Stepmom to ss14 and sd12. They've lived with us full time for over a year and ss14 with us for two full years after he told us about abuse by his stepdad. Went through a year of court. Six months of him not speaking to his mom. Court rules every other weekend at bms. If we didn't send him she would get full custody. Last year sd12 had a tantrum at bm and bm was at work so her husband dropped her off to us at 11 pm on a Sunday night. Bm said to just let her stay with us Bc she's causing problems. 

i was doing majority of transportation, the one home with them, changing my schedule to get ss14 to therapy, making sure they had the clothes they wanted for school, lunches packed, etc. its a new year and they want to see their mom more. She chooses when it's convenient for her. Asks for them last minute to which dh allows. 
 

In May ss14 had a tantrum because he didn't get his way at bms and ran away. Wouldnt speak to yet. We had to go out and get him as he was walking down a major highway with bm driving beside him. Brought him home and he wouldn't speak of what happened. Finally got out of him his brother (7) hit him and he pushed him back. Bm asked for his side of the story and he wouldn't speak. He does this often. Won't answer questions. Won't respond. Just sits there seething mad. I was involved in speaking to him and he lost it and said he's been suicidal for six years because of his stepdad. Now that the relationship is mended with hie mom somewhat when he's been in trouble at our house he asks his mom to come and get him and vice versa. He manipulates his mom and dad. 
 

during his last tantrum after he said he was suicidal for the third time because of stepdad he told me he doesn't want to be alone with me without his dad home. My dh took a new job and after discussing with me and his kids he took the position which makes him away from home M-W from 6 am until about 8 pm. 
 

so here we are. I refuse to allow ss14 to be home with me as we discovered some things he blamed his stepdad for did not actually happen while some did. At this point I can see why bm said the kids are causing problems. They've lied to her about things at our house as well. I cannot have a child tell people that he doesn't want to be alone with me when I haven't done nothing. I did the majority of the parenting for two years. Changed my schedule for therapy and his school and eventually sd12. We live in a different school district than the stepkids school district. 
 

at this point ive disengaged. Ive planned birthday parties. Ive made sure they have a fun childhood but it's constant lying. Ive made sure they follow their dads rules but he doesn't enforce it either. They're not bad kids. They're awkward and quiet and would rather lie because they think they're always in trouble. They won't listen to what I ask of them (put dishes away, take our garbage) and when I approach dh he says he will talk to them. 
 

DH goes back to work this Monday (he's a high schoolteacher and also has an adult evening class M-W).  Since ss14 said he doesn't want to be alone with me the kids have been going to my father in law while he's at work. Now dh said he's not making them leave the house just Bc ss14 doesn't want to be home alone with me. I am worried about myself at this point. Eventually bm is going to know that ss14 doesn't want to be alone with me. He won't give a reason. And at this point I'm holding him to his word because no one else will. You wanted this. You get this. I refuse to be alone with him because who knows what he will say I have done. I don't trust him. Dh told me last night I'm calling his son a liar and don't want him here and now I'm making him go to his grandfathers out of spite. I am being spiteful but the kid threatens or requests to spend more time at his moms but nobody follows through. Two weeks ago he was back and forth with staying at bms. Everyday he would ask if he could stay another day. 
 

i told dh I'm not helping anymore. Him and their moms can figure out transportation to school. I've rearranged my life for his kids too many times and they truly want nothing to do with me. They get awkward if I ask them questions and they aren't socialized.  They're in the rooms or gaming 24/7.  I've been in the picture for 9 years and I'm just done. I'm not appreciated and not respected at this point. I've offered to dh that I will help with transportation but their mom can figure it out too. If they're with her like they want to be on a shared time schedule I will help. If sd12 is afraid of her husband or doesn't want to be alone with her husband then she needs to make arrangements just like dh has to do now with ss14. 
 

im focusing on my marriage because I love my husband. We have been great since I disengaged but he's growing weary of having to get them up early or take them everywhere with him if I'm home.