tough question honey. Um..ok I will be honest but hopefully not "flameworthy" honest.
I had my son when I was 19. I never wanted to be a mother and I was young,stupid and made a mistake. I chose to keep my son bc I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't keep him.

I love my son more than anything or anyone. He's the best part of me and I would die if something happened to him.

Would I do it over again though? Yes, only if I could have my exact child with the man I'm married to instead of some loser.

But BrightSide, no one can tell you how to feel or sway your opinion. Only YOU can determine if it's worth it to you.

~Why run away? I know who I am...you know who I am. Just let me be~

I am so sorry to hear about your situation! I am in the same situation, not being able to conceive, and i feel for you.
I dont have children of my own, and having my ss makes me want my own very badly. DH and I have been trying for a year now and nothing. Have you tried any fertility treatments? Im seriously considering looking into them. I think that if what you want is a child then you should do everything in your power to get what you want - why is he so set against adoption? its a wonderful thing and i am also starting to consider that... you take a child who needs a mother and you give that child a mother- thats beautiful.

"Life favors the risk taker."
EVASION

In my hearts of heart , yes it worth it for me.

That does not mean it worth it for everyone. A women I work with swears up and down that she didnt want children and wish she had not had them. That does not mean she doenst love them, but if she had a choice she wouldnt. Everyone is not cut out to be a mother.
Everyone is different
Did you always want children? and if you didnt, do you want to have children now because you love DH? Do you have stepchildren?

Can you see your life with children? Can you see your life without children?

If I had to do it all over again, and I found that biologically, I could not have kids with either my ex h, or my current DH, I would have to say, honestly, that I would choose not to. Nothing against adoption, I'm adopted myself, and sometimes I hate it, and sometimes I feel lucky to be. I have 3 bio kids and 2 skids, and I love them to death. I have always had children in my life, I was 16 when my younger brother was born, and helped take care of him for my mom, I just loved doing stuff with him, then when I married and moved out, I took a job at a daycare working with 2 yr. olds, and loved that. I threw myself into childhood education classes, and when I had my own kids I was in heaven. That is how much I love kids, they seem to gravitate towards me. My sisters kids love me and so do all my friends kids. I'm saying this because even though I do love children, if I was faced with the challenge of not being able to have my own, I would still be ok in life with the decision not to have any. Hard to admit, and I love my DH too. It would make me sad of course, but I know that DH and I would be ok, although, working with kids, and spoiling the heck out of my sisters and friends kids I would still do, probably even more!! I hope this helps. Whatever decision you make , go with your heart, and what you can live with. ~ " I'm awful sorry you got pissed, just have to cross you off the list, of my true friends." PHISH~

That is the big question, could you see yourself just being a SM, and being with your DH and being truly happy in life? How is your relationship w/ your SD? ~ " I'm awful sorry you got pissed, just have to cross you off the list, of my true friends." PHISH~

One of my proudest moments so far was escorting perfectson last weekend for his high school "SR" night. Yes, to me, it was worth it all to have him. Would I do it again? Absolutely, as long as I could have the same boy I have now.

One of my dearest friends however, would NOT choose to be a mother again. She loves her daughter, would die for her, but given the choice? No, she wouldn't.

Sometimes, I think, you have to follow your heart.

I think many people face this decision at some point in their lives. There is no easy answer; listen to your heart. Compromise is OK up to a point, but not if you'll resent it the rest of your life.

DH and I knew there could be a possibility that we would not be able to have children. It's not a guarantee, as you've found out. And in fact, we suffered a miscarriage with our first pregnancy. I was devastated. Luckily, I went on to have two beautiful, healthy girls.

Marrying my DH in itself was a compromise, in giving up my "ideal" of doing things first (getting married, having a child) with him. I had to settle for being the second woman who made him a father. But I knew that when I married him.

In fact, I always wanted five kids and wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. I planned to home school but get the kids involved in lots of activities. Imagine my dismay when DH lost his job five months after we got married. He now makes HALF of what he made now, and I have no choice but to work while other people raise my kids. That was a hard pill to swallow, but I wanted kids enough that I could accept it.

Regarding adoption, first you have to decide if you'd rather be married or be a mother. My sister is not married and is in the process of adopting two children (siblings). So yes, you can do it and more than likely you will qualify. But it is hard to raise two children on your own. You have to decide if motherhood is something you want SO much that you would give up having a life partner. Because my sister thinks that now that she has two kids she's never going to meet a decent guy who can see past all that "baggage." And she may be right.

