She crossed the line!!!!

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SD13 really took things too far this time. On Thursday DH told her to see if she could spend the night at her friend's because he wasn't going to be home until late. I was going to pick family up from the airport so I wouldn't be there either, but he didn't mention that. Ok so she allegedly was staying at her friend's house for the night. Around 6PM I heard her come in the house, I peeked out my door and saw her friend was with her...they both had backpacks on. I'm thinking there is NO WAY these girls are staying here unsupervised! So I hear her whispering to my daughter and I hear my daughter yell "NO WAY! You can't do that and my mom is home!" So her friend goes, "What is your stepmom gonna tell on you or something??" Next thing you know she shuts my door!!! OH PLEASE! Then I hear all these footsteps and BOYS talking. I ripped my door open so fast it almost flew off the hinges! I yelled, "WHOA WHOA WHOA, what are all these boys doing in MY house???!!! You know we don't play that!" She looked at me with pleading eyes and goes, "I know..." then proceeds to shut her door!!!!!!!!! OH that does it, I know myself and I knew if I opened her door I was going to end up flipping out. I was shaking I was so angry. I called her dad and he told me to put her on the phone. I could hear him yelling from where I stood, he told her to get everyone out of the house NOW. She listened, then she took off with them. I haven't seen her since then, she has been staying with her friend HOWEVER I told her lovely father that since he has been shirking his responsibility as a parent, I am handling this! I am not going to let him brush this off. This is MY house, my 10 year old daughter should not have to feel uncomfortable in her own home. She really crossed the line this time. I am so angry with her, I am kind of scared of how I am going to react when I see her. I want her to know this is NOT ok and I am beyond mad. I guess what really burns me up is the fact that she knew I was home and still pulled this crap!!! What does she do when I'm not there??? Now I dont want this kid in my house unsupervised!

Oh and when I went into her

Oh and when I went into her room to make sure everyone had left, I noticed on her closet door there is a sticker that says, "Stay calm and Smoke Weed." 13 years old! Unbelievable. I plan on casually telling DH to look in her closet tonight.

Might I add there were 5

Might I add there were 5 BOYS!

Yup! This has to stop, she is

Yup! This has to stop, she is just taking this way too far. The funny thing is I have disengaged recently and I say, "Not my kid not my problem" but it is my problem now. She had like 5 boys in this house plus her 1 girlfriend! I couldn't believe my eyes.

Sounds like Miss Thang needs

Sounds like Miss Thang needs some Depo for Christmas!!

Yes, very seriously!! BD22

Yes, very seriously!! BD22 tried to sneak out with friends once when she was 16 (that was when she finally started her "stage"...she was an awesome kid up to that point). I was working the overnight shift from home, and SD14 was young then...had just gotten her ears pierced and they were bugging her. Since BD22 at the time had just recently gotten her second piercing, I knew she had some stuff in her bathroom (which was in her room, we have a "mother-in-law" floorplan). I went quietly into my daughter's room to get it in order not wake her, and when the hall light hit her bed, I saw she wasn't there! I was floored!!! Being the IT tech I am, I broke into her computer (at the time, had a tool that let me do that, because clients were always forgetting their passwords), checked her chat logs, figured out where she was, and we hauled her little butt home! My daughter had to live with no bedroom door for a month after that...told her she could change clothes in her bathroom or closet, which didn't have windows to hop out of! I also locked her out of her computer for a month by changing her password (she gave me a look when she finally got her computer privs back, and I told her the password to bet back in to it...urbusted!)

This is something you can't disengage from...it affects YOUR child! I am right there with you...if it were SD14, I would be jumping in too, at this point. What she does outside of this house is DH's problem...when she does it in my house, it becomes my problem!

And I seriously do not trust SD14 here alone either...I KNOW she would break the house rules! I mean, if she can't follow the rules of short showers, pick up after yourself, etc., I'm really supposed to believe that if she knows exactly when we are going to be home, she isn't going to have friends over or some boy? I'm supposed to believe that she will not smoke pot in my house? And yes...13!!! That is when SD14 first smoked...and I'm pretty sure she still does when she is over at BMs, because she has been caught sneaking out a few times on her visits there. She has also come home a couple of times and headed straight to her room overly perfumed. I hung around the punk rockers when I was in school...I didn't smoke, but several of them did, and I KNOW that was the famous cover-up. Boys kept a bottle of cologne in their car or locker, and girls kept a bottle in their purse or bag...to hide the smell.

Thankfully she lost her key

Thankfully she lost her key and we are not replacing it. I'm so done.

Oh and get this- DH just

Oh and get this- DH just informed me he's getting her an iPhone for Xmas!!!! I lost it, completely flipped out and told him I can't live like this. I can't live in a house where a 13 year old is rewarded for being out of control. I am at my wits end.

