Pregnant teenage SD. Please help!
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We just found out last night that my SD17 is pregnant. Although we have 50/50 custody, she's lived w/ her mom full time for over a year because she didn't want to follow our rules. My husband pays child support (not court ordered, just something they worked out between them). It's supposed to be until she's 18. If she doesn't graduate high school, then he has to pay support til she's 19 1/2. Does a baby change anything as far as support goes? If she doesn't graduate, then he'll have to keep paying, but we all know the money won't be going to SD17 and her baby. Has anybody ever been through this? We live in Michigan.
Generally when they have a
Generally when they have a child of their own that usually ends the CS. BUT it varies by state. Call a lawyer or daddykins will end up paying to support her and her child.
WTF??? If she DOESN'T finish
WTF??? If she DOESN'T finish HS he HAS to pay til shes 19.5???
But if she DOES graduate he can stop paying?
That is such BS!!! If she doesn't graduate he shouldn't have to pay a dime for her...period! She can/SHOULD then get off her ass and get a job like the rest of the world that has to take care of themselves and their offspring.
Thank you for telling us where you live, I will never be moving there!!!
That's how it is in Virginia
That's how it is in Virginia too. DH has to pay until SD is at least 18 & graduated, & if she doesn't graduate he has to keep paying till she's 19.
That blows my mind! Let's
That blows my mind! Let's keep on paying for kids that DON'T get their education and thus further enable them...WOW!!!
Looks like I will never be moving to Virginia either!!! LOL
The list is getting smaller....
Think that's bad? Up until a
Think that's bad? Up until a few months ago, in Indiana where I live CS was paid until the child turned 18 or, if they went to college, until they graduated college.
Depends on the state. In OUR
Depends on the state. In OUR wonderful state, even though my SD had her baby when she was 16 and living FT with BM, my DH STILL had to continue CS...even while they were collecting CS for HER baby too!
In fact, with the way the CO was worded, my DH is stuck paying CS for SD/SS until next spring. Which means he will FINALLY be done paying for SD (who has been living on her own since she turned 18 - BM gave her the boot even as she continues to collect money on her behalf) when she is ALMOST 20 and the baby is over FOUR YEARS OLD!
It's sickening.
SOME states with a little more common sense state that a minor is considered emancipated if they have a child of their own.
If she doesn't graduate high
If she doesn't graduate high school, then he has to pay support til she's 19 1/2.
What they are saying is, if the child is still in high school past the age of 18, CS must be paid until they graduate but not past the age of 19 1/2. If child either graduates before they are 18 or quits school, CS ends at 18.
In my opinion, CS should end if they quit school, period. That would be an incentive for CP to make sure they attend school. But then again, I do not agree with the states that let kids make up their own mind to quit school at 16. If they think they are adult enough to quit school, they can get a job and fully support themselves.
My SD got pregnant at 17 (almost 18). Not only did she quit school (not happy about that) but she got married, so CS was a done deal. She was 2 years behind in school, so we would have been paying until she was 20, had she stayed in high school (college was not a concern).
In a lot of states that I researched back when I was dealing with this, a minor having a baby is not enough to stop CS.
^^^THIS^^^ The point is for
^^^THIS^^^ The point is for the cp to keep receiving cs as long as the child is in school. Some don't graduate until they are 19. Fail one grade, and you're there.
I'm not sure I understand the sentiment that cs should stop just because the child gets pregnant. I get that it shouldn't go to bm if the pregnant child moves out, but I'm hearing it should be a punishment to the cp or child to lose cs?? Really? Because you are talking about someone's CHILD, not their SKID. Do you think when a teen gets pregnant her family should abandon her to "show her" how stupid she was to get pregnant? There is no more IMPORTANT time for a ncp to support (financially and otherwise) his/her child than when she is pregnant.
Let me explain a little more.
Let me explain a little more. SD lives w/ her mom because she knows her mom won't enforce any rules. BM lets SD stay the night at her boyfriend's house. What the hell - did she think they were playing Monopoly???? SD has over 100 absences from school, but BM doesn't do anything. My husband checks the school web site and notifies BM of all the absences, but she just ignores it. SD stays out til all hours of the night. The only reason we know this is because we saw it all on Facebook. (SD has since blocked us.) My husband told BM to look at SD's facebook, but again she ignores it. SD is 17. In Michigan, there is literally nothing we can do to enforce rules whatsoever. The law is not on our side. We feel that since BM allowed SD to behave this way (despite our beggin her to do something), we should not have to pay for their foolishness. My husband will of course keep paying CS until she's 18. We just don't want to have to support SD and her child. Get this - the baby daddy is 15. FIFTEEN!!!!
Holy cow! Your situation is
Holy cow! Your situation is EXACTLY what I'm afraid of with my SD! Within just days of moving in with us in September, my SD was begging her mom to move back because she wasn't getting her way here...not because my husband wouldn't give her her way, but because I put my foot down and refused to pay for the extras that my SD wanted (i.e., the expensive dance class) but didn't earn! That is one good thing...I control the money somewhat in our house. That, and the school would not bend their rules to make her a cheerleader. My SD is moving back to her mom's now that the semester is over, and BM is pushing very hard for it. I think part of it is that BM doesn't get any money if my SD is living with us, and part that my SD has her convinced that I'm just a "white trash step-mom" (BM's words). I no longer have ANY say about anything with regards to my SD, other than not allowing money to come out of the accounts.
