Oh no she didn't!
SD15 comes out and asks if I have polish remover. I tell her I do, but I'm not getting up right this second to get it for her (was playing a game on my phone, and wasn't going to jump because she said). SD15 goes instantly into bitch mode..."Well, I want to repaint my nails now, and I have to take my polish off!" Really? You going to try to demand me? I tell her again that I'm not getting it for her at that moment. "Well, just tell me where it is and I'll get it myself!" Wth? So then I tell her no...that I don't want her going through my stuff, and she can wait until I feel like getting it for her!
DH is sitting there, and for once, steps up and tells her to cut the attitude! SD15 tries to claim that she doesn't have an attitude, while the tone of her voice is total disdain and she is standing with her hip to the side! DH told her, "Yes, you do! Whenever you go to your mother's, you come home and treat people like crap! Now, what are you doing?" SD15 claims that she is picking up her room. I tell her then she doesn't need the polish remover right this second, because she can't clean with wet nails! SD15 storms off back to her room and slams the door.
I finally get the remover and text her to come out to the TV room to use it. DH asks me why she has to use it in the TV room, and I tell him flat out that my stuff does NOT go to her room because I will never see it again. All he could say was, "Valid point'"
I shouldn't have even gotten the remover for her, but I didn't wNt to deal with her next toe in church all tomorrow morning bumping me as she is trying to scrape off the old polish and dropping it on the church carpet! I did make her wait a couple of hours, though! Think you are going to demand me? I don't think so!!!
Oh...she slams any door she
Oh...she slams any door she closes...all the time! She is told constantly to not slam our car doors...in the past, she has blown a speaker in my car slamming the door! Pantry, fridge, dishwasher, cabinets...if it has a door, it is slammed!
She adds the extra stomping when she doesn't get her way. We live in a manufactured home, so you hear it all the way to the other end of the house, which she fully intends! She will also slam other things to make it known she is not pleased with something...like the other day when she slammed her bowl (plastic) and spoon into the dishwasher. It's all part of her over dramatic way of responding to things!
I didn't know so many had the
I didn't know so many had the same frustrations I do!!! SD15 threw dishes in sink and slammed her door when she was mad at my fiance for suspending her cell phone data since she went over the limit. He later knocked on the slam door to tell her something. I told him the next day it's ridiculous that he knocked on a door in his home that she slammed. Instead, he gets mad at me, asking what's wrong with knocking, as she is a girl and he can't just walk in? WTF? I want to take the door off the hinge for a day. I can't even imagine his response toward me if I suggested that idea. How do I get him to understand the disrespect is disrespectful towards me also?
I hate this
I'm glad Daddy is backing you
I'm glad Daddy is backing you up. But she's not receiving sufficient consequences for all that slamming. Granted she's an angry young lady most likely over the divorce that she can't just go around destroying other peoples property.
Daddy needs to step in and make the consequences high enough that she stops. You two know what she enjoys the most - a week without it a few times should get it under control and the same can be used to control the attitude.
This stuff gets to be habit forming in people especially young ones. My niece often calls her friends "idiots" and uses the word frequently. When I made a driving error she used the word and I verbally slammed her and her mother instantly did the same.
Your step needs immediate and serious feedback when she's doing this stuff.
Today has been hell!!! Today
Today has been hell!!!
Today was the first day SD15 has been at church since the breakup. OMG! She was laying it on thick to get sympathy and attention from anyone who would give it to her! Then, during service, she had her feet on the chair in front of her, her purse in her lap, slouched to the point she was almost laying down, texting! MIL was sitting in front of me, an she looked back over her shoulder with a look that you could tell she wanted to tell SD15 something, but didn't want to cause a scene during the sermon! SD15 was sitting several seats away from me, so I couldn't have said anything either without causing a scene! DH was running sound this week. Her total look was "I don't want to be here!" I know DH could see her from where he was sitting.
This was after a morning of total attitude. She couldn't find the other of a pair of her shoes, so she was stomping all over the house...her fault because she never cleans her room. She comes out with a pair of shoes in her hand. I tell her she is not walking to my car through the yard barefoot...with all that crap sticking to her bare feet. She gives me this "WTH" look, and DH tells her to put her shoes on. She plops herself on the floor in a huff to put on her shoes.
Then, we get to Starbucks for our usual Sunday morning tea and a bite to eat, and SD15 makes it a point to sit as far from is as possible with her arms crossed and that look on her face
After church, things didn't get any better! My nephew's bday party was today, and SD15 busts out in this bikini...knowing that DH does not approve! She decides she is going to lay out in the sun, and when DH tells her to either swim or put on a coverup, she starts arguing with him, and stomps off into the ladies' room with her cousin! After she comes out, we leave. In the car, DH let's her have it about her attitude. Her response? "Well, just because YOU think I have an attitude doesn't mean I have one!" Really? Just said that? We stop at the store so I could get some ice cream (everyone at the party had some, and made me want some but I have to have non-dairy because of food allergies). DH continues to let SD15 have it, while I go ing the store. I come out...sd15 is still there with attitude, and everyone is silent the rest of the trip home.
