I would have to know more about your situation to tell you what I really think. But here's some things I would consider. What is your relationship with SD, What is SD's relationship with BM, is BM the type of mother that you think is open with her daughter about sexual activity and safe sex? Here's the experience part...My mother was very closed minded about sex. She had the attitude that to talk about safe sex was telling your child that it was ok to go out and have Sex. And Birth control was a no no because that was like a free ticket to have sex. My SM, had a similar situation when she overheard that I had become active. This is how she handled it (which was one of the very good things she did for me, she didn't turn evil til later :)lol) She came to me first. She told me what she had overheard, told me that she knew it was not her business, but she cared about me and wanted to make sure I had SOMEONE I could trust with this and above all, make sure I was being safe. She told me that if I wanted, she would talk to my dad, and let him know the situation and we could all talk about what precautions we needed to take here. Even though my mother disagreed completely, my dad and SM made the decision to get me on BC. I guess the bottom line is, if your child is sexually active the likeliness that they are goign to stop is very slim, so you need to think about protecting them, and teaching safe sex!!! And I think talking to me first was her way of confirming so my dad didn't feel like she was just causing problems.

If she is living in your house and she is 14 it most certainly is some of your business. I would get a pg test and give it to her dad. And tell him you may want to use this on your daughter since she is having and has had unprotected sex. I would let it be known if she is pg she goes to moms house to live so they understand that she cannot bring the child to your house for you to; support, raise, educate, babysit and at the same time you are taking care of 14 year old. If she isn't pg I would inform her dad that he better get her to the dr for some protection. I would stir that pot in a heartbeat.

Talk to your DH. You weren't eavesdropping if she was talking loud enough for you to hear one floor above her. Who knows? Maybe she was trying to subconsciously "scream" for help and not know it.

Anyway, this is one of the major topics that you can't ignore, regardless of how the information came to you. You need to tell DH what you heard. To NOT tell him is tantamount to lying by omission. Just tell him that you would feel like you weren't being honest with him if you didn't tell him this. Obviously you have no reason to conjur up this story, so DH would believe you. From that point on, it's between him and SD. If it helps, tell him you'll be there for him to talk with her if he wants.

Oh, if SD takes the "Why are you butting into my business" route, ask her, "If it was so secret, why were you talking so loud for me to hear?" (And I tell you what. If I had heard even part of that conversation, I would have positioned myself closer to the basement to make sure I heard it all.) Sometimes being a parent means we have to be vigilant in knowing our kids, especially our teenagers' activities.

Try not to get too panicky about the future right now. Take it a step at a time. Tell the Dad, get to the truth. You can make more decisions after that.

but you don't have to be "spending the night" to have sex. i can remember sneaking around even as an adult living in my parents' house and i managed to be sexually active without ever spending the night anywhere.

it seems like a the very least someone needs to talk to her about std's - even through oral sex. moral issues aside, you don't want to be paying for treatments/pregnancy/abortion because no one talked to her.

if she is already active, the most you can do now is damage control. good luck, i feel for you

i was more speaking in general. yes i would be concerned about a 14 yo being gone all night. i would still think that speaking to her and educating her on what the consequences are can only help her decide if she wants to keep doing whatever it is she has been doing - half asleep or not. i worked around teenaged girls at a part time job - they seem to have little to no self esteem, as a group, and would tell me about things they did sexually because they felt like it made more people like them. it was so sad to hear. being the bossy bigmouth that i am i tried to explain to them that that isn't the way to make people like you. maybe she just needs to hear that type of thing?

it must really suck for her to think that all the kids at school are talking about her. that probably makes whatever actually happened seem that much worse.

i'm going to jump back on my soapbox again - it is your house too. even if DH doesn't care where she is, i think you have a right to ask her where she is going and when she will be home and that there should be consequences for keeping up at night wondering what she is out there doing.

Talk to your husband about it or better still talk to your sd about it first incase you got it wrong aswell.

Mt SD is 15. She and I have had this talk on more than 1 occassion. I know some of her freinds are already "experimenting" but I do not beleive she is. On my last yearly visit to the lady dr, she gave me lost of info to pass along to step daughter about STD's and differant things. I do not know what conversations she has had with her mom bc she does not talk about her mom to me at all. I think she knows she can trust me enough to talk to me about anything. I told her that I am not stupid and if she makes the decision to do it, I want to make sure she is protected in every way possible. And I have already decided that if she did get pregnant, I would take the baby because I WOULD NOT want their crazy mom the screw up another child. I am 27 and it was not long ago that I was a crazy teenager. I think making this a big deal and getting on to her will make her do it that much more and could really turn into a disaster. I would certainly let DH know what you heard and like others have said, depending on your relationship with her, go to her and let her know what you think you heard. Talk to some of her friends mom's and see if they have told them anything. Kids are more likely to tell what their friends are doing than what they are doing. Good luck with this. Kids are trying to grow up way too fast these days.

If she is in your house yes it is your business and make her take the test cause thats a bigger problem then you two not getting along and as for DH no wonder she has the issuse at school. I would lay it out on the table and not budge an inch.

I wish I could sell her for what she thinks she is worth,
I'd be a millionare twice.

d

You are 100000000% correct! Need ppl like you on this board.

If you think she is pg then it is not just about her and her father anymore. Even if you don't get along with her and are scared this situation will make it worse you need to speak to her. You did over hear her whether you like it or not, and it is worrying you. She is in your home and that gives you the right to find out what is going on whether husband or SD likes it. Maybe she really needs some help with this and does not know were to turn. If she is pg that means there is another child to consider, and if she is not seeing a Dr. about it that could put the possible child and her life at risk. At least talk to her about it and see what she says. She may deny everything and just be mad about you overhearing her, but it may be the opening she needs to talk about it. I would not go at her accusing, but put it in the manner that you are concerned for her. I would also mention a few things about what can happen when pregnancys are ignored. Children this young like to pretend things aren't happening and if she is pg she may be trying to convince herself she is not. This is just my opinion I know the reality of the situation will be much harder to deal with, than just suggesting ways to deal with it. Good luck to you!