NOT a good combination

I don't care about my SD anymore. She has lied, betrayed, and manipulated her way out of my life. I feel very sorry for my DH. Yes, he certainly created the stepmonster but he did it out of love and GUILT. The holidays are the worst: SD and I tolerate each other, are civil but it's cold. I see how it hurts my DH but there are some people that I cannot - willnot allow back into my life and SD is one of them. I support my DH's relationship with SD and never complain about the $'s that he provides to her (except here ) and am not jealous of any time that he spends with her. I have 1 major rule and that is SD and I do not spend time alone with each other. I don't trust her and believe that she will create a drama scene or make one up. I'm done with her lies and my life is so much easier without her drama.
Glynne

I don't love everything about the way they are being raised, however. Like lots of stepmoms and dads on this site, I think my expectations for kids are a little stricter than my DH's or the BM's. The kids get away with more than I would like, but they are good kids at heart, BOTH of them (which would be news to BM, who thinks the older one walks on water and the younger one is Satan incarnate).

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

I care about my SD. I want her to succeed in life. I have her in my will. i know things haven't been easy on her. I can't stand what a mess she's made of her life though. She has stolen from me repeatedly and blames me for it. At this time, I dont want her to be in my life. Too much water under the bridge.

such a harsh word, but if the shoe fits..........kteach & nodrama-- nail on the head ---- feel totally ripped off and they aren't so bad alone, but when you throw in dh and mil -- omg i could absolutely f'n puke.............

i don't want to hate them ---- but i'm not developing that bond either and it's been 7 yrs....... poor dh ---- he is in such a bad place when they are here --- b/c he knows i'm in a bad mood and he trys so hard to change my mood, but then i hear or see the ass gnats and my mood goes south again..... and they are here just under 50% of the time...... but when they're gone like this weekend -- things are awesome........ skids, bm & sometimes mil (regarding skids) are truly the only thing we fight about.......

If I hated him, that would make accepting him despite he's not DHs bio kid soooo much harder. I despise BM though. There is no one in this world I despise more than her. But SS12, especially the older he gets, its easier to handle. When we had him full time, I was annoyed by him A LOT, because he was very whiny, obnoxious and picky as an 8 yr old. But, he's not disrespectful, which is the #1 thing I hate in a lot of kids. I am counting down the days until he's 18 though so we can stop paying stupid BM. I will say that I don't consider him family though. While I think he's a nice kid overall, we don't have a very close relationship with him, he is far away, and he is getting to the age where he doesn't want to leave his friends to come visit. That totally pissed me off at first, but when I thought about, my dad moved away when I was 12 and I was the same way. So I've let that go

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

I don't hate the Skids. They aren't bad kids. They tend to manipulate the DH which is normal for kids from broken homes, but to say that I hate them would be a lie. They don't disrespect me and they get along with my Biokids as if they were all related by blood. My kids love them and they call each other brothers and sisters. No one refers to each other as Steps...They call me by my first name and when introducing me they will say I'm their SM. I think it's the BM drama that makes me sometimes look at them with such disdain. In my heart I know it is not by any means their fault that the mom is such a basket case. Nor is it their fault that she uses them as a tool to get to my DH. Because SD9 is still so young she can be manipulated by the BM and she relays messages to DH about things she needs like shoes or clothes and stuff. But DH no longer gives in because it became very clear to him that BM was misusing the CS because he would provide the kids whatever they needed in the end. Once he stopped providing she stopped asking.
I came home yesterday and SD9 was sitting on her bed watching tv. When she saw me she jumped up and hugged me. I can't hate her. She's a little kid. Do I want to strangle her sometimes? Of course....But I want to strangle my own kids every now and again. It is natural! Kids have that effect on adults they know how to fuck with us and they do it very well.
If I had to choose? I'd have picked a man with no children but how fair would that have been since I have my own baggage? It is all relative I guess. So my answer is NO I do not hate my Skids, but don't think that won't mean that every now and then I won't have a big Skid meltdown!!!!

I do love my SKids! I agree with the statement "I don't love how they are being raised!"

Of course recently I have been told to "butt out" of his raising his kids.

We will see what the counselor says on Monday morning!

Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
Erich Fromm

While I don't love my teen (s)kids as if they were my own, I do love them in my own way. I DO however resent them a great deal. Since moving the (s)kids in with DH & I on a FT basis a year and a half ago (w/o being consulted and w/o my consent as there were other options that could have been explored prior to taking this step) because of BMs inadequacy and inablity to secure a home(got 'asked to leave' from her mom & dads) or a job to support them (she holds a paper BA she has never practiced in 20 years waiting on a Management position), things have gone south for DH & I - whom as of late I have also come to resent. Had I known then what I know now, I would have steered clear of marriage and continued our BF/GF living arrangement. We were happy then. DH will be deploying to the Middle East early 2010, by custody agreement the (s)kids will go to to BM - and I can't wait!!! I need a break. The sad thing is - DH will also be gone.

I don't love Zippy-but I do not hate him either-he is a product of his Bio-Buddies (I would NEVER call them parents)-like I'mawreck I resent having an almost 17 year old 24/7 due to "surprise" custody and Zip's BM is a parental "No Show" when she had him 50/50 and when she didn't. I feel badly as she never even calls him to tell him she is thinking about him-but he better ask how high to jump when she is around.

I guess I could say I am ambivelent towards Zippy now-hard "acting" gracious every day-and I believe Zip will be like his older half sister-she NEVER calls DH -even though he raised her since she was a toddler-Zip will eventually move out and we will never hear from him again (not in DH mind-he is still picturing the Waltons!

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

I love both of my skids and I have since day 1. Aside from the screwed up crap they go through with their BM they are overall good kids. I do however get very annoyed when SD tries to act and be like BM. SS annoys me with his baby-ish ways.

out of me so much. Especially because when she does something bad I can't properly (as I would with my own child) discipline her... and she also lies a lot, and pretends that i "hurt" her every now and then.

Even like that, I LOVE my stepdaughter, in a way i didn't think i was going to a year ago, when I saw her like a random kid I was "babysitting". I want nothing but the best for her. And as long as my husband makes sure that she respects me, and he shows her that we are a team, and our marriage comes first, then I WILL provide my love, energy and time to her and my son.

I don't like my SS7. he is a craphead. He is spoiled rotten. His bm would rather buy him video games than clothes that fit and he expects me to do the same. He feels like he should never be punished for anything because his parents are divorced and its my fault. I can't stand him. He's such a brat.

but I do not feel connected to him, to be honest I wish I was my Dh 1st wife and I had his only children.

I get so sick of hearing my Dh talk about him the whole time he is not with us and i get sick and tired of hearing how much he wished my SS lived with us.. I have never told him I don't ; but i think he knows. OMG if he came to live with us I would die!!!!

This is so sad but true, I want him to be a good person and i care about his well being but that is about it..

Don't know what to think. She's got some good traits that I admire - she's thoughtful, generous and loves animals. But she's also extremely needy and spoiled. Her mommy still pours her cereal in the morning and she still expects to be tucked in at night - and she's almost a teenager. She was brought into this world under poor conditions...my bf was messed at the time, and was in a nasty relationship with an unstable woman. Both dropped acid and drank to cope with their confusion and this got passed on to their child, who was born one month premature. SD would've been aborted except gf lied and said it was "her only chance to have one".

My partner has grown up since, but to this day, SD has physical setbacks, a poor immune system and learning disabilities. Despite all of this, she has a kind heart and seems to like everyone. These are valuable traits. But her circumstances in life have made most people coddle, pamper, and smother her with unrealistic praise. She's been overprotected to the point of being too scared to cross the street alone at the age of 12 or walk to the corner store without someone to guide her. If she had a seriously compromised mind, I could understand but that's not the case. Her constant need for my attention drives me insane. Bf wonders why I need time away from her when she visits. Knowing how her mom and stepdad are, I make sure to speak to her like she's a twelve-year-old instead of a toddler. This is something she's not used to but it must make her feel good because she clings to me at any opportunity. When I'm around, dad's chopped liver. I get overwhelmed. She reminds me of Stewart from Mad TV, always saying "look at me" or "look what I can do". She's an energy vampire without meaning to be, but nobody can blame her because she's "challenged".