is this PAS or immaturity?
sd11 had posted a status update on myspace about her new hair color. bm's mother made a comment about how she is too young to dye her hair and that bf and myself were "dumb" to let her do that.
my friend made a comment about how rediculous it was to tell a child her parent and stepmother were dumb. sd11 wrote back "watch yourself, thats my grandma". and bm wrote "my mother has a right to her opinion".
bm and the grandma live in tx, we live in fl. last year sd lived with them for the year. they made her sleep on tile floor, hit her with shoes, listened in on her phone calls to us, ect. we found this out after she came home, with confirmationa nd excuses from bm. anyways, bm's mom had bm when she was 15 so she isnt very mature to say the least.
i check sd's myspace account daily, and a new comment was sent to her by grandma saying "i dont care what anyone thinks of my comment and you shouldnt either. dont let anyone tell you how to feel or think".
i am angry at sd for not defending me or her dad. i am angry that when i told bf about this, he wasnt angry. if i write something on myspace about bm and she calls him to complain, then he yells at me for 'starting shit'. but this, he lets go. and i think its cause bm said she is sending us money (yeah right).
Sounds familiar
I cant even so much as put a braid in my SD's hair. I put a small, hippy-style braid in one day, and her mom cut it off at the root. Its seems that the BM's get jealous that the SM's are in a position to make decisions with what they consider their little pieces of property, that and any effort you make to do things with the child is out-parenting her. Shes's just jealous. I dyed my hair at that age and I grew up the same as any other kid who didnt and graduated college 3x!
BM is insecure and if SD's online profile is a source of conflict, I would deny her access to myspace (atleast when she's with you)?? Or maybe I just wouldn't go on there at all and let her BM do the monitoring since things on there frustrate you, you know? Just suggestions
i already deleted her
and her mother off my friends list so i dont have to see the comments. sd lives with us ft but i think i will just leave it all alone and let everyone else handle her cause i cant stand her or bm.
whenever i would email bm nasty messages, she would call my bf and complain and he would yell at me and tell me to grow up. this time, he does nothing when THEY all say something about me. go figure. i know my place now.
Evilbitchstepmom08
I completely hear you about grandma making negative comments toward you and DH and you being expected to "let it go". SD's "Nana" over here, (BM's mom) also makes very negative comments about DH and myself. Even to the extent recently, I called Nana's house to talk to SD (mind you the girl lives with me) and Nana wouldn't let me speak to her!!
I think that for whatever reason, your SD feels some protection toward her grandma. You know what they say about victims sympathizing with their captors. Extreme analogy, I know! But the situation you described at grandma's house is deplorable.
But still, SD must either feel guilty toward her mom and grandma or still feels some love toward them. And you also probably don't know, but I'm guessing that IF SD were to stick up for you and DH that venom from dear sweet granny could be turned back on her. So she could just be keeping quiet because she doesn't want to take any sh*t on herself. Do you think that's possible?
As far as sticking up for her grandma with your girlfriend... I think it's one of those things like - I can say bad things about my family.... but you can't !! Does that make sense too?
Please don't let it bother you. This girl sounds like she has a lot on her plate. And as she gets older, and you take the high road... it will mean something. And again, I know that some people don't like that opinion or my stance on that... but I don't offer it without hope that it works for you.
Best wishes....
sounds familar
When I was preggers my FH ex wifes husband and herslef would be like "wow your looking big, not having to work and just being able to be lazy must be great!" so when I said something back it would be MY FAULT, and then when BM was preggers with child #2 she could lash out and be a totall bitch to me but that was ok because shes pregnant so what the hell was i!?!
Double standard
I am not a fan of the social websites simply because of the forum it allows people to preach and put out their version of the truth, regardless of who it hurts, often with no way for the person they are accusing to respond or defend themselves.
Also I have to consider the source - its not like they have a big following, only the people who are already inclined to see things their way no matter what the facts are. So I just don't read them.
The only thing I can say is that you should point out to DH the double standard you are held to in this regard. Eventually if you keep pointing out all the injustices he is allowing to you, his partner, he will start to feel bad for treating you that way, and make some changes in his actions.
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Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.
William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2your right- double standard
Spot on. Those changes take time, but they can and do happen.
Sounds familiar - And you need to take th high road
Seriously, I totally understand where you are coming from. I will say though, don't get into it. Avoid the B and watch what you say around SD about her family. She is just a kid, and regardless of how she feels about you (good or bad) they are her family. That will never change. Speaking negatively about them in front of her only makes you look bad. Then let you BF have it! If he expects you to be his significant other he HAS to back you up. CALL HIM ON IT
Kill them with KINDNESS. I know it sounds trite, but honestly it is kind of fun when the BM of my SK's is being a B***** and I turn around and am nothing but polite and helpful, as well as over the top respectful as her position as their BM. LOVE IT!!! Makes the fact that she is an asshole shine like fireworks! I even help the kids get the woman Christmas presents. I do that more for them than her though, cause I love them, and they love her (as they should).
I have gotten caught up in the Myspace comments a few times. And the BM seriously overstepped her boundaries, basically saying that my kids don't deserve to live because hers were more important. I handled that, because it involved my kids, and I put her in her place. Then, I stopped putting comments in my headline because I have better things to do than get into it with her. Anything to do with his kids (as long as it doesn't effect mine) I have him handle. I have had to force him to do it. But you know what, the more he stands up to her, the better he feels about himself.