Yet another attempt by SS12 to divide and conquer - the little snot!!
Some days it is so freaking hard to be patient..
If any of you have read my prior posts about SK12, you know he is a manipulator..
His latest try was this weekend.. All the kiddos are home and my daughter has a friend over for a play date - she asks if she can listen to some music on my iphone while they paint - sure no, biggie.
So, her and her friend are painting at the table and listening to music, SK14 is watching TV and SK12 is in the other room playing PS3. I'm upstairs putting away laundry when I hear SK12 say something (loud enough for the entire zip code to hear) about my daugher and her friend listening to inappropriate music on the iphone, so I walk into the room where my daugher and her friend are painting.. and yes, a song came on that had some bad words in it (it was a Rhianna song).. So I say "change it - you know there are songs on there you don't listen to. If this happens again, you lose the privelage." ( I said this LOUD enough for the SKIDS to hear it on purpose) I then changed the playlist too so it wouldn't happen again. She said "sorry mom, I wasn't paying attention - we were painting and goofing off." Fair enough - she knows where I stand. I don't have to do much to let her know I mean business. End of story.
Now, my daughter is the first to change the channel when something comes on TV or the radio that she shouldn't listen to or hear.. she is the rule follower in the house. I raised her that way. Where my skids will put on a movie and see if we notice it's PG13 or R and then change it only if we say something.. she won't. She will actually say "I can't watch that or go see that movie because it's rated PG13 or R"... She fears being in trouble and hates to disappoint.
Also, SK12 got busted big time for having some nasty Eminimen on his ipod (his older sister was nice enough to do that for us - ugh) and he listened to it for about 2 years over at his moms until he accidentally brought it over to our house and we found it..
Ok, fast forward to Sunday afternoon.. DH (who was at the gym when this incident happend) comes up to me and says "_____ was listening to songs she shouldn't have on her ipod when Emily was over the other day."
My blood instantly boils.. but I keep calm. "I reply, I know, she was listening to my ipod and painting.. She wasn't paying attention and a song came on that had some words I don't approve of on it. I took care of it." I filled him in on what I did and that I also made sure the boys heard me telling her the rules and expectations, as well as what would happen if she did it again.
Then I said... "why did sk12 come to you to tell you this?" "you weren't even here when it happend, I was." "and I took care of it - in front of everyone."
DH had a nice little "ah-ha" moment right then and there.. "I said, babe, he wanted to tattle and start a fight - do you see that? He knew I handled it. Why did he feel the need to tell you?"
I also brought up the fact that anytime my dog (I have a small dog from before I met him) has an accident in the basement (which is about once a month when she gets stuck in the basement when the kids close the door), SK12 runs and tells DH, not me, that "Hershey pooped in the basement."... and why does Sk12 do this..? Because DH gets mad and tells me and then tells me to go clean it up.. And sk12 just sits back and grins.
I said.. "he is trying to start fights.. he is trying to get me in trouble with you.. he is trying to instigate drama"
DH actually agrees.. and we go to talk to SK12 who of course acts like he is soooo innocent. I ask SK12 why he felt he needed to tell his dad about the ipod song when he knew I took care of it - his response "I didn't know you took care of it." Really? (this is a lie, but we let it slide) So we ask, him why he didn't tell me (stepmom) about the song since I was home? His response "I didn't know if ____ was allowed to listen to that kind of music." Ok, BULLSHIT - I call bullshit! (quietly to myself of course) I reply, "really? you thought I would be ok with that? Me? Of all people? The person who won't let you watch family guy or have eminimen on your ipod? you think I would let her, who is younger than you, listen to that when you so blatantly called it out for being inappropriate? You thought I would be ok with that?"
His response "I don't know." Yea, whatever.. busted..
Ok, DH and I both know this is crap.. that he wanted to tattle and start a fight. He wanted DH to get mad at me and be of the impression I didn't do anything.
While I wanted DH to call him out on the fact that it really seemed like he wanted to get me in trouble, he didn't.. he tells him that he "should have told your stepmom about the song, and tattling to him wasn't the right way to handle things." "that it didnt make sense that he waited until later to tell him when I was home when it happend."
Not sure if I should push the issue with DH.. I am sick of this. This isn't the first time he has done this kind of crap and I know it won't be the last..
I feel hurt. I feel like we need to be firm on the fact that we know what he is trying to do and it will not be tolerated. But I don't want to seem hateful and vindictive and have DH go all defensive on me.. ugh.. thoughts?
I refuse to let him win.. DH
I refuse to let him win.. DH is getting what he does.. but what I want if for DH to call him out on it.. tell him he is on to his little hateful games and he needs to knock the shit off..
