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Is there hope?!?!?!

xomaxoai's picture

Does it ever get better!?!?!???? Will he ever see how much it hurts me that he continues to have a relationship with her that is very much inappropriate? Will he ever put our marriage first? Will he ever truly divorce her and be my husband that actually does things as a family? I'm loosing hope we ever be happy!!!!! I don't think I can continue living in this place much longer how do you hold on and make it work when all your hopes and dreams are being blown away?

xomaxoai's picture

I want to so bad but the thought of sharing my son is worse then staying!!!!

just.his.wife's picture

So long as you realize that your son is watching how his dad treats you... and learning how to treat his future wife from what he sees/ experiences in your relationship.

If you want him treating the mother of your grandkids, the way you are now being treated... suck it up and stay.

If you want him to learn a new way: stick your foot in your husbands ass and make him more scared of pissing you off than anything else in the world.

jssdallas's picture

It is so hard. How old is your son? And I agree-I feel like all my talk of boundaries and separation and what not would only FINALLY be carried out BUT WITH ME if I left.
Smile

xomaxoai's picture

It is very hard!!!! Seven months I found out I was pregnant the same day I had everything put in motion to leave him. I chose to stay thinking we could make it work for the baby. I regret it now I should of let my sister and her boyfriend come get me that day. Yes I agree. She is still so perfect in his eyes that even mentioning boundaries starts a war of me growing up and not being so hateful. helping and talking daily to her is perfectly acceptable to him but I seem to be getting the silent treatment more and more. I want out but feel like I have to stay.

xomaxoai's picture

No I can leave but then I have to share a child. and that absolutely terrifies me!!!

ChiefGrownup's picture

It only gets better if your dh steps up. One can't fix it. It takes two.

You can't help who your son's father is, that part is written in stone now. But you can affect what your son sees as normal.

Honestly, if your husband is that bound up in his ex, are you certain you are the one who really controls you two staying together? What if your dh leaves you to return to Miss Wonderful? Wouldn't it be better to leave on your own terms with your head held high?

xomaxoai's picture

If I leave that means I leave my child unattended with this man. Then I will have no control what so ever to control what behavior he sees and learns from his father. however staying means I continue living with a man I don't feel treats me right and he sees that and so far out look looks like being in a house full of tension pretty much nonstop which cant be healthy for him. That time right now is pretty limited to just weekends since dh works such long days baby is normally in bed or in the progress of being put to bed by the time he gets home. Ugh I just want a loving/supportive husband not this nightmare!!!!

ChiefGrownup's picture

I totally get that but some ladies here have arranged custody to account for this. Maybe he only gets a weekend afternoon and it's held at his mother's or something. Since baby is young you have a lot of control right now, I understand.

In any case, your child is not going to have a perfect childhood period. Deal with the realities on your table, not the visions you have in your head. Hard to get there, I know.