Problem with SS grandparents (Secretly hate me???)
I post on the other forums, and in regards to issues with BM, court went well.
But of course, I’m venting about another issue. BF’s family lives out of state. I met them a few times and it seemed good, although parents seemed stressed. We found out during this custody thing that his mom and bm were sending xmas cards and mom had been lying about it.
Mom once had a fight with BF and said she didn’t like me, he can do better and I’m just another BM. He stuck up for me and put her in her place. She apologized and said she was worried she would “lose him again” now that he is in another relationship. (She and BM had a huge fight after wedding and BF didn’t speak to them until after the divorce).
Fast forward to this week. His mom has moved in a man 20 years her junior, he has no job, no money, no car. He got arrested for drunk driving and mom is now saying “all cops are corrupt” and that they put alcohol in his car just to arrest him. I know some cops are bad, but this kind of talk is just ridiculous.
BF has been arguing with mom about this for a few days (whole family has been keeping this from him) when she turned it around on me, saying, “Are you with Cookieboom?” “Yes,” then she starts on how she doesn’t want me knowing her personal business and I am not part of the family (Yet this guy is?)
BF stuck up for me and they had a huge fight, he saying he wanted nothing to do with his family. I told him he can;;t stop talking to them. We called a friend who is a social worker who said to not worry about it, mom is going to change, make boundaries and tell her “I love you and I love Cookieboom and that’s the way it is going to be.” (She also made a comment that I am making this about me when its about his mom and the opportunist, yet I am not the one who brought myself up).
Last night she called and apologized saying I am good for him and she has a hard time opening up to women as she had a bad relationship with her mom, no I love you, etc. She said she hoped she didn’t ruin things for us. He told her that we are a team, I help him with BM, he is a much stronger man because of me and I encourage him with BM, SS and his relationship with them.
Still reeling after all of this. The social worker said is seems like mom is like BM, and he needs to go to therapy alone (Without me) to “Get out of the cycle of abuse” and deal with his issues with mom.
Still reeling after this. Not sure if all of this drama is worth it. I kind of makes me upset that after all of this crap with BM, the dragging of my reputation in court and I am not considered part of the family.
"Mom once had a fight with BF
Mom also said she was kicking out opporunist
Your MIL is too old to change
What you see is what you get. You will never have a relationship with her. So just start disregarding with her. She and BM can be best friends. Telling themselves how great they are
AGREE
I agree with you Harry! Keep your distance; she has shown you who she is- believe her.
Drama city
All this drama must wear you out. The therapist sounds wise. I'd be polite and civil to MIL but that's all. At least she called to apologize but you have enough upset in your life without her. Hang in there and try to keep your balance.
Thanks
Thanks you! I misunderstood the social worker, she told BF that this issue is about mom and her drama, not me and for us not to get dragged into her drama, BF told her how he feels about that man living with her and now it's up to her to deal with it. She also said when she calls BF and inquires if I'm there to say, "Yes she's here, I consider her part of the family and if you don't like that I'm going to hang up".
we have therapy in two weeks...maybe!
In regards to court:
The judge handed her her hat and BF is going to reunification therapy with SS next week. BM was told by judge that she (The judge) no longer wants to hear about me, I am of no basis to the custody and have nothing to do with the custody of SS. BM had nothing to say, had to admit in court that she has been vacationing and leaving SS with sitters, yet claims she is broke and needs more CS.
For what it's worth, if your
For what it's worth, if your SO decides to cut ties with toxic family members don't try to stop them. I made that mistake when I first got together with hubby. He had to sit me down and patiently explain the situation was beyond hope and those people destroyed him mentally. Years later I really appreciate that he took steps to protect himself and me from his crazy relatives. He has only limited contact with the most well behaved ones.
It might seem harsh but if he decides he needs to break free to be healthy, support him please.
Thanks littlecloud
I will support him!!! The social worker told me the same thing. We have therapy next week, and I think he may start going alone to work on all of this.
BF was upset because mom called him yesterday to complain about nonsense. He tried to talk without getting into the drama, yet was a little hurt that she pretended everything was fine. He was also upset when she had a lackadaisical attitude when he told her he will be seeing SS soon.
He said has been realizing that mom and BM are quite similar, and how different my family is compared to his. We are going on vacation for a few days just to forget about the past week!