Oh HELL no!DH wanted to get

Oh HELL no!DH wanted to get SD14 an iPhone (well, wanted me to hand down my iPhone 4 to her when I got my 5). It is MY plan! I flat out told him, she is NOT getting a smart phone on MY plan! I'm not going to have a heart attack when I see the bill because she is going way over data plan or something like that. I also pointed out that she doesn't listen to him with regards to internet use on her tablet at home, and he wants to give her "everywhere" internet access? So she can talk to more boys she doesn't know while she is at school, etc? I don't thinks so!

I am telling you I am going

I am telling you I am going to go nuts if he actually gets her horrible ass an iphone!!! I can feel it in my bones! He is going to ruin my christmas. What kind of message is he sending to our 10 year old daughter???

Yeah, and iPhone is a really

Yeah, and iPhone is a really stupid move on your DH's part! With her history, what does he think she is going to do with an iPhone? At this point, all she needs is a basic talk and text phone, and even then, it should only be so she can communicate with the parents, and vice versa. If it were my kid, that phone would have been on lockdown a long time ago! It's just stupid and irresponsible to give her an iPhone at this point.

My advice to you, for the sake of your Christmas, just love on and enjoy your daughter. Find something for just the two of you...bake some cookies, snuggle up and watch some cheesy Lifetime Christmas movies...something to get your mind of the princess and her clueless father! I'm fortunate...SD14 has been at her cousin's. She came home last night just long enough to open gifts, because BM wants her tonight and through mid next week. She put on a good act about the color guard gear, but you could tell she was disappointed there wasn't anything fun and expensive under the tree for her. Oh well. I'm waiting for BM to do something stupid like get SD14 an iPhone and expect us to put it on our plan...I don't think so! If BM wants to give the brat an iPhone, she can pay for that plan. Will allow me to take the brat off of mine!

Well I went off on him again

Well I went off on him again this morning and he told me he did not end up buying the phone. BUT he is pretty much saying that I'm too harsh when it comes to his daughter and I don't have any patience....ummm I've been dealing with this fool for how long now and she is only getting worse?? I told him it was the last straw when she brought boys into MY house! I'm done with her. I want her to go back to her mom's house. The only plus is that she has been at her friend's house since Friday and she will probably only come home to open gifts then go back like a stray cat. Fine by me, I'm just done 100%. Christmas or not I do plan on giving her hell about bringing boys here. I haven't seen her since it happened and I am not Daddy, I am going to let her have it. She is not going to treat my house like a cheap motel. Not happening and I will gladly inform her if she doesn't like it, she can feel free to go right back to where she came from. UGH!!!!

Oh, I've heard the "too

Oh, I've heard the "too harsh" and "no patience" lines too many times! It will probably take something like what your SD did to make him realize I'm right about the girl, but even then, I wouldn't be holding my breath! These men are being played by their daughters! And what do they consider patience? Just sitting back and watching all hell break lose? If that's patience, I must have been a dictator to my kids! LOL There is a difference between patience and being a rug...just saying!

Yes! I have let so much stuff

Yes! I have let so much stuff go because I have disengaged...however when you decided to let boys walk into my house, you crossed the line! I told him if he is not going to parent her, she needs to move back in with her mom. Plain and simple. But his answer is to threaten that he is going to move out...I said ok, that's your choice just don't forget your daughter! She is not staying if you leave.

Really? That was his

Really? That was his response? Oooooo...if I were in your shoes, I would have started packing his crap up for him! Yup, and take your kid with you, because she isn't staying here! I love how they think we need them so much that we are willing to put up with crap just to keep them around! Yes, it would be difficult, but I've made do before, and I can do it again! UGH!!! I want to come over to your house and give this man a piece of my mind!

Please do because he acts

Please do because he acts like I am in the wrong here. That I am intolerant of his precious innocent daughter!!! I feel like I am going crazy. Honestly at this point, if he is not going to control his kid, then YES by all means he does need to take her and move out. I am sick of being angry all the time.

I don't get why these guys

I don't get why these guys are so overprotective of these girls! They aren't doing them any favors! Don't get me wrong...I love my husband dearly. We have had our issues, but what couple hasn't. When you have been together for nearly 14 years, and married for nearly 12 of those years, you are going to have rough spots, because people change as they get older based on their experiences, etc. That said, if my husband CHOSE to let his daughter run the house completely over any happiness of my own or respect for my home, he would have to leave! That is just the way it is, and it is nearly at that point! Thankfully, she does her crap outside of this house, and just brings the attitude home, but still. I seriously couldn't imaging having any younger children around my SD! DH sometimes says its a shame we didn't have a child together (my tubes were tied before we even met), but when I look at how SD14 acts? I am glad she can't influence or put any younger child in danger!