We get home...sd15 heads straight to her room, right after she it told to take a shower. About 45 minutes later, DH calls her out and reminds her of what she was supposed to do. SD15 immediately start arguing about why she doesn't have to take a shower this early in the day! DH reasserts his request, and she stomps off to comply.
OC...you are right! There needs to be consequences! All this, and all she got was yelled at! Of course she is going to continue!
Sounds like that child needs
Sounds like that child needs a 'Come to Jesus' talk. Or Whoopin'
LOL...at one point yesterday
LOL...at one point yesterday in the car, DH pulls the "Do I need to bust your ass and remind you what respect is?" Luckily my really dark sunglasses were on, because I rolled my eyes at that one! SD15 has NEVER had a spanking...part of the problem if you ask me. My bios got their share of whoopin's...let me tell you. As a matter of fact, when DH was adopting my kids, we had to go through a visit with a case worker. When she asked about discipline of the kids, she had a total look of shock on her face when I indicated that spankings are used when warranted. I don't know if she was shocked that I spanked, or shocked that I admitted to her that I spanked!
BS19 will even tell you...he deserved every butt bustin' he got! He will also say it kept him from turning into a hoodlum!
She would pick the polish off
She would pick the polish off her fingers in church, and just drop it on the carpet, but she has picked at her feet in church before, too. Girl has no respect for church at all! To get attention, she will play the part sometimes..."I see an angel over in that corner!" or try to claim she has a word for someone. I dunno...she may really see the angel...God has used all kinds of people...thieves, adulterers, etc...so it isn't for me to say if she is faking, but sometimes it is just too obvious that she is acting so she can be the center of attention, if you know what I mean. Most of the time, though, she sits there totally irreverent!
DH works the sound for the church most Sundays, so he is in the booth. But you can bet, she starts acting like that, from now on I will text DH that he needs to call SD15 into the booth and make her sit by him if that is how she is going to be in church!
Yeah, I wonder the same thing
Yeah, I wonder the same thing about SD15...how is it she can be SOOOOOO tired or not feel good every fracking day! Of course, she does not eat right, so there is that possibility...but still! Her excuse for her attitude is ALWAYS that she is tired or doesn't feel well.
SD15 supposedly hurt her knee in guard like 6 months ago. She is always walking around with this knee brace....don't know where she got it. Seems when it benefits her, her knee hurts....yet, at other times she will be moving around on that knee like there isn't jack wrong with it! Nearly two weeks ago, she claims to have hurt her wrist in guard. Again, when it benefits her, it hurts so bad you can't even touch it. However, the rest of the time, she is acting like there isn't a thing wrong with it!
I agree, SD15 is well old enough to sit an pay attention in church, even if she is disinterested. It is so obvious that she doesn't want to be there, but DH forces the issue. If SD15 goes anywhere on the weekend, she needs to be home so she can go to church! Really? Please...let her miss church! I often feel her irreverence is her acting out that she doesn't want to be there but she is being forced to...no excuse, I know. If I could, I'd leave her at home. Problem is, we can't trust her alone for more than an hour. She simply doesn't follow rules...which, again, at her age she should know. No twirling her guard rifle in the house? Yeah...one day after she was home alone for about 2 hours while I had a school meeting and DH was stuck at work, we come home to find a tile in the coffee table broken, and SD15 trying to blame it on my cats! I'm like, really?
Why are you texting her when
Why are you texting her when you're both in the house?
Don't communicate with her that way. It puts you both on the same level and you are a stepparent. If she wants something, she will have to speak to you with respect and courtesy.
In response to the last comment, my SD15, does the same thing...headaches, stomach aches, back hurts. Funny that none of it ever hurts when her friends are over. Her mother caters to it, and she misses a lot of school when she's on her time with being "sick" and doctor's appointments. We don't cater to it and it drives her crazy.
I usually don't text her...I
I usually don't text her...I usually try to not talk to her at all any more. I seriously did not feel like walking to her end of the house to tell her the polish remover was in the TV room. I thought about just waiting until she came for it, but I knew if I didn't say something somehow, that the remover would disappear to her room, never to be seen again...so I made it a point to tell her in the text that she had to use it in the TV room.
I would NEVER have gotten her
I would NEVER have gotten her polish remover. You're reinforcing the behavior by having gotten it for her at all. Who cares what she does in church tomorrow. Not your kid. Not your problem.
Except that normally, she
Except that normally, she sits right next to me, and the entire time she is doing crap like that in church, she is bumping me and causing me distraction. Not to mention, in the eyes of others in the congregation, she IS my problem, so I get all the dirty "can't you make your child be respectful" looks. Being on the praise team and all, not a good thing to have a child others see as being your responsibility being a problem in church.
