Girl has more problems than DH realizes!
I couldn't help myself today! I noticed that HHB left her notebook behind in plain site in the room she will use if she EVER comes to visit (she hasn't been at our house since she got her stuff, and hasn't stayed an overnight since she moved out). Girl had herself completely convinced she was being abused here! SERIOUSLY!! It is scary! She wrote in her notebook that she couldn't take the abuse any longer, and hoped that dear daddy would be proud of her when she was gone! ABUSE? DH always sang her praises! I simply avoided talking to her as much as possible. It was only recently in her stay that DH even started coming down on her...and it wasn't for nothing! It was for lying, getting into trouble with the cops, failing grades...you know...the stuff any normal kid would have parents come down on them for!! But to her this is abuse? Never really having any punishment handed down until recently is abuse? I guess making one clean up after themselves is abuse? Not giving in to every little thing a child asks for is abuse? If that is abuse, what is it those poor kids endure who don't get fed, who get hit on a daily basis, who constantly get told they are stupid and worthless? If what HHB hand to "endure" here was abuse, then anything worse must be just plain murder!
My word...I can only imagine what this girl has told other people!!! I think I should just count my blessings that CPS never knocked on our door. Count my blessings even more that she is out of this house, and pray that she stays gone!!
Of course the big question is, do I show DH the notebook?
That would be my reason for
That would be my reason for not letting her back into my home. Falsely claim abuse, even if not formally, and I would be DONE.
So, yeah, I'd probably show him.
id show him the book, then
id show him the book, then burn it. you dont want her getting a hold of it and then having it wind up in a court room.
It amazes me what kids think
It amazes me what kids think life should be like these days! The stuff in her book looks like it was written over the last month she was here...when she was getting in trouble left and right. I do know of a time before that BM calling DH cussing, because HHB told BM that she didn't feel DH was taking good enough care of her! before that blow up, DH had refused to take her on a Sephora trip...and told her that he would be more than happy to take her to the grocery store for the items she needed (think it was eyeliner and foundation). HHB had a big fit about it. DH went ahead and took her to the grocery store which was way more than I would have done! Make-up is not an essential! I would have told her, "Fine, then you can do without!" She had also thrown a fit about something else DH wouldn't buy her at the mall around that time. Naturally, HHB used that opportunity to also throw in that dear daddy wouldn't find the money to fix the spaces in her teeth which she thought were ugly!
Keep in mind, DH is the same guy that when HHB "needed" a particular dress for color guard officer tryouts, he paid $70 for the dress and about $30 for expedited shipping, and then got yelled at by BM that he didn't pay $50 for overnight shipping (this was while the girl lived with us, and BM wasn't offering any financial assistance at all)!! The dress still got here in time, but it was too close for everyone, and he was such a bad person for not spending the extra $$$!
This is just a couple of examples of how high maintenance this girl is. So, yeah, not getting her way in her eyes? Yeah, that is abuse! How dare anyone not bow to her!
"I'm not sure I'd play into
"I'm not sure I'd play into her hands like that."
Yeah, see, that is where I'm torn! I know DH...he will see that, and he will call her. He will want her to come over for the weekend to talk things out, and it will end up being a total kiss up fest (with DH kissing HHB ass). He will feel all bad and guilty that she felt so mistreated.
Of course, there is that small possibility he will go through the roof and see her as an ungrateful b***h!
So yeah...I don't want to play into her hand, but DH needs to know the kind of person he is dealing with! UGH...this is so frustrating!
I would not present it to DH.
I would not present it to DH. But I would make sure that HE would find it and read it HIMSELF. That way he doesn't get defensive and all you-hate-my-kid-like.
Yeah, see, that is where I'm
Yeah, see, that is where I'm torn! I know DH...he will see that, and he will call her. He will want her to come over for the weekend to talk things out, and it will end up being a total kiss up fest (with DH kissing HHB ass). He will feel all bad and guilty that she felt so mistreated.
If you know that that's what he will do, then I wouldn't show him.
Wow, these kids today
Wow, these kids today wouldn't last 30 seconds with my parents...my lord.
I fear if you show DH, he will think he WAS abusive and it may backfire on you...
OH yeah they sure wouldn't
OH yeah they sure wouldn't last with old school parents that's for sure.
Yeah...this is what I'm
Yeah...this is what I'm thinking after living through the last two years with this girl in my house. "I should have never come down on her!" He already believes this crap that HHB has low self-esteem. He obviously has not been living with the same kid I've lived with for the last 2 years! He's missed how she talks about being so great all the time...when she isn't talking crap about other people. Like I said, the things she wrote seem to coincide with the trouble she was getting into, because the first stuff in the book is about the "not-boyfriend" (and that "not-relationship" ended right after Thanksgiving).
And you're right...some of these kids would not live 30 seconds with our parents. I mean, I had a pretty long chore list...HHB would have probably written that we were treating her like Cinderella...that she was being required to clean the WHOLE house while no one else did anything! LOL She already acted like us telling her to clean up after herself was just so wrong!
Put it in a safe place where
Put it in a safe place where neither HHB or your DH will find it. If your DH ever finally gets fed up with her BS, then MAYBE consider showing it to him. You know your DH best. If he's going to get bent and think he was a big meanie to poor wittle pwecious HHB, get rid of it. Dump it in a trashcan at your nearest gas station.
Exactamundo (said in The Fonz
Exactamundo (said in The Fonz voice)
my SD14 mercifully has never
my SD14 mercifully has never claimed physical abuse, but last year she was claiming my fiance "verbally abuses her". for one thing, she isnt bright enough to even know a term like "verbal abuse" so clearly it was fed to her from her mother. but im sure she took his yelling at her for crap she was doing to be "abuse".
