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i told him how i feel..............

buterfly_2011's picture

Well tonight I finally lost it. Hadn't heard from the "fiance" since 1 this afternoon. The SS that I have bonded with kept texting me asking me when I was coming over to his dads "house" to see them. I'm so angry that I am the one having to explain things and that I can't just say exactly why. Let me elaborate. He goes to his mothers when the skids come and stays there. Which if you read my other post you will know why. I refuse to pack up my kids and my company to drive 100 miles (that's there and back) to have "sleep overs" I'm done doing it. Its not fair to his mom. That would mean she would have 7 kids in her home and he and I. All because he is living this lie... that's what I'm calling it. He is lying to them about our relationship. Ok so back to my point. I told SS that I was sorry but really he needed to ask his father BUT he was more then welcome to come stay with me. The SD of course won't have that. But I tried. I texted m "fiance" to tell him SS was asking me questions and id appreciate it if he would do the explaining since this situation is all on him not me and I was tired of him showing them its ok to treat me this way. And that he is showing SD that my feelings don't matter. He did not reply. Mind you I hadn't heard from him since 1pm. He finally texted back to say sorry I have been with SD. He said they invited me over last night but I chose to stay home with my daughter.... excuse me? I live here and my daughter hasn't been home in 8 months. I'm not the one packing up to retreat when skids get here why should I have to go there????? Then he said I have an excuse for everything. I simply replied saying yep your right you "invited" me over and I stayed home. Totally my fault. Then I threw my phone ad screamed. I feel terrible I don't want to ruin his week with his kids. I don't know what o do. SS is coming to stay with me Friday night. But the others are not. Sd doesn't want to. She wants plans with her dad. I'm torn. Do I attempt to go over or stand my ground and stay home?
If I have mispellings sorry I'm on my andriod and its really tiny print!

twopines's picture

Don't let him twist this to make it your fault. I think you did the right thing by staying home and not giving in to the utter ridiculousness of uprooting yourself to satisfy his lies.

beyond pissed-off's picture

Stay put. So long as you let him drag you into his lies - and all over the state! - he will.

alwaysanxious's picture

He is letting his mini-wife run his life. I would tell him that too. He would be so gone. I would tell him it's over, he already has a girlfriend.

Everything will be your fault not his. Don't feel bad or concerned about his time with his children. He isn't concerned about you. He is so transparent its sickening.

alwaysanxious's picture

It's bookmarked on my browser. Just waiting for SO to happen upon it sometime when he is using my computer }:)

buterfly_2011's picture

I told him last night that until his lies stop and he realizes the SD doesn't make the rules and he is not ruled by her I am out of the equation. I also told him we are not engaged. When I'm a secret how could we be?
Thank you for the article. I will be leaving that one up for him if he decides to make the right choice and come home to where he lives.
He did reply to me this morning. More excuses and I'm sorrys. I've heard it for a year now. I'm sick of sorrys. Make a change. Thas all I had to say. He told me SD loves me and that her bible studies are helping her to understand that I'm in her dads life and how to not be jealous. I have heard this before as well. Church has changed her..... yea it has she is more judgemental and finger pointing. It makes me sick she uses church.
This morning I'm trying to digest that things may very well be over. I am heartbroken to have put so much into something to get a slap in the face.

alwaysanxious's picture

I think you did the right thing. All that talk about SD was him trying to get you to feel bad and make you see things his way. They were not for your benefit. They were to make you like her the way he wants you to.

CowGirl's picture

Regardless of what SD says or wants ..... your fiance still made HIS choices. I realized that in my last relationship. I am sorry you are going thru this. You gave your all ... if you didn't you wouldn't feel heartbroken. Next time when you give your all i hope your heart is fulfilled and not broken Wink

Piglet99's picture

You are lucky you realized this and stood your ground. I wish I had the strength to do this with my DH and his SD. It is very hard to live through a life where you are the black sheep and you are blamed for things because it's his kid and no matter what, even if he says otherwise, that daughter of his will always be his number 1.

buterfly_2011's picture

I feel like I have experienced enough BS in my life to continue without standing my ground. I figure if I tell him flat out this is how I feel and nothing gets done then I have done my part. I have no idea what else to do other then to voice my concerns. Sad thing is I have no control over how he deals with my feelings. Which is proving to be putting them on the back burner. Like the THIRD burner behind the SD and the BM.