My husband and I each have a daughter from previous relationships and then we have two kids together. I make significantly more money than my husband, so I pay most of our bills. He pays his child support, but we share the responsibility of buying for all the kids.

I think this is truly a decision per couple. It goes along with how money is managed in the marriage with or without kids. For us OUR money is OUR money. I like joking with my hubby and saying "his money is mine, and my money is the kids!" I know some couples who are married with bio kids and they manage their money separately and split all costs evenly. I know others who share everything.

One point is I do believe you could be liable for child support if he lost his job. In the eyes of the law, money belongs to both of you!!!

On the last point in the foregoing reply: "One point is I do believe you could be liable for child support if he lost his job. In the eyes of the law, money belongs to both of you"

In California, as a stepparent you can't technically be liable for child support for a stepchild even if the bio parent loses the job (despite Cal's community property laws, which do indeed say that money earned during the marriage belongs to both of you). In California, a stepparent's income cannot be used to calculate support obligations. The troublesome issue (leaving aside any moral questions) is that child support is based on the earning capacity of the bio parent rather than whether what he/she is actually making, so the stepparent may be left with a choice to either cover child support when the bio parent has none/not enough coming in, or have his/her spouse fall into arrears on the support obligation. In some circumstances, there may be an opportunity to modify the support obligation based on unemployment, but filing a petition for support modification itself costs money and takes time.

On the main point, we mostly split 50/50 but child support and kids' health insurance is his obligation. Of course, the child support payment reduces our total household income, funds that would otherwise be community property (but are technically not, because the children pre-dated the marriage, but you see what I'm saying?). I do not feel resentful about him providing for his kids, or me helping to pay skids expenses like clothes, food, trips, etc. etc. etc. when they are here. But I do feel resentful that he pays an exorbitant amount of child support to the ex, much more than could ever be used for their benefit, and she doesn't work, her new husband is in school, and she uses the "extra" support to pay for her new husband and his daughter as well as her kids. So my husband is supporting their family. It burns me sometimes, esp. because I pulled myself up by my bootstraps on my own since 16, paying my way through college and professional school, and she gets to mooch off my household. THAT gets me going from time to time, but it's something I try to learn to live with; I did sign up knowingly, after all. But I am human, so I go grrrrr once in awhile!

So that's a long way of saying I agree totally, it just depends on the individual circumstances.

Hi Angel, my soon to be husband and I have 4 kids between us, 2 each from previous marriages. I look after mine and he looks after his. We have separate accounts for everything except our offset mortgage account which is joint.

It is very hard not to end up spending some of your money on his kids and visa versa. As long as it is minor stuff, not major expenses, it's OK. The big stuff definately belongs to the bio parents - not you.

Just keep smiling......................

Hmm? Reading most of the comments I feel to differ. When I married my husband I married him and his children. They walked me down the isle as if my SS was my own. I would think if you often seperated things in the end it would cause problems within the marriage. Yes you can love a step child very dearly and pay many things and not find it resentful at all. We combine our money into one account and I pay the bills and yes even set up the child suport payment within my bill pay service. I dont even think he knows when it is due. But it really does not bother me. I buy all of my SS clothes etc...I love him as my own. Why would I not?

Because I was in a better place financially my DH offered to keep our money seperate & split our household bills. I declined this because to me this marriage is a partnership & we are a team. His CS comes directly out of his paycheck so we never see that money and he covers my health insurance as well as the kids. W/o these two factors our income is pretty close to the same. I have never felt resentful about spending money on the kids because I love them & they love me. I think when you have really good kids like my SS's it makes it easier.

I know that both my DH & Step kids know that it is my income that makes life easier and they are appreciative. I also think with our having the baby it would be really wierd to keep our finances seperate.

However my parents who have been married 40 years ( should have divorced 30 yrs ago) keep their money totally seperate & pay bills based upon each others earnings so go figure...everyone has to do what works for them.

My DH has the kids due to the, BM being a total loser! When my DH and I started dating the kids lived with BM, but then she totally got all whacked out and my DH gained custody of the Skids (we are married now so it is too late for me) we fight soooooo much about finaces especially since BM never has a job or bothers to pay for anything and I am always the one shelling out to help out where the BM can not even afford to pay for the skids lunches when she sends them to school. We also have one of our own and it makes me so upset that I have to pay their kids and my own child gets less because I have to pay for one that is not mine. So to answer your question: YES!! I am resentful the Bio parents need to step up and take responsibility for their children!!

so together we have 4... we have all of then 1/2 time and so there is no issue there.... Where I run into the issue is with dh spending too much on worthless crap! We recently agreed that I would take over the finances.... we have joint accounts but he has his own spending account.... he gets an allotted amount to spend each month and he brings his receipts home and I balance his book each night.... I don't understand how you didn't expect to be paying toward the kids.... I'm not trying to bash on you but.... HELLO!! Even IF only dh's money went toward his kids.... once he runs out, hes going to turn to you and then in essence, your money is still going toward the kids.... There is always going to be things that come up... my dh dropped my son off at school.... my son's dad is always forgetting to send him to school with lunch money and so the school builds an account of money that is owing.... my dh paid of the owing balance (which was not incurred during our time) and he funded my son's lunch account so that even if his dad failed to send money, my son would be covered.... My dh never said a word about it... we share our responsibilities... my kids OUR responsibility and his kids are OUR responsibility.... Although, it does annoy me that my dh's ex gets $860.00 per month from us yet she can't seem to provide essentials for the kids??

In my situation, I don't discipline my SS, I let his dad do that and I don't spend any of my own money for SS. All started when BM turned her son against me. I just don't feel that I'm obligated at all to care for this stepchild. I don't tell people that he is my son, that he is my stepson. I just don't feel that I should be the one disciplining him and then if biomom disagrees with it I don't want to deal with any of that.

-happy mom

Good question. I agree with Chocoholic. I own the house and am very financially responsible. He was a financial nightmare so we first had separate funds...and he gave me a certain amount each month (the most he could afford to give after he paid his few bills(insurance, car payment and gas, 401k loan repayment, and of course CS). But guess what! He'd run out of funds much much quicker than I did, so guess who had to pay for things like not only ALL our household bills but also all our entertainment when his kids came over? Me! And I felt like he was a tenant and I was a sugar momma! Then the worst thing happened...I looked on his bank statement and saw a debit for an item he managed to purchase for the exwife (FROM THE KIDS of course) for christmas and it was over $100 -So I was not only furious but resentful.

Now, we have joint accounts and I too have set up electronic bill payments for every one of both of our expenses including C.S. ...(Yeah..no more ex calling.."did you mail the check....when did you mail it? Is it gonna bounce??Blah blah blah.

Don't know yet if I am resentful....My biggest fear is that by the time my kid gets older (she's the youngest, he has three older than her) we will be in debt and won't be able to afford to give her as much as we give them. So, ask me in a few years.