How do you deal with the "my kids would never do that" response.
The husband had received a large amount of cash from a customer who often pays in cash, and he left it lying around long after it had been entered in the business books, so I asked him to deposit it. He said he would, but then said, "it's probably good to keep a few hundred around the house." I replied that I did not think that was a good idea because it can be tempting to teenagers. His remark to me was, "oh is your child going to steal it because my children never would." It was said with a really indigent tone. I replied, "I think no matter what the age it is foolish to bury our heads in the sand."
I was a bit tacken aback by his attitude about his own kids. He knows they have bought pot and such with money that was supposed to be used for other things. I reminded him of this and he said, "that's not the same thing that's just repurposing money that's not stealing." The odd thing is he once said he worried about his son taking some money that had been lying around.
How do you deal with this attitude of sticking head in the sand, and then jumping all over someone for something they never said? It really annoyed me to be treated that way.
Exactly, I said it not to
Exactly, I said it not to accuse, but to say hey let's not tempt anyone, but he immediately became all indignant and righteous. I held my tongue because I just was not in the mood to go back and forth about it, but it did not sit well. It left a nagging feeling.
Why do they always seem to think they have to protect their kids from us when we have not done or said anything???? I don't understand...
Yes, the "repurposing' remark
Yes, the "repurposing' remark was a major eye roll, inwardly, of course.
I know many people who have had eye popping revelations as a result of video. I hope that is never needed in our home.
It's that whole, head in the sand, my kids are perfect blather that these dads seem to love to spout. I am sure mother's do it too. To what end????
Sad that the spouse becomes the suspect/enemy.
Good time to "repurpose" any
Good time to "repurpose" any money that DH has in his account for a few baubbles, earings, bracelets, etc.
On this site there have been Guilty Dads (and PASinator BMS) that have been shown footage of their little "angels" in action and still have gone into denial. . ."someone else must have put that idea into their head. . .blah blah"
Guilty parenting is like alcoholism/addiction. Can never say "RECOVERED!" They may be RECOVERING guilty parents but that is as far as it goes.
Funny how they have eagle
Funny how they have eagle eyes for anything we might be doing that could harm in the slightest, but utterly ignore their own, turn a blind eye, destructive behavior towards their kids???? Insane!
Cannot stop giggling! That is
Cannot stop giggling! That is too amusing and spot on using his twisted logic!
"repurposing money" OMG - now
"repurposing money"
OMG - now I have heard it all.
SS10 was caught stealing money from BM..... she asked OH to deal with it (major eye roll) and he spoke to SS about it. Apparently SS was just borrowing it to "look at it!"
And OH looked like he wanted to believe that ss seriously intended to put it back when he was done looking.... because his snowflake woundn't steal. I just looked at him and didn't say anything, so he piped up with "of course I don't believe him"
yeah, tell yourself that, neither of us believe it!
When SD was swearing at my dd's and telling them she hated them, and that she hated me (and various other crap) and also stealing from all my dd's - proof was even there that OH couldn't argue with - he still tried.
His exact words "I have to believe there is some other explanation - your dd must be lying, because I KNOW sd and she would not do that!"
My OH actually believes that
My OH actually believes that his boy obsessed daughter will not have a boyfriend until he says she can, won't "experiment" until she is married - etc etc etc.
and his son won't wank either. Sorry crude - but we were talking about boy stuff as I only have girls - and I said I had read somewhere {here to be exact} that boys put socks on it to wank and then leave the icky socks laying around, something to look forward too - words to that effect! His response was "his son will never do that!!! he never masturbated and his son won't either!!!"
I call BS, because I know for a fact he has
eeeeuuuuuwwwwww that is all
eeeeuuuuuwwwwww
that is all
Oh my God. Now I am doubly
Oh my God.
Now I am doubly certain the ss will never live with us....
It's funny because his attitude about sex isn't straitlaced or shameful etc, he's pretty ummmmm open-minded?
So I was surprised by this.
I mean I don't like to think of the dd's doing it all, but am not naïve, I know they will.... heck, two of them are in their 20's so I know they do.... just don't think about it LOL
They refusal to believe in
They refusal to believe in the flaws of their own children really does nothing but harm the very people that they purport to love most.
