We had that issue every other Monday. I wish I knew what the hell they do that makes the transition so damn difficult. They are pissy and won't do anything. It is awful. At least now for us it is just the one kid. But, it goes on every other week. We spend two days training them for 4 nice days. Only to have them get irritated on the morning they leave as well. I wish it was only once a year.

I’ve often wondered about this phenomenon myself… the last LONG stretch of time that the boys were away from their mum (three solid months following one of her plastic surgery adventures) they were loving, well behaved, well mannered little guys… the baby was even starting to play around with toilet training! But when Mother Russia deemed it acceptable to spend a weekend with her own kids they came back roaring little monsters! Literally!!! The baby stopped talking all together and just did this primal, screaming barking thing for days… and SS6 reverted back to his lispy baby talk and was acting like an ill-behaved three year old again.

Now… I know for a fact that when she has them their schedules are shot to sh*t… they don’t get put to bed at their bedtime, they wonder around her house in their PJ’s without their teeth brushed till three in the afternoon, she PUMPS them full of weird European chocolate and pastries and doesn’t even attempt to wave a vegetable in their general direction (diet is SO important to a kids behavior!) and there is absolutely NO discipline! They run wild and break everything and scrrrrrrrrrream… and there’s no consequences. Guilt parenting at it’s finest.

But it’s got to be more than that… it’s like everything we’ve instilled in them is wiped clean.

I think it is the lack of rules and the guilt that they feel. Like being with Dad is not loyal to mom. She has never said that they are like this with her.

My thing was always Tuesday mornings getting them off to school. It is just awful and the last 6 months of school I finally stopped getting up until they left the house. If I went downstairs while they were in any mode downstairs, something would set one of us off. I just arranged to start my day an hour later It saved my sanity. I stopped caring if SS11 brushed his hair or made his bed. I would yell on the intercom asking if they did three things and didn't care if they replied. I asked and moved on. Best they would get. Once they left I would make sure my son was moving and started my day. He is in HS and starts later.

I would tell people I didn't get up with the kids and they thought I was awful. DH leaves at 5AM and quite frankly I don't care if they make it to school and what state they are in when they get there. Too much anguish. Had to let it go.

our visits are so consistent that we don't experience this problem very often, but when we do and i am at wits end, evil starfish barks "i don't care how you do it at home, we don't live like pigs here or you may get away with this shit at home but not here" seems to work, they get scared & pissed.... but they shut tfup and get out of my hair for a while and reappear later with a better attitude and hoping to god i'm in a better mood....

having said that, sd has been gone since 7/1 and i don't think we will see her again until 8/4 ~~ she's visiting a friend out of town, so it will be very interesting to see what kind of kid returns.... i'm hoping a better one, that's also a month she is away from freaky bm and mil.....

In my experience it's as though the non-custodial parent creates a kind of 'vacation' atmosphere when they have the children. Like mentioned earlier, there are no schedules...not even for mealtime, bedtime, etc... Even with my own sons (9 and 11) they need to go to bed at a decent time. It used to be total chaos for us when they'd come back after a weekend. They'd say "Daddy let us stay up all night!" Which translates to "Just so you know, we WON'T be happy in the morning when we have to get up for school" :jawdrop:

My boyfriend has his 6 year old son every other week also. There's slight changes in SS's behavior after a week with BM, like being too lazy to clean up after himself. My boyfriend tells me that he's served with a tray of snacks while he watches TV all day at his mom's house, and doesn't have to clean up. But at this point, I think any kid needs constant reminder to do the things they need to do. It's a pain, but he's a kid and I just have to be consistent with reminders. What really suffers is his school work. I've been to one of the parent-teacher meetings at his Kindergarten class, and the teacher also saw his work getting poorer every other week. We've noticed that BM doesn't feel like helping with his studies ever since we started teaching SS how to count to 5 (Now he knows how to count to 100, but of course in his mind his mom taught him how to count, not me and his dad. Kind of sucks, but what matters most is he knows how to count.) I guess school is not as important to BM as it is to us (my bf and me). I wish she would get better at it, but she claims these days that she barely even has enough time to pay attention to SS.