Well, I've fought and won
Well, I've fought and won that war. I may have lost some battles along the way-but I did get dh to see what a huge tattling issues that ss has. He would do the same thing. He would actually do something like push my ds13 or slap him and if my ds13 responded by calling him a silly name (I think jellybean was his word of choice for awhile)-ss would literally RUN to find his dad and tattle that ds13 is calling me names. I learned that i needed to truck right after this kid and confront him. Uh, didnt you just push ds down on the concrete floor? Uh, well, uh... in fact wasnt he just walking by minding his own business and YOU started calling him names and pushed him AND his only response was to call you a silly name? Well, yeah, but...
When I did it immediately ss did not have adequate time to come up with a story so there'd be a lot of uh and um ing and dh could tell he was full of shit. He also noted that the other kids NEVER seemed to tattle on ss-it was only ss trying to cause shit.
I hate it when these kids also think they need to parent US or police the way we parent. DESPISE it. One time ss was getting in trouble and he through up, "DS13 tells HIS mom he hates her and just gets away with it!!". He was talking about me of course. Which ds had said that one afternoon when we were joking around, sort of wrestling around and I was besting him and he replied with ohhh, I hate you! My dh wasnt in the room at the time, but he was actually in the next room and knew that my ds was joking and that my ds absolutely does not hate me and has never said anything like that out of anger. So dh, himself, jumped right in and said, "you know good and well, ds was just joking, he loves his mother, and would never say anything like that and mean it".
It took YEARS, I'm not gonna lie, but dh does finally have ss's number. Of course, it doesnt help, that bm also had ss's number and told dh that "SS ruins every relationship I've ever had". I guess she shouldnt totally hang that on him, but every time she got involved with someone, ss would steal from them, scream at them, curse at them, become physically aggressive, and of course just the daily manipulation to cause problems between them andso they would run for the hills after they determined they couldnt swoop in and rescue this situation.
Dont give up.
Well, I've fought and won
Well, I've fought and won that war. I may have lost some battles along the way-but I did get dh to see what a huge tattling issues that ss has. He would do the same thing. He would actually do something like push my ds13 or slap him and if my ds13 responded by calling him a silly name (I think jellybean was his word of choice for awhile)-ss would literally RUN to find his dad and tattle that ds13 is calling me names. I learned that i needed to truck right after this kid and confront him. Uh, didnt you just push ds down on the concrete floor? Uh, well, uh... in fact wasnt he just walking by minding his own business and YOU started calling him names and pushed him AND his only response was to call you a silly name? Well, yeah, but...
When I did it immediately ss did not have adequate time to come up with a story so there'd be a lot of uh and um ing and dh could tell he was full of shit. He also noted that the other kids NEVER seemed to tattle on ss-it was only ss trying to cause shit.
I hate it when these kids also think they need to parent US or police the way we parent. DESPISE it. One time ss was getting in trouble and he through up, "DS13 tells HIS mom he hates her and just gets away with it!!". He was talking about me of course. Which ds had said that one afternoon when we were joking around, sort of wrestling around and I was besting him and he replied with ohhh, I hate you! My dh wasnt in the room at the time, but he was actually in the next room and knew that my ds was joking and that my ds absolutely does not hate me and has never said anything like that out of anger. So dh, himself, jumped right in and said, "you know good and well, ds was just joking, he loves his mother, and would never say anything like that and mean it".
It took YEARS, I'm not gonna lie, but dh does finally have ss's number. Of course, it doesnt help, that bm also had ss's number and told dh that "SS ruins every relationship I've ever had". I guess she shouldnt totally hang that on him, but every time she got involved with someone, ss would steal from them, scream at them, curse at them, become physically aggressive, and of course just the daily manipulation to cause problems between them andso they would run for the hills after they determined they couldnt swoop in and rescue this situation.
Dont give up.
Oh this was SD14 whenever my
Oh this was SD14 whenever my daughter visited us and we happened to do something with her or buy her something. One thing that saved DH though was that we weren't married yet so he simply said "that's her mother, she can do whatever she wants or buy her daughter whatever she wants to". I even had to delete SD from my social networking account because every time she'd see that we were out doing something without her (on her mom's time), she'd flip shit and piss and moan about not being able to go!
Once we got married, SD14 refused to come around so we have no worries about her and my daughter having to share space or anything. It's nice! My daughter can't stand SD either so it is best that they aren't around each other anyway. The last time they were together was last June, and SD was grounded from her cell phone so waited till we went to bed and asked my daughter to borrow hers so she could call and tell her boyfriend goodnight. SD was 13 at the time, and my daughter ended up kicking her out of their shared bedroom because SD was talking nasty on the phone with her boyfriend. Yeah, disgusting I know!