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How in the WORLD can't other parent see it??

hbell0428's picture

Submitted by hbell0428 on Thu, 09/02/2010 - 11:01am

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Teenage Stepchildren

So... I have a SD13; and have been w her for 12Yrs!! Her BM recently gave her the boot becuase she was ruining her marriage and has been with us 4 3 months...LONG months. SD gets to come and go when pleases; no chores (gets money whenever) basically she has a dorm room; by the way - I am not aloud in there and she doesn't have to pick it up!!aaahhh
NE way; we had a "family" discussion the other night and my BD11 says that she hates it when her SS takes her stuff without asking and they aren't even aloud to step one foot in HER room or else.... Dad says - Oh get over it ~ and tells her thats stupid. My BD simply says ~ forget it; i can see where this is going; you (dad) never say nething to HER just because you don't want to hear her mouth. You never say anything to her; she does whatever she wants!! Can you believe it? an 11 yr old can see the difference already. These examples can go on and on and on; but this is the most recent. How can I get him to see that he is bieng completely favorable with her? My BS7 also says the same sort of things. :? P.S. I do stick up for my BC; but it doesn't get me ne where HELP!!

lisa510's picture

Submitted by lisa510 on Thu, 09/02/2010 - 11:23am

I'm having the same issue. I don't know what the hell the problem is with these DH. They don't want to get involved and then we suffer the effects. It's ridiculous.

I know I should take my own advice, but maybe we should leave the DHs out of it and just do what we know needs to be done: correct the behavior. I'm trying behavior modification with my 16YO SD and believe me, I don't like it at all. But I either face the issue and take it by the horns or I live in misery.

Take it by the horns! You set the tone -- not the kids or skids, or whatever.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Thu, 09/02/2010 - 11:36am

I think you disengage from the SD. But, if they interfere with your Bio's lives, than all bets are off and you start disciplining. Tell DH that and then do it. Good luck...

jojo68's picture

Submitted by jojo68 on Sat, 09/04/2010 - 8:19am

Agree....disengaging is the only way I have found to cope. BF is completely blind to what a little heathen he and BM have created by not having rules or boundaries and thinking they can do no wrong...absolutely absurd. The biggest reason I made the decision to disengage was because of a comment made to my BS that BF daughter made about he (my son) and I not being a part of the family and that we shouldn't even be there. That was the straw that broke the camel's back for me.

pastepmomof3's picture

Submitted by pastepmomof3 on Sat, 09/04/2010 - 7:11am

Maybe I'm just a hardass, but if its your house and you're paying the rent or mortgage, who is she to not allow anyone in "her" room? Forget that. Remove the damn door from the hinges and "lose" the hardware. I think the same rules should apply to her that apply to your BK's. Either you clean it or i clean it for you. And if she thinks she is owed the door back, tell her she can earn it back by helping take care of the household. You are not her personal servant and if everyone else is expected to pitch in, she should have the same expectation. And the stealing crap - um, yeah, that would cease immediately. If she's allowed in everyone else's room, her room is no different. While you are not encouraging stealing or rummaging through each other's personal items, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the younger kids going in and getting their things back.

You already have horns growing out of your head and the pitch fork is in the corner - might as well use them. Wink Good luck!

SammyJo58's picture

Submitted by SammyJo58 on Sat, 09/04/2010 - 10:36pm

My Bio son has been told that although it is HIS room, it is OUR house. He has been told that he is not allowed to order me out of his room under any circumstances. If he doesn't like it - there's the door. He's 19 now and at college, but he understands that living here means living with rules and expectations. Like a tidy room, picking up your laundry. If he doesn't clean his room, I do and he doesn't get to bitch about where things are after the fact.

Until these kids realize that only when they pay the mortgage and the bills do they get to dictate the terms of their residency, they will keep acting entitled. I would say to her that these are the house rules. And have your hubby back you up.