MIL favors BM2 ugh!
So we(DH and I) had yet another stupid conversation with MIL ...an I thought things were going well ugh!
Hubs and I were conversing with mil about upcoming events and things(due to extenuating circumstances we allow mil to visit skids at our house most Sundays of the weekends they are with us)
Every 5-6 weeks DH and I take a weekend off of having the skids(this is planned weeks in advance with both BMs). This weekend is our weekend off.
So mil wanted to come over on Sunday to discuss some arrangements for the events coming up
DH tells her no bc this is our weekend off.
MIL looks confused and asks why he wont have the kids.
He repeats calmly that this is our weekend off(to clarify DH takes the kids all but maybe 6-8 weekends of the year bc weekends are his days off- he has NEVER asked me to babysit, prepare meals, change diapers, or take care of the skids in anyway.I do some things bc I like the skids most times lol.sometimes we take during week or transport to various activities.These things are not in the cystodial agreement but are done for the kids.)
Mil starts screaming "BM2 is not your babysitter you know. Why don't you pay for a babysitter.BM2 has to work weekends!!!"(BM2 works part time and refuses to go full time/she also doesn't drive relying on her current man to take her everywhere)
My jaw dropped to the floor. With eyes wide I looked at DH.
He replies:"No BM2 is The.Mother.of.My.Child and we made this arrangement with her weeks in advance!"
Ugh so disgusted and mad.
But kudos to DH for telling MIL to basically eff off
What do you guys/gals think? ALL oppinions are welcome.
Well, it's great that DH put
Well, it's great that DH put MIL back in her place.
My first thought, as I have a crazy MIL too, is that she's just upset that she isn't going to see the skids. That's all that was about. Just selfishness. She doesn't really care about bm2, she is just out for herself.
I tried to be understanding of my MIL's obsession with SS16 when she's got 3 other grandkids...I thought that because she has limited access due to my DH having EOWE, that it's hard for her, etc. Her other two grandkids she could see EOW so she's got pretty limited access all around..... but no.... she's just a boundary stomper and master manipulator.
I agree that the fantasy was
I agree that the fantasy was her spending time with skids on sunday.
However I have many more incidents during which she has treated my husband very poorly im order to favor BM2.
How is BM2 the babysitter
How is BM2 the babysitter when it is her child? Not to mention, it's really none of MIL's business.
She is the sitter bc we have
She is the sitter bc we have a weekend off and she has to watch him(in reality it will be her SO who watches him).
Agreed that it is none of mil business
She's not the sitter.
She's not the sitter. Parents do not babysit their own children. :? :?
If she is the sitter, will be paying her ti keep the kids in his weekend? Does he leaveva set of rules/instructions she must follow during those weekends?
It is her child, she is not
It is her child, she is not the babysitter, that is just ridiculous.
Mommy Dearest needs to butt
Mommy Dearest needs to butt out. Don't give her opinion any more space in your head. If she doesn't like your "weekends off" (which even parents who are together take-for their own sanity) then she can volunteer to take the skids for the weekend if she would like. Put up or shut up.
I wouldn't let a starving rat
I wouldn't let a starving rat go to her house! Eeww..
We have strong boundaries already in place for her
She is obsessed with ss6 and I actually think she thinks herself the parent.(mil has many issues)
I am being more than gracious allowing her supervised visits in our home.(extenuating circumstances).
Wait wait wait - BM2? As in
Wait wait wait - BM2? As in there is a BM1 and you are number three??
Ugh.....
Oh, and tell you MIL to butt the hell out and shut the hell up.
I do not have kids Hubs does
I do not have kids
Hubs does ss12 and ss6 with 2 dif. BMs.(yep 2)
Fortunately boundaries and schedules with BMs were already in place when I came on scene.
MIL however had her heart set on BM2.Shes having trouble breaking up with BM2.lololol(only funny when i write it down)
I have a nosy MIL, that gives
I have a nosy MIL, that gives me some whiplash, I still have no clue who she "favors" but at the very least I can be certain she's sympathetic to BM sometimes...
Some MIL's just can't accept that your DH has decided to be an adult and can make his own big-boy decisions... I remember when MIL first gave me a lecture on how BM, DH, and Skids should have a family portrait hanging on our wall when we get a house. I was seeing red. HE!! no. I told her that was inappropriate and it was our home, not hers at that point.