BM lets my SD go hang out with boys at their house, and didn't even notice my SD slipping out of the house after 10 p.m. at night until one night my SD came home with a hole in her elbow from supposedly falling off of her bike! BM does nothing, and all my husband does is have talks with her. Kid has a boyfriend that my husband told her to break up with. When he found out she didn't, all he said was, "I thought I told you to break up with him." That was the end of the conversation. Me? I would have taken her phone away from her, her iPod that she uses to get on the internet with, etc. One of the things she was doing before her Facebook was taken away (which she now has another my husband doesn't know about) was talking to older boys telling them she was 15 when she was only 13! I see trouble in this area...big trouble...trouble that could very well end up being a situation like yours...one that could very well be prevented! Yes, it is possible that teenagers will do what they want to do regardless, but it is our job as parents to make it as difficult as possible for our kids to get into trouble. If BM allowed the behavior, I think that it should be her responsibility to deal with the consequences!
Doesn't your state have laws with regards to truancy? Here in Texas, if a kid misses too much school, the authorities can be contacted to investigate, and if it is not shown the minor had good reason to be out of school, charges can be brought up against the parents...it is a class C misdemeanor and parents can be fined up to $500!
Yes, we do have truancy laws,
Yes, we do have truancy laws, but it's for 16 and under. That's why I said there's literally nothing we can do. Here in Michigan (maybe everywhere??), you can legally drop out of school at 17.
About 20 years ago, a child
About 20 years ago, a child could drop themselves out of school if they were 17, as that was the age of majority back then. Surrounding states were having problems with that, because their age of majority was 18, and there was an issue if one of these 17-year-olds who moved out of their parents' homes and checked themselves out of school cross state lines. After some pressure, the age of majority was changed to 18. In Texas, you can only check yourself out of school or legally drop out if you are the age of majority...if the minor is under 18, the truancy laws still apply here, and the parents can get into trouble. It sucks that your laws only cover 16 and under.
The law actually did just
The law actually did just change to make the truancy laws cover 18 and under, but it doesn't count for my SD. See below.
"...a child who turned age 11 before December 1, 2009 or who entered grade 6 before 2009, the child's parent, guardian, or other person in this state having control and charge of the child shall send that child to a public school during the entire school year from the age of 6 to the child's sixteenth birthday. "
"... a child who turns age 11 on or after December 1, 2009 or a child who was age 11 before that date and enters grade 6 in 2009 or later, the child's parent, guardian, or other person in this state having control and charge of the child shall send the child to a public school during the entire school year from the age of 6 to the child's eighteenth birthday"
I would talk to an attorney
I would talk to an attorney and find out what options you have in your state. This is something that scares me right now. My SD is only 13 (will be 14 in a few months), but I'm afraid that at the rate she is going, she will end up pregnant and not finish school. She is already too boy crazy, sneaks around behind everyone's back, etc...and my husband and his ex does nothing! I'm afraid she will end up pregnant at 15 or 16, and then my husband's ex will either push for more child support because she will use the excuse that she now has to take care of her grand child, too, or dump my SD back off on us like she did in September when she "couldn't handle it any longer".
See if in your state your SD can be declared emancipated if she has her own child. In some states, this is the case, and once a child is emancipated, parents are not longer REQUIRED to support them.
I have not come across any
I have not come across any state that emancipates based on having a baby. The minor has to be able to fully support herself (or get married) for a court to even consider emancipation.
I doubt that my SD has any
I doubt that my SD has any dreams of having a kid, but her boy craziness has me concerned. I can easily see her falling for the games they play...I know our kids often think it has been so long since we were teens that we couldn't possibly know what we are talking about, but I remember all too well the games some teen-aged boys play! She is going to be a high school freshman next year, and I specifically remember when I was in high school a certain group of senior guys who had a bet going how many freshmen girls they could lay before the end of the school year! I already know my husband wouldn't even consider putting his daughter on birth control...he's of the stance of just telling her she shouldn't be having sex until she is married. I really hope she isn't sexually active yet, or any time soon...but...!!!
Last I knew, she WAS on the
Last I knew, she WAS on the pill. Her mom put her on it a few years ago.
Bottom line...the CS
Bottom line...the CS laws/guidelines are FUCKED UP!!!!
I'm pretty sure adoption is
I'm pretty sure adoption is not an option. We don't even know how far along she is. We haven't seen her or talked to her in over a month (except the txt last night saying she was pregnant). The father is a 15 year old child.
The father's parents may end
The father's parents may end up having to pay child support for the baby, since he (the father) is a minor.
I too don't understand why he
I too don't understand why he has to pay beyond 18 if she drops out.
Since its a improvised arrangement, no court order, he can stop paying anytime he wishes. The mother can sue for support but I doubt if a court would order anything past age 18. Personally I'd pay until her 18th birthday or as long as she's in high school whichever is longer.
Looks like the consequences were worse at Mommies in the long run.
The comment about the father of the 15 yo boy having to pay child support to this girl in lieu of his son paying is a interesting question. It would be a rare 15 yo who has any source of income so just who should pay if anyone? As a taxpayer it'll probably end up being me.
They do have a divorce
They do have a divorce agreement. When I said that he wasn't ordered to pay child support, I should've been more clear. His ex agreed to give him shared custody - but get this - she still wanted the same amount of child support. He told her no way that was happening. They went back and forth for a while, and finally he just told her he'd give her $400/mo so they didn't have to go to court. So in the paperwork filed w/ the court, it lists that he is to pay that amount, but the court didn't come up w/ the number. DH and his ex agreed upon the amount. Hope that makes sense.
I don't think anyone should have to pay CS on a 19 year old! Someone above explained it best - the CS is to cover the child until they graduate from school. If they graduate at 18, then CS stops. If they don't graduate and they have to keep going to school, the mother still gets CS while the "child" is attending school.
Orange County - I agree. We as taxpayers will be paying for it. What B.S. I'm sick of our government rewarding people for their stupidity.