"im sure she took his yelling
"im sure she took his yelling at her for crap she was doing to be 'abuse'."
This is my thinking with HHB. She did try to tell BM that ALL that DH does is yell at her! I had to laugh when DH told me that! 99% of the time the girl lived here, all DH did was give her "talks" when she got in trouble...and those talks were always in a soft "honey, I'm not mad at you" kind of voice! So when he finally had enough there at the end, and started yelling, that turned in to him yelling at her ALL THE TIME!
HHB was also spending a lot of time on the phone with BM when she got in trouble, so I wouldn't be surprised if BM was feeding into it only hearing HHB's inaccurate and/or exaggerated side of events.
HHB has more to journal about
HHB has more to journal about than her alleged "abuse." So if the notebook doesn't contain anything about her other shenanigans, things you don't already know about, I'd say she definitely left it on purpose. She probably knows she isn't getting any sympathy from you, so her daddy is who it was really left out for. She wants him to feel bad that she felt abused. She wants him to go crawling to her, to try to make her feel better about that. And she probably has a plan in her scheming mind as to what she will say/do next once it's brought up. This girl is all about manipulation, and this is just one more of her tactics.
I personally would not show DH the notebook. You'll be playing right into her hands.
I got to thinking after
I got to thinking after reading replies, and went and looked further in the room. I'm quite a bit convinced now that she meant for the notebook to be found by DH after the new binder we got her about a month before last semester finished. Stuffed between her papers from school were notes from friends talking about "smoking" pot, pictures HHB drew of girls with e-cigs blowing smoke/vapor, another friend calling HHB her "bong buddy" and calling HHB her favorite "stoner girl"! I KNEW that e-cig thing last school year seemed suspicious (if you remember, she said her friend told her to hold it for her, but HHB got trouble in the morning on the bus for having it out, and the friend in question does not ride the same bus)! I also KNEW that the girl many times appeared to be stoned, though she was telling DH she was just tired...didn't sleep well...didn't feel well! If she is now vaping THC, there wouldn't be any smell! Been reading up, and this appears to be the new trend for teens because of this very fact. They can "toke up" at school, hide the e-cig under their sleeve in the hall, and because the teachers can't smell anything, they don't know. Would explain her coming home from school and going straight to sleep (since THC is a downer).
Oh, as this all unfolds! Yeah, I don't think I'm going to show DH the notebook...I'm believing she wanted him to see it and play into her game. I have half a mind to take the notebook and all the notes and put them in a nice hiding spot. If she ever comes over and goes to find them, she will see them gone and know that someone knows...but who...and what all do they know? Doubt she would say anything to DH about the stuff missing...and if she did try to say that "someone" was snooping around the room and took things, I would have the bomb in hand!
Sure, put the notebook on
Sure, put the notebook on DH's pillow and let him read it. That ought to cement SD's departure to the permanent column in the notebook. I am not one to play games, I just play the facts and drive the consequences.
BD23 called today. I love
BD23 called today. I love having someone I can talk to!! I told her what HHB had been up to, and BD23 said if she didn't have to work, she would be in her car on her way here to give the girl a piece of her mind!! She said, "I hope dad is ready to be a grandpa, because that girl is going to have a baby before I do at the rate she is going!!" She said that HHB tried a few times to complain to her about DH and I always being on her case. BD23 told me, "Yeah, I got the feeling she was just trying to play victim to get attention, and I would tell her, 'I know my mom...she wouldn't be getting on to you unless you were doing something wrong! And dad? Yeah, if he is actually yelling at you, then you must have done something really wrong, because it takes a lot more to get him mad than my mom!'"
BD23 is all excited about the Super Bowl being in her city this year. The hotel she works at is one of the upscale places in town where a lot of celebrities stay. She said that both Nelly and Katy Perry are staying there, as well as a bunch of NFL players, etc.. Of course, BD23 is thinking, "Man, I better get some big tips...LOL!" She said the dogs need new toys.
LOL...no, unlike HHB, BD23
LOL...no, unlike HHB, BD23 isn't superficial like that. She is in a committed relationship that is going on about 3 years now...they are even starting to talk marriage. A good guy that treats her really well, unlike that slime who she was engaged to when she moved out there, who spent all of his time chasing after everything in a skirt. She is trying to put some money aside to pay for an animal behavior college she wants to go to that doesn't have much in the area of financial aid. She puts all of her tips aside for that, so if she can get some good ones Super Bowl weekend, it would put a good chunk in her fund. She doesn't want to be cleaning hotel rooms her whole life. She has always loved animals, and wants to work with them for a living. Her ultimate goal for her future is to own her own boarding, training, and pet spa place, and to start a pit-bull rescue in her area.
Bwahahahaha! I'm putting bets
Bwahahahaha!
I'm putting bets on SD! Of course, that wouldn't actually make me a granny. I mean, don't I have to claim the girl? I've washed my hands of her!
You have to remember...HHB is
You have to remember...HHB is the mirror image of her mother. Only difference is that HHB is still a social butterfly who leaves the house, often when she should be staying home (like at 2 am). Of course, that used to be BM back in the days...so it could change later. I still think the only reason that BM doesn't want to leave the house these days is that she is embarassed that she has gained so much weight. When you go from a size 4 to a size where the only comfortable thing to wear is guys' XXXL sweats, and you were very narcissistic and self absorbed to begin with, yeah, I can see where that would make you want to stay hidden from the world.
So, I think being a step gran would be worse. I mean, grandparents tend to have the reputation for being the ones to spoil the kids, so how do you think spoiled, self absorbed brats look at grandparents?