My SD4's BM says that the first day after her weekend with us she has transitional issues alot of the time. I think its normal. Kids are going to have the grass is greener syndrome. She only gets a sample of what its like at our house. We dont have to get up early or have a rigid schedule like we would during the week if she were here. It's the weekend! She doesnt seem the weekly aspect of our world. She thinks everyday would be a weekend. We all get to stay up late, sleep in, and we always get up on Saturday and do something fun. We have two weekends a month to spend with the girls were not using our time to reinforce BM's routine...we are using our minimal amount of time to spend time and build possitive memories with our kids. We dont let them run wild and we are never negative about BM or SF so they dont have those issues...but they are reluctant to go home after a weekend of fun and attention and they do wine the following morning that things are better with us or they wish they were still with us etc....its just part of the EOW life. I went through it and BM acknowledges that she went through it to as a child. It is kind of frustrating though that every time SD4 does something wrong once she is back with BM that it is automatically our fault and she MUST have learned the bad behavior or whatever when she was with us. Give me a break. We have 5 days...you have 25. Who do you really think has the most influence? Who does she really learn the most behavior from? It's very easy to blame the non-custodial parent.

it is definitely guilt... our SS13 has admitted he feels so guilted by his mom and will open up to me (SM) and sometimes to his dad, but all in all i truely believe it is easier for him to just do his mom's bidding than do what is normal or what he would like. he rarely comes over anymore but when he does he has the best time and we just love him so much! we got him a cell phone last year and it breaks constantly but after the last one i realized he was doing it on purpose to get time with dad since he was the fixer... well i think his BM caught on - she threw out the last one (a loaner we now will have to pay for and his that was being fixed is still at the phone place!) and she got him on her BFs plan. new phone # we cant even have. We ask and are ignored. amazing.
the SD10 is exactly as described above. Her attitude is like Dr. Jeckle Miss Hyde and she is fowl for the first day or so with us. we tell her straight up that it isnt acceptable (altho that is when she will stare her dad down (looksjust like BM) and expects him to just jump when she yells - well im not allowing it. i know her BM's type and I dont play with mean women. so anyway... by day 2 or 3 SD is back to semi nice... BM traits come out occasionaly but it is usually in the form of lying or story telling and her friends are now bailing on her so hopefully she will learn from that. it is one thing for the parents and step parents to lecture/discipline, but for a peer to tell you what's what!?!?1 oh yah! i love when that happens! HAHA

LOL, sorry but I had to laugh when I read this. My DS5 & DD6, go to their BD EOW and every Wed night. I can honestly say that his living arrangement has created little terrorists. I love them dearly, but dread the Sunday nights they come home from visits with him.

BD lives with GF who is NCP to her children, so they get her 2 and my 2 at the same time, to keep their schedule all the same. Her 2 are terrific artist that at the tender ages of 8 & 10 have learned how to draw the most beautiful nude pictures of genitalia, and have passed that gift on to my dear children, who absolutely love learning new things.

They have also taught my children the meaning of the word XEX as my 6yr old calls it.

My 5 yr old now tries to refer to me as "big butts" because that is what he says Daddy and the GF call me.

I think it is terribly sad that the people who should have our childrens best interest at heart, are the ones who treat them the worst. I am sure that BD thinks this stuff is hilarious, as well as the GF, especially when they see the children 8 days out of 30 in a given month.

The thing is, I could care less what they call me, or how they think their parenting is ruining my life. What I care about is that now MY children, come home, unruly, and then get disciplined for the bad behavior, and its usually miserable for them for the first 24-48 hours back at home.

However, on a positive note, I do secretly thank the X and his GF for this on some level, as they are teaching my children the hard cold facts about life about what not to do, and I get to steer my children back into the right direction when they come home. Better they learn it now, then when they are in their 20's.