My BIrthday
My DH was asking about my birthday regarding what I wanted to do, etc. He asked me if I wanted his kids there and I FLIPPED out. After years of them telling him and I how much they didn't care about me and years of me sucking it up to tolerate their presence for my DH'd sake I just couldn't believe he didn't understand that I didn't want to "share" this day with them too. I share Christmas, Thanksgiving, My DH's birthday, Easter, New Year's the list goes on. I am so tired of biting my tongue and walking on eggshells, I just wanted MY day to be about ME and not them! Was I wrong for wanting to spend THIS day with people whom I love and who love me?
I also asked my DH to NOT secretly contact his kids to remind them that it's my birthday. He's done that before and I'd get a cursory "Happy Birthday" text that I know was encouraged and fake. I wanted to prove a point that they don't care about me (he insists they do)and I was right. My DH wants them to care about me so badly he's always saying that they care and that I'm important and I say BULLSHIT. It's obvious that they don't care so again, why would I want them to interfere with my birthday celebration?
You should absolutley be able
You should absolutley be able to celebrate your birthday without his brats. How old are they?
I'm amazed too! What does he
I'm amazed too! What does he give up? He has a new family that adores him. True that he doesn't get to see his kids all of the time, but they treat him like shit anyway so this is another win for him. They are 17 and 21 but act like 5 and 9 and whine and complain about everything that doesn't go their way. The only time they throw him a bone is when they need money or a favor - and he falls for it every single time! It drives me nuts...another story for another time.
My current wife has only
My current wife has only recently dropped her prompting of her kids in these situations after 30 years. I hope it doesn't last as long for you. I literally had to tell her dozens of times to stop because its obvious they tolerate me and that's it. Finally I resorted to mild anger to get my point across.
It may take some plain talking before he gets it as obviously any hints you've given in the past have not taken hold.
Hints aren't working, you're
Hints aren't working, you're right. I need to just say it. I'm getting better at it, it's not easy but it's getting easier.
Civility is subjective. On
Civility is subjective. On the surface they can appear that way - but tone, body language and quiet, rude remarks tell me otherwise. There is no way in hell, I will share MY day with them. I just can't do it...again. If they were kind and caring, I would gladly share precious minutes of my life with them. I'm tired of spending time with people who don't like me, who are rude and disrespectful when they don't even know me or have given me a chance. I say to myself...I would never invite other people to my home who treat me like shit, why should I invite them? I have them in my home for EVERY other occasion, every holiday etc and I'm excluded from ALL of their's..so poop on them.
Now, YOU need to have a birthday party without your skids