After the incident, and with certain attitudes since, DH has expressed to her that if she wants stuff like makeup, hair products, or even a car some time in the future, she needs to get off of her butt and start contributing around the house, as well as have a better attitude. We will see if anything changes...doubt it. After this discussion, I told him, "So this means I'm not letting her borrow anything again!" Think he understands. SD15 is trying to walk over everyone in this house, and he has about had enough of that...at least at times.
yes, i agree with you.
yes, i agree with you. society in general thinks that kids who are with adults are the responsibility of those adults (and to some degree they are right).
this is why i refuse to eat in a restaurant ever again with SD13 - because i dont want the general public to think im the one that allows her to eat with her hands and act like a pig at the table. in fact, at the pool this past weekend i made a point of telling one of the regulars there that SD and her friend were not my children because i didnt want her to think im the one that allowed them to dress like sluts.
A few things... So when my
A few things...
So when my SD15 slammed her door the first time, I took it off the hinges and burned it that evening in our fire pit. I told her that the only way she's getting a new door is if she buys it herself. DH said nothing. (The back story is full of drama and the details will cause you all to curl up in the fetal position for weeks so I'll spare you that.) She told BM about it and of course DH got a phone call seconds after that conversation. As expected, he took their side on the issue however, guess who has a backbone? Me...and she never got a new door. Didn't even allow her to hang a curtain. She was told that if any other door in the house was slammed, it would be burned as well...including the bathroom door so tread lightly skid.
On the church issue; I was forced to go to church when I was young and hated it. Born again today and looking back at my behavior, if I were Mom, I would have choked me! With that being said, is there a youth group she can get involved with? She can sit with them and pick at her toes all she wants. (Doubt she'd do that in front of peers though)
Bikini issue: If you don't want her to wear it, then don't buy it for her. If BM buys it and she brings it to your house, simply tell her it needs to go back to BM's house and if you see it again in your house, you'll donate it immediately.
Remember, people treat you the way you allow them to treat you. God gave you a backbone...use it. If it causes a riff between you and DH, that's ok...he's got the rest of his life to get over it. Don't relent any real estate in your heart or head to their whimpering or temper tantrums. Save it for the good stuff.
Unfortunately, our church is
Unfortunately, our church is very small...starting to grow, but small. So, there isn't a youth group. Most of the kids in the church are elementary school aged or younger. She used to be allowed to go "help" the ladies work with the kids, until it was reported back to DH that all she did was sit in there and text...didn't help with the kids at all (was just a way to get out of service). Like I said, I'm going to start texting DH in the middle of service and tell him to text her butt to get up and go into the sound booth if she behaves like that any longer. At least she can't be seen in there, and it becomes his problem instead of mine!
We definitely do not buy SD15 bikinis! They seem to magically appear in our house...gets them from friends, cousins, BM, shoplifts them (yes, I have suspected that she has shoplifted...BM doesn't have the money to buy her things every single time she is at BM's, but I do know BM lets SD15 go to the mall with friends unsupervised quite a bit). I like the idea of taking away inappropriate clothing and sending them to Goodwill or simply the trash, but DH doesn't agree. He just complains about the clothing, but doesn't feel the need to take the stuff away from her! I'm like, "And you expect her to comply with not wearing the stuff if you let her keep it?" Because she says that BM buys it for her, he doesn't think he has the right to take it away, because he says he would be upset if BM took things away from SD15 that he bought for her. OMG!
"Bikini issue: If you don't
"Bikini issue: If you don't want her to wear it, then don't buy it for her. If BM buys it and she brings it to your house, simply tell her it needs to go back to BM's house and if you see it again in your house, you'll donate it immediately."
i would totally do this but my fiance doesnt support the idea. the thinks they are fine simply because "all the other girls have them".
he is still in total denial about the possibility his daughter is having sex.
Have you disengaged yet? I
Have you disengaged yet? I did and it has worked wonders. I do not pick up after them, I only do things for them I feel comfortable doing, and I rarely speak with the teenager.
My mantra...these are not children, they will not be raised as though they were my children, and I cannot make up for the shortcomings of their mother.
You are fighting over a bottle of nail polish remover. What happens when it's something big and important? FWIW, I keep anything in our bedroom that I do not want her to have access to. Her goal is to piss you off. Do not let her have this power. If you laugh at her tantrums, it will only make her mad and let her know that you are not going to be pushed into a corner. She can't control herself, but you can.
I read your posts and you seem WAY over invested in all of this. Get a hobby, one that allows you to be out of the house for several hours at a time once or twice a week. That's what I did. I got over everyone else thinking they were my responsibility. I take on only what I want and leave the rest to DH. If he asks me to do something for the children, I always have the right to say no.
And if you haven't read "Stepmonster" yet, I highly recommend it.