Taking the money just to see what it looked like is up there with the repurposing! That they can say this stuff with a serious straight face amazes me!
It never ceases to amaze me
It never ceases to amaze me how people can lie to themselves. When they love someone, it's the absolute worst trying to get them to see reality. I've found this goes for lots of people - we never want to see the truth, as the truth can sometimes be too painful.
I had a friend who was married to a total douche-bag once. Yeah, the guy never worked, slept on the couch most of the day, would disappear at night to go drinking, drive drunk, come home drunk...etc...etc... He was busted TWICE for drinking and driving - and yep - three times is a felony.
My friend would call me night after night frantic, to tell me about another one of his escapades. It actually became annoying for me, because of the EXCUSES she would make up for this guy. At one point she told me she thought he had diabetes, as that could make you "tired and sleep a lot." She also said his mood changes would be reflective of someone with fluctuating blood sugar levels. Yes...well, that's all well and good. But she forgot to think about the elephant in the room. HE CAME HOME DRUNK ALMOST EVERY NIGHT!!! I can't tell you how maddening it was to have to listen to this sh*t! I told her one day "Look ____....did you ever think that maybe _____ is an alcoholic?" The phone went dead. I could feel her wheels turning - the truth...trying to creep it's way into her head... Anyway...I did my job. I planted the seed of doubt...the voice of reason in her head that would perhaps allow her to entertain the thought, that maybe...jut maybe....her husband didn't have diabetes...but actually was a boozer.
So long story short (too late), she began to notice things more and more. Signs...that were actually there all along, but she never took the blinders off before to see. Powder on soda cans. Missing cash. Etc...etc... Turns out, he wasn't just a boozer, but was also supporting a nasty little coke habit. The missing money? Oh this is a classic. She asked him about it. One day she was missing like 50 bucks. She point blank asked him where it went. You know what he said? He said (and I'll never forget this) that "it flew out of the window while I was driving." LOL!!!! Are you kidding me? Isn't that just rich? I mean that's GRADE-A stuff right there!
Anyway...sorry to go off on this with you. But my point is - never doubt a person's ability to lie to themselves - especially where a loved one or CHILD is concerned. I would suggest...rather than making any accusations...just say to DH next time - "listen honey...I don't know where this money went...but do you think...is it possible maybe...____ could take it?" He might still freak out and get defensive. But by phrasing it in the form of a question, it sort of forces him to answer that question...which means...he has to entertain that thought.
I dunno - might work, might not. If not...then ultimately you may have to resort to the good 'ole nanny cam!
Wow,thank you for sharing the
Wow,thank you for sharing the story. It is a prime example of how people can choose not to see, literally the elephant standing in the middle of the room. I hope your friend was able to escape the situation as it sounds soul crushing.
Did like the money flew out window. Yep, flew out of the window, and my stepchild just happened to catch it, and isn't that how it always. Silly us for doubting.
I do not even bother to suggest. I have learned that even when your suggestion is correct, you are still hated.The whole kill the messenger thing.
Nanny cam. Wow, who would have thought one would ever need such things.
The sad thing is that if his kids did have an accident or something, he would immediately blame himself for not dealing with the stealing. That's the thing deep down he knows but does not want to confront the situation. So, when something bad happens it will them become "I am so horrible I should have done something." I just do not get it!
Thanks for sharing your story and your suggestions. I appreciate it!
Yeah...sorry...I realized
Yeah...sorry...I realized after I wrote what I wrote, that you already phrased things in a question - so obviously that tactic doesn't work with your hubby. Hmmmm....
I'm sorry he's in such major denial, and that you have to deal with his utter inability to see reality. I guess ultimately, it's easier for him to blame himself, than to blame his children.
With my friend, she did come around, and filed for divorce and got away from her nutter husband. And of course...he's still a total douche. She has to deal with him because of their daughter, but he's a complete tool who now lives with HIS parents - I mean this guy doesn't even have a checking account - he needs to cash his checks at the grocery store!
Try to hang in there...I don't know what else to say. I'm trying to get my husband to see things too right now, and although my situation isn't as bad - I do understand where you're coming from.
I hope things get better for you soon.