Hello, I am new to this forum and I am just reaching out to hear other stories that may help me navigate this situation with my wife.

My wife and I married 13 years ago and I inherited 4 stepdaughters. Their ages ranged from 5 - 13. During our marriage, we had three biological kids and adopted two more. 

Everything seemed to go well with them and then there was an issue with bio-dad two years in. He had an argument with the oldest one and then proceeded to leave for 3 years until she turned 18. Looking back I really wish I would have handled that situation better and reached out to him to try and bridge the gap, but I was two years into my marriage and not really sure of myself.

My oldest stepdaughter turned 18 and rebelled against our rules. This will be a reoccurring theme with 2 others. She did not like our rules so she rebelled and the bio-dad returned because she reached out to him telling him how horrible we were to her. The next thing I know she is living with his sister (a reoccurring theme) and we are cut off completely (another reoccurring theme). Her mother and I didn't see her get married and had to endure many accusations. I won't go into all the details, but recently at the age of 25, she reached back out to us and apologized for her behavior. My wife was able to see her three granddaughters for the first time this year. I will eventually, but she lives out of state so I just see them via facetime.

The second stepdaughter was great and is still great. I performed her wedding while the bio-dad walked her down the aisle and gave her away. She just celebrated 4 years of marriage. 

The two youngest are what baffles me. They were both about a year apart.

The youngest was aloof and never had any goals. We moved states just before she started high school, which at the time she was excited about. She had to go back during the summer to spend time with her dad and his family. I could tell she was really enjoying herself and when she came back for her senior year she said wanted to move back to her hometown after she finished school. My wife and I were completely okay with it, but throughout the year she waffled a bit, and then she graduated with honors. She was heading back to her dad's for her summer visit and I spoke to her before she left. I told her that if she wanted to stay then that was okay but I requested that she come home and help pack her stuff and celebrate her birthday then I would fly her back. My wife received a phone call 4 weeks into the visit at 10:30 PM at night from her telling us that she is not coming home. She was now going to live with the same aunt that my first stepdaughter lived with. She was only a few weeks from 18 and we did not want to fight about it. We packed up her stuff and sent it to her. Within two months she no longer speaks to us and has completely blocked us from her phone and social media.

Lastly, and this just happened, my second youngest moved away also. It was a blindside to my wife and me again. She had a full-ride at a local university and had finished two years and only had one left, a job that wanted to promote her into management, and a boyfriend for three years whom she had been talking about marriage. She had done so well financially and in school that we were willing to help her find a home and help her with the down payment. In early October she informed us that she was moving out and heading back to her hometown to live with the same aunt as her sister. We tried to talk her out of it but if that is what she wanted then we would help her move. We did an early Christmas for her and celebrated her birthday. She then reaches her aunts and within a week she no longer responds to my wife, myself, or any of my other children. No communication right before the holidays.

This has obviously led to a lot of soul-searching and questioning about how good you are as a parent. I have talked to neighbors who she was close to but she never told was moving, I have spoken to her boyfriend who is devastated and tried to get her to stay, and I have asked everyone if they saw something that my wife and I did wrong. I asked my second oldest who still lives in the town they moved back to if she had spoken to her about things we were doing wrong. She has no idea.

My wife and I are obviously reeling. I had a plaque that she bought me last Christmas about how thankful she was to have me as their "bonus dad" which is how they always referred to me. I can't even look at the plaque anymore and put it inside my drawer because I feel like it was all fake.

We don't get to lick our wounds long because we have five other children ages 4 - 11 and our focus is going to be on them. My oldest stepdaughter who I mentioned earlier found out and told us that when she cut us off it was due to the influence of her aunt which seems to be a common theme. I do not blame the aunt and I am not interested in hearing excuses. These girls know the truth and if they can be misled that easily then that is unfortunate, but I can't help but be curious about the type of person who encourages another child to treat their mother like this.

While I don't want to be treated like this I can handle it, but I do not like to see my wife who is a good mom so heartbroken. I don't know how to navigate the situation. My second oldest stepdaughter has been reaching out to her daily.

How someone could influence another person to throw away a full-ride scholarship, a promising career, and a relationship she had built for three years is amazing. She has no plans for a job and dropped out of school. This is not the girl I raised since she was 7 years old it is as if she has regressed to a 13-year-old.

Has anyone gone through something similar? If so how did you handle it? How did you navigate it with your spouse?

Sorry for the long post. I can be long-winded at times.