Thankfully her tune has changed since BM being emotionally abusive to SKids, doing drugs, and dealing drugs and living with four males and using the Skids as a pay day has come out... But dang. We had some awfully rough times there for a while. Glad your DH stuck to his guns!
The drinking, doing drugs and
The drinking, doing drugs and general
Neglectful/abusive behavior of both BMs seems to only make her love them more not less.
She thinks these women should be paid child support simply for having spawned but hubs should pay cs and have the kids weekend and weekdays take them to school buy them clothes and food while the BMs get drunk and abuse/ neglect the kids on his dime.(to clarify I do agree with supporting the kids however necessary-sometimes that means calling Child Services and taking full custody which I am prepared for).
We're getting ready for
We're getting ready for court. Living with four men in a trailer and like 30 cats and ditching the girls and just using them while dealing drugs was a pretty-definite no-go for us.Just make sure all your ducks are in a row before you act!!! Your BM might snap (that's what we're expecting). Our lawyer even told us to expect it so we got enough info to file for emergency BEFORE she gets served as a just in case.
Ours drinks too... She's preggo... I'm hoping for the love of anything holy that she dropped that for the sake fo the development of the poor unborn thing! But probably not...
For YEARS DH did everything and MIl played the "well she's mom" card... Pisses me off and frustrated DH and made him feel like s***. I don't really trust MIL now... She's too sympathetic and still fraternizes with the abusive beastie... The kids havn't seen or heard from her in over a month... Before that it was for an hour for her image and because her mom offered to pay her... It's DISGUSTING.
ProbablyAlready you are
ProbablyAlready you are correct...it is women like our MILs whose fault it is the golden uterus complex still exists.ugh!
Your situation is much worse than mine(4 men in a trailer gawd no !!!).
I hope it works out that you get custody(the children need it).In the meantimes stay strong you never know what the A****le MIL might do.
So many stories I could tell about the Bms. BM1 would snap Bm2 would welcome the opportunity to abamdon a second child(yes you read that right she has also abandoned ss6 older brother(12yo)-someone else is the father of this boy- and MIL still favors her)
Mil lack of responsability when young gave me my husband. So I guess I should pay her for her presence lol(that was a joke DH and I agreed she will NEVER live with us or be supported financially or even borrow $20 from us).
My own mom is one of those
My own mom is one of those who struggles to see that just because a woman is a mother does not make them a POS waste of skin and a toxic influence on extended, particularly blended, family. For many years of my blended family adventure to my mom, a mom or grandmother could never be a toxic influence.
For years my mom would scoff at our stories about how toxic the SpermGrandHag is and how toxic her interface with both the Skid and my DW was.
My mom would tell us of her plan call SpermGrandHag and bond over their common experience of being my SKid's grandmothers. She never actually did it but any time she heard our venting about SpermGrandHag she would restate her intent to bond with that hag.
Then... finally... she was visiting us when the SpermGrandHag called and went on one of her banshee screaming rants toward my bride over how "mean" we are and how we need to learn to forgive the SpermGrandHag's disgusting characterless crotch trophy the SpermIdiot.... how unfair CS is.... blah... blah... blah. My mom picked up the phone, shredded the SpermGrandHag and then hung up.
She gave my wife a hug and apologized for not getting it sooner.
My Skid-25 (I adopted him nearly 3yrs ago at his request)is the eldest of my parent's 4 grandspawn and they are two of his favorite people. He openly recognizes them as his only REAL grandparents and heaven forgive anyone who tried to tell my parents that the Skid isn't theirs.
My kid has no use for the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool and has had little to do with them since he aged out from under the CO when he turned 18.
My condolences on how toxic your own MIL is. Hopefully some day she will gain clarity.
Rags, OMG, yours is indeed a
Rags, OMG, yours is indeed a Story(capital S intended lol).
Fortunately my own mother(for the FIRST time in her life) agrees with me
100%.She even asked why I haven't kicked MIL out of my house yet....!(laughs-Oh mom stop...)
Hubs agrees 98% of the times(there is that 2% where I am wrong- those times he just waits until my anger cools and rationality sets in)
Your Ss asking to be adopted is awesome!