You have to think about you and your daughter. Bringing these guys in the house was a dangerous move! You don't know them from Adam! Now, I don't know what age they were, but if there were several of them, they could have easily taken you and your daughter if they were stronger guys. I saw my son at just age 15...I would not have been able to fend off a 15-year-old with his size and strength of at that time! The kid was a power lifter, and though he didn't look huge, he could bench press 200 lbs, squat 300, and clean 225! I only weight 120! Your husband should be concerned about your safety! Strange guys in your home, even teenagers, are not safe!

I never imagined things would

I never imagined things would turn out like this! I mean she has been living with us for about 3 months now and she has turned this house upside down. Me and DH are fighting at least once a week over her BS and his lack of parenting. I am so sick of the fighting and I am so sick of being angry. I am such a happy person normally but this situation is really taking a toll on me. I am disgusted with him because he is not taking control of his child. How can a 13 year old be allowed to do whatever she wants??? I just found a "Stay Calm Smoke Weed" sticker on her wall and do you know he has done NOTHING about it????? Well let me tell you, when she comes home to claim her christmas gifts she is going to hear it. I am done passively watching the BS. She cannot run wild in this house anymore. If he wont put his foot down, I will and things are going to get ugly. I can tell.

Am I being a total bitch by

Am I being a total bitch by saying she doesn't deserve an iPhone???? I think not! I said in the past 2 weeks she has snuck out, brought boys in the house and put up a "stay calm smoke weed" sticker in her room! Are you serious??? I don't even want to see her open that gift because I know I won't be able to keep my mouth shut. I'm picturing myself saying something like "wow look at that, you break all the rules and yet you get an iPhone! What a lucky girl!"

Good god the last thing a

Good god the last thing a horny 13 year-old needs is an iPhone! Just, NOOOOOOO

If he's stupid enough to get

If he's stupid enough to get her an iphone I would be sure it goes missing. She'll be sexting and snapchatting her bits to all the boys and preggers before 15.

Lol my evil side was actually

Lol my evil side was actually thinking a little water damage might be in order.

Why is this girl allowed to

Why is this girl allowed to just take off to her friend's house and avoid discipline for the incident for several days? Does the friend's parent know what happened?

It's crazy! She has still not

It's crazy! She has still not been home since that happened! Today is Christmas and she spent it at her friends! DH said he isn't going to force her to come home since she would be home alone since we both are working and it's school break. I think he's still pissed at me deep down for not letting him get her an iPhone! I don't care she doesn't deserve it.

Based on the original post,

Based on the original post, I'm thinking your SD is getting influenced by her little brat friend there if the friend won't respect you either. So, hey, if her friend is willing to shelter and feed her and for some odd reason your DH won't discipline his daughter, hey, less for you to deal with. I do not think you are an evil bitch for denying her an IPhone. Sounds like DH has some guilt issues with his kid and wanted to be the hero at Christmas. Well, his own kid screwed that up. And of course, you ruined his grand plan so you are the bad guy. Sorry, this is harsh but your DH needs to grow a set, drive to the friend's house, get his daughter's ass back home and put some rules in place. Taking door off is excellent idea by the way. Also I would let his little precious know that you will find out if she ever pulls that again and if she thinks she was embarrassed that day in front of the friend and those boys, that's nothing compared to what you will do if you catch them in your house again (I would corral all the kids, get some parents' numbers and make some calls esp if none of them drove. "Hey come get your kid from my house or I will call police and have them escorted home since they are trespassing in my house.")

Oh I can't wait to sit her

Oh I can't wait to sit her down...I've been overly nice to her and I think that is why she thought she could pull that crap, she probably figured I wouldn't say anything..think again! I plan on telling her this house is in MY name and I will not tolerate her disrespecting my house again. I don't care if her dad doesn't like it, someone has to put their foot down so I guess since he's too busy searching for his balls, I will be the man of the house.

I have no more to say than

I have no more to say than what has already been said. I feel for you!!!

Also, what is with parents these days? When I was growing up neither my parents, nor any of my friends parents, would let their child's friend sleep over without confirming with the other child's parents it was okay...WTF!!!

I know! It's crazy to me, her

I know! It's crazy to me, her friend's parents and DH do not communicate at all!!! NEVER! I am the total opposite. My daughter wanted to sleepover her best friend's from school, I made sure I went to her friend's house a few days before and her friend's mom and I sat and talked for a couple hours. I am not going to let my kid sleep here and there, and I am clueless as to who is living there...no way.