I am so sorry about your difficulties in conceiving and the problems that has caused in your marriage. I wish you nothing but the best.

I am so sorry for your difficult situation. I have a teenage SS and 2 young boys of my own. I can tell you that I love my teenager as much as I love my own children. For 15 years now, DH and I have been weekend parents for SS and I love him as my own. Even after having my own boys I still feel unconditional love for SS.

Things became so much more difficult for DH and myself after having children. BM became extremely jealous and we have been battling in court for the past 2 years now. SS also became jealous of his brothers and has somewhat distanced himself from us. All of this leaves very little time and energy for DH and I to work on our relationship.

I don't regret my decision to have children, but if I had to do it all over again I don't think I would.

If I had a chance to do it all over again, I would have had just ONE child. I swore I'd never get married and never have children. So many people quoted me on that...now I swear I'll never say NEVER!!

I got pregnant with my oldest & found out 2 days after my monthly was late..I told her father on a Monday and we got married on that Friday. We actually were wanting to do this.

It was an incredibly rough delivery. Pregnancy was wonderful, labor & delivery sucked. I had no problems in raising my oldest daughter. Very easy to get along with, great sense of humor, etc.

He talked me into getting pregnant again, but I really didn't want to, because of the rough delivery I had with my first child.

I got pregnant w/ my 2nd child quickly after we started trying, and had a rough pregnancy. (I lost 10 pounds and gained them back, basically, I had a net gain of 0 pounds, which freaked out WIC, but I was under a doctor's care the entire pregnancy...I had a bad case of the flu & morning sickness the entire time!) Delivery was awesome. I KNEW from the moment I brought her home that this was going to get the best of me. Ten months after she was born, I had my tubes tied...I had some medical issues & doctors thought it best that I didn't get pregnant again. I had no heartbreak over that. My daughters are 2 1/2 years apart.

If I had had my 2nd daughter first, she WOULD have been an only child. Don't get me wrong, I do love my children, but I get along so much better with my older daughter. My younger one lives with her father & they get along splendidly. Good for them, I say. My younger daughter and I get along better long distantly. We both know this and respect it.

I know w/ my hubby, he would have preferred not to have his younger song so late in life. He was 43 when his son was born. His older son is old enough to be his brother's father...he's 22 years older! My husband is thrilled w/ his younger son, and now that he's older, he appreciates all the little things about being around this child. However, the BM decided on her own to go off the pill & get pregnant, so it was quite a shock to him when he found out he was going to be a father again. She said she got pregnant to 'bring them closer.' He said he wasn't even aware that they had drifted apart, so to hear her say that was a shock. Right before she kicked him out of the house in 2007, she got pregnant again, but miscarried a couple months later. DH was actually relieved, since he wasn't sure if HE was the father or if the guy she's now living with was the father.

~*~A Good Mommy will let the kids lick the beaters. A GREAT Mommy will turn the mixer off first!~*~

I would most def do it again the exact same way. I went through hell with my 2 older sons dad but still wouldnt change it bc my kids are my reason i still look foreward to my days. I dont care how the kids came about (my SD3 is from a one night stand my hubby had and i still wouldnt trade thatfor anything) sure its difficut sometimes but IT IS ALL WORTH IT every smile every tear....every single one worth it.

My father and his wife just had a baby he is almost 50....and ya know what that baby is a blessing and we all love her to death.

You follow your heart what you want
your never too old to love and care for a child..

"age cannot define what kind of mother you are"

And your hubby should be considerate of how you fel if you want a baby you shohuld get a baby

