I wanted to thank everyone for their advice, whether it was what I wanted to hear, needed to hear, or was from own experience...

I know everyone will have a different idea of what to do in this situation, and I know that fiancee has his side of the story as well...there are always two.

Just a few notes -- yes, blueberry, she really *does* sleep on the mattress! Lol! Also, he is a -great- dad, like many of the stepmommies on this board say about their own boyfriend and husbands -- he often ends up doing the laundry, the cooking, some of the cleaning. Granted, a lot of it was because he had difficulty letting me step in, but it's gotten easier as time passed. Also, I had an epiphany today after we talked -- I realize that as long as he had ex-wifey as a sure thing, he was going to be scared to jump into the unknown void with me. I have not always been completely reliable in the past (I was 26 when I met him, and ummm...I was single? I didn't have kids? I don't have younger siblings? Never babysitted? It took me a while to catch on!), but now I'm turning 30 in November (A nice Scorp, for all you ladies who know their stars:) -- he is a Capri) and I know what and who I want to be.

Onto the update!

We talked earlier today and he basically was frustrated because I wasn't being clear about what I needed or what was bothering me (a half million things!) and he's a very pragmatic person and likes to know what's what in plain and simple terms...like most guys, he doesn't work well with, "something vague is bothering me, fix it!" So, I spent the better part of what should have been a workday typing up 3 letters.

The first one addressed the prenuptial agreement that he won't budge on. I wrote that I had my own lawyer draw up a prenuptial that was the opposite of his and that we were to look at both contracts and concentrate on the strengths and weakness of each one and COMPROMISE. Just saying no without backing it up with either a solution or a reason was not acceptable! I followed up with a guarantee that once the new papers were drawn, I personally would pay the notary and sign the same day they come.

The second one was a calendar that I made out highlighting birthdays, holidays, and a custody agreement -- we get the boys for the majority of the time, 7 months, but she is here for all of the holidays and the birthdays, including the entire summer since that's when they will have time to be with her now that the oldest is in first grade. I was once furious -- furious -- I screamed at my entire family because they didn't invite my mom to my 23rd birthday but my dad brought his girlfriend. I didn't hate her, I was just mad that they were still being so immature after so many years. If I can feel that way at 23, 7 years after my parents divorced, I can't even imagine how two little boys would feel if mom missed their birthday. Parents can do whatever they want to it if they don't like the dates or the amount of time, but it is a must for me. I'm already so stressed out because we never know when she is coming or how long she'll be here...sometimes it interferes with our vacation plans, it is very aggravating. If this is going to go on for years, there needs to be a plan! I need stability! I need peace of mind! Again, there is no guarantee with someone like her who floats from place to place, but it is -something-.

Aaaaaaand the third one adresses what I will not accept when she comes to the house. I know that a lot of you probably feel it's absolutely crazy for her to be there at all. I mean, the EX sleeping just 1.5 rooms away from me and my fiancee? And you may be right -- but I trust him 100% and she's crazier than I am and we can't FORCE someone who has schizophrenia and believes she's a target of a conspiracy, to get a house. We also can't force her to get a job (she is on disability right now). What I -can- do is explain what the terms will be if it happens.

She needs to go away from the house -at least- one weekend out of each month that she's there. If she's there for 3 months, she needs to skedaddle 3 times. She is not to rearrange things or to just take over. For the first month she can do as she wishes to give the boys an idea that mom is there and is the go-to guy now, but after that everything goes back to normal. My fiancee and I cook and take care of most things. I guess that's kind of crazy, too...who -fights- for the right to cook and clean? Man this is making me nuts! Ha. And the third thing is...well, I don't remember.

I feel MUCH stronger. I know that the ball truly is in his court now and if this is the game he asked for and then he's not willing to play, there's my answer. IF we can work through this, then I think we'll be much stronger. IF we can't, then I am 100% prepared to leave and go on with my life.

Here's hoping and praying that he does the right thing and takes me seriously. In the meantime, I'm taking care of ME -- yay for pedicures and hot tea!

Thanks so much, everyone:)