Yeah...tell her to leave! If she believes that your requests for help and chores is hate then I'd HATE to know what her definition of LOVE is. I have the EXACT same problem, although SD is 11. You are not asking too much in my opinion and your OH should only know what real hatred and cruelty is towards her kid. If you really want to work it out I'd suggest that you get counseling for yourselves first and then with Skid. It may sound weird but sometimes when a "professional" says the same thing you have been saying for years, it makes the OH say "Hmmm maybe you are right." Know this though, if the OH has it in her mind that you hate her kid and she can't stand the hatred anymore and thinks you should go separate ways, then its probably pretty severe and she's in protect mode and may be too late. Remember that will ALWAYS be her daughter and in her mind she will be doing whats best for HER even if that means leaving you. Good Luck!

Well, I agree that a 16 year old should be doing chores around the house, but I disagree that she should be paying board. She is still a minor. I'm sure your OH is receiving child support so that in and of itself is contributing to your househould.

You probably should just sit down and have a candid conversation with your OH and come to an agreement about the chores. Then, let her mother enforce it. This way you get say in your home, but don't have to be the bad guy.

Will probably still be seen as the bad guy Totaly because if Mom hasn't enforced chores or responsibility before then her daughter will have to think it's because of BF...no win situation IMO

Then it sounds like you know what you should do...Good Luck!

That is very sad that you feel like you SHOULD come second. I'm of the mind that no matter what number marriage you're on...(lol) the marriage comes first.

If your OH is not listening to you and you have tried to discuss your feelings, then I guess there really isn't much else to do but to draw the line in the sand. If she's stubborn enough to bite her nose off despite her face, then you are probably better off without her.

Counseling? Seems like you and your partner have communicaation issues. She thinks you are hating on her child and you think the kid should have to step up. I don't think what you are asking for is unreasonable. Do you want to be with a woman that can't or won't listen to you and won't listen to constructive criticism? How does that bode for dealing with other issues down the road?

Funny...I'm in the same boat. I just got asked why don't I like SD16...my answer is that I LIKE her very much, I just have no RESPECT for her. She does nothing, has no hobbies, makes bad grades, is overweight, is bitchy, sneaky, has stolen from me...yet I try and try to help her. Just like you, if I mention that she needs to do chores, or go find a job, or GOD FORBID study, I'm told by her mother that I need to butt out, who do I think I am, what do I know about raising a teenage girl, etc. I pay her cell phone bill, pay the cable bill, pay the water bill, pay the mortgage, have bought her clothes, sports equipment (that she never uses), I've paid her school fees when her mom's been short...and yet, I get asked by her mom why I don't like her??? Would I do any of those things if I didn't want her to have a better life? It would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic.

i think the bio parents take it as an attack on their parenting skills if we steps suggest the skids help around the house. my dh for sure has said "why do you think i'm a bad parent?" when i talk to him about getting ss16 to help out with chores, etc. its hard for all of us to step back and see that we're coming from two different ways WE were raised and its just that we see parenting a little differently. until the bios see this as a team effort, that both of us are involved now in parenting, its gonna be lose/lose. its sad-these could be good opportunities for the kids to have not one, but two good parents in their lives if the bios would only let down a little guard and accept some advice or engage in some simple family planning to make the house run more smoothly. i'm going through the same thing right now and i thought we were doing pretty well. skid stuff will never stop happening-you have to roll with it TOGETHER....its not happening for me right now, but i sure wish it was. only way its going to work is a partnership- i see that clearly now. i wish you the best-i know how hard it is. hang in there!

I also agree with Totallybogus. A 16 yr old should not have to contribute to the household financially (with the exception if said child has quit school), regardless of whether mom is getting child support or not. Hopefully mom is instilling other responsibilities and good money management skills and the child is saving or at least spending on transportation and/or car ins.

Sorry, but I have no good advice for the rest. Hopefully, you can come up with some creative way to approach the subject with your OH so that she doesn't feel the need to be defensive. Somehow you need to let her know this is not personal (to her daughter) but I difference in parenting styles maybe.

Good luck.

I can relate and totally agree that there is NOTHING wrong with having the kid be involved with house hold chores , I am the Step person in this house hold and I say step person because we are not Married , " will NEVER do that again " anyway , my GF's daughters are the most laziest kids I know and I make comments about having them help around the house , Hell they are the ones who create most of the messes in the home anyway , then the GF complains how she has to pick up after them all the time and Bla Bla Bla , well I say have them help clean up or get on them about Not making such a mess in the first place , she then tells me , " they are kids and kids do that kind of stuff " then we get into an argument about how her parenting skills and it becomes a different argument rather than the original reason for the argument ..

If you Love her enough to make it work , then the two of you need to be on the same page with rules that the two of you can be on the same page with , if Not , save yourself from current and future agony because there will be more issues and get larger and larger .. Then these issues will always get re-brought up in future arguments .. cause there will be more ..