I can only answer from my point of view and not trying to give guidance. I am a BM to 4, 1 adopted (13) and 3 natural? I still never know the right way to put it. For me, having children was, for the first time, watching my heart walk around outside of my body. Every tear, every scrape, every second being the hardest yet most awesome feeling that not even an orgasm (sorry not trying to be vulgar) could top. It is so damn difficult and there are times I have wanted to string them up so to speak. But then there are times when they run up and hug you for no reason and you have never melted like that before in your life. Or when they draw a picture and it shows (insert kid name here) and Mom holding hands. Even as gross as this sounds, when you are holding their hair while they puke and you would gnaw off your arm just to take all their pain and illness away. It is tiring and thankless and wonderful and an insane nirvana state. It was when I knew my purpose in life and could see my future. It made waking up fun and putting them to sleep angelic. Sorry I getting all misty eyed now. I know for me that if any man were to say that children were not an option I would say no thanks, but again that is me and I was born knowing someday I wanted children. As for doing it alone, we are stronger than we ever know until we are put to the challenge to see it. As for the feeling to go away, I knew I wanted one more. I couldn't shake it for 5 years. I tried, believe me. I had one more, and yes the feeling has gone away, I AM DONE! But, if you truly yearn in your sould for a child, my opinion is no, it won't go away. I will be brutally honest here, and take it for what it is worth, I think it is unfair for a person who has a child not to allow their new spouse to know the same awesomeness that having children brings. The only caveat to that statement is if the person told you ahead of time that children were not what he/she wants. Anyway, that is my feeling. Good luck in all of it. BTW, absolutely no difference in adoption and bio. I adopted my daughter when she was 3, and I still lose it like I do with the others in every aspect good and bad!

I couldn't imagine my life without my children. I think back to the things I did to occupy my time before I had them, and it just seems so insignificant. They truly are my world, pride and joy. Watching them grow, learn, play, live...its just so amazing to me. Adoption really is a whole other story, espcially depending on the age of the child. Some people are just not cut out to love a child that is not theirs in the same way, so maybe that is why he against adoption? I really feel for you I hope you find your answers.

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

I have a grown son that's now in college and I have a SS that is a pre-teen. The two never lived together as I got with my SS's father after my son was an adult. Now of course i'd have my son again, he's the moon. I knew that i'd never have kids with another man after the relationship with my sons father, fizzled. I never wanted my son to feel second to anyone. Nor would I now try to have children with my SS's father for the same reason. I feel we too often have children because we feel we're missing out on something, instead of thinking about the impact that having children with multiple partners means to our family dynamic.

If you have a good relationship with your mate and he has children that you have a relationship with, then perhaps that's what you should focus on. Those kids will someday have kids and you won't be a "step-granny" to them, you'll just be "Granny".

I'll never regret the choices i've made to not have more children and had I met a man with children before i had mine? I wouldn't have had any of my own. Everyone has to make the choice for themselves. Some people need to have children, others can have the fulfillment of being a parent through being a step-parent. Good luck to you on your choices, and your journey.

I have two children and my new girlfriend has 3 children. I am divorced and she is widowed. We both should have had them together . But, we are trying IVF now she is 41 and I am 44. We want a loving child together that resembles us . The answer is go for it.

I think everyone had good answers and reasoning.. I do agree tho that it is YOUR choice!! If you want a child, don't let anyone hold you back! And miscarriages don't always mean you will never carry full term.. My friend had a daughter, then 4 miscarriages before her current pregnancy, she is due in a week! So don't let that sway you! As for me, I cannot have children of my own, I had a complete hysterectomy this year.. I always wanted a child of my own, the only time I did get pregnant, I lost the baby at 4 months n was devistated.. My BF has 3 children and I am thankful because I love them as if they were my own!! I personally think if you want a baby, wether biological or adoption, you should!! You would not want to regret choosing not too... You only live once!

OMIGOSH YES! Having my own kids was the best thing I've ever done! It's the only thing that makes me sane actually, and shows me even more how much I cant stand SS and the mistake DH made by knocking up that hobag. Our kids are my only proof that DH really can be a decent parent, cuz for a while there I was becoming doubtful!

I know DH wishes he never had SS, and it's not because he's a horrible person, it's because he never wanted to have a kid when that idiot ended up pregnant. All he wanted was to have sex. Stupid! He didnt want ANY kid of his to have the f'd up life that SS has, and turn out the way SS is turning out because of it. DH says he loves SS and wishes things couldve been different, but he wont say he wishes he didnt exist. I just know that if HE could go back, he would NOT have lived that night the same. I on the other hand, will come out and say that I wish SS didnt exist.

But my OWN kids with DH?? Best thing ever. And I'm truly sorry that you are having conception issues (many many people close to me have gone thru the same) but I dont think you should give up that dream or be convinced to give it up because someone else (DH) doesnt have the same dream. Easy for him to say, he's already a parent! Stepkids will NEVER be the same for you, I can guarantee that much. But I know you are not given much choice in this matter. Again I'm sorry for what you are going thru.