Tired of the "she doesn't know" excuse!
That is DH's excuse for everything SD14..."She doesn't know!" or "No one has ever taught her!" Really, that isn't true for about 99% of the things he uses this excuse for, as I've been in her life since she was 1, and she has been told or taught while at our house all the time!
Here is where this came up last night....
SD14 had the tub faucet running full blast AFTER she had already spent 20 minutes in the shower. When asked what she was doing, she said she was shaving her legs. Now, we went through this whole thing just the night before...she was running the tub faucet full blast AFTER her shower (and it had been running like that for some time after her LONG shower). I knocked on the door and asked what she was doing, and she said she was shaving her legs! I TOLD her to turn the water off, that she did not need to run the tub full blast to shave her legs, and that she should have shaved her legs in the shower...not spend another 20 minutes after her 30 minute shower! 10 minutes go by, and she still didn't turn off the water! I went to the bathroom again and demanded she turn off the water, which she told me okay with some attitude and finally did it.
So, we HAD this discussion just the night before, and SD14 was doing it again! You cannot give me the excuse that she didn't know...that is a cop out! She KNEW, but as usual, decides to do things her way to see how far she can push it (like when she had to be told about 20 times that she was not to take her tablet into the bathroom to play music while she showered, and that she needs to cut her showers to 20 minutes or less).
I'm tired of seeing the water bill continue to rise, and me continue to have to get on to DH about making SD14 live more conservatively. Don't get me wrong...I'm not an environmentalist here or anything, I don't like to have to spend money on waste! I'm more fugal than anything! I also understand the concepts of economy, and if we don't all do our part to only use what we need, prices will continue to be jacked up because "demand" from all the people who waste warrants it. I made DH explain this to SD14 last night...that just because maybe one can afford to leave all the lights in their house on or water their lawns until there is a river down the street doesn't mean they should, because the more people do that, the electric and water companies will raise rates...and though we may be able to cope with the raised rates, there is some poor single mom out there making $12/hour living paycheck to paycheck who cannot afford the higher rates, which WILL be imposed on EVERYONE! Now, the later, I can believe that SD14 "doesn't know"...because she didn't live in the same times as some of us grew up. I remember sitting in line with my parents for gas during the 80's gas crisis! My mom was one of these single moms barely getting buy after my parents divorced, and she still never collected welfare! I've watch the cost of living go up....$.89/gal gas when I first started driving...my first car cost $400 (try buying a running car for that price now)...etc.
But to say that SD14 doesn't know she is supposed to turn lights off when she leaves a room, that she is supposed to cut her showers to 20 minutes or less, that she is supposed to take out the trash, that she is supposed to rinse her own dishes and put them in the dishwasher, that she is supposed to pick up after herself...THAT IT TOTAL BULL! She has been told these things since she could walk!
Of course, last night, I also had to explain to SD14 AGAIN (for about the 5th time) that she shouldn't shave her legs every day or she will have yeti hair by the time she is 25! Yeah, we have had this discussion multiple times before, too...that the more you shave, the coarser the hair gets. But like everything else, she has to do it her way.
You know, I could care less if she takes my advice regarding shaving and stuff, but there are house rules about showers, leaving lights on, cleaning up after yourself, etc. Before last year when BD22 moved out on her own, there were 5 people living in this house, and you can't do that without some rules! There are still 4 people living here, and everyone deserves a hot shower! My son gets off of work at 10, and he likes to take a shower before bed...but if SD14 empties out the hot water heater at 10, he has to wait at least a hour to take a shower, and that is not fair to him...he just got through working 6 hours MANUAL labor, and deserves to take a shower before bed (and actually preferred by most of us...lol). Of the 4 people in this house, 3 of us work our buts off, so no one should be required to clean up after anyone else, hence the rule you clean up after yourself! I'm tired of her princess "I'll do whatever I want" attitude!
I have warned DH, though! After last night, and her total defiance the night before when I told her to turn off the water, I WILL start utilizing the water main shutoff in the utility room! If words don't get her attention, maybe the water suddenly turning off after 20 minutes will!
End your grief. Buy her a
End your grief. Buy her a cheap electric razor, stuff it in her stocking. Never buy regular disposable razors again. Make sure the electric razor is NOT one that can be used in the shower/water and make sure she is aware of it.
Now, if the dumb ass uses the elec razor in the shower and zaps herself she will have "learned". She will have also killed the razor and will have really hairy legs until she EARNS enough $$ to replace it.
Or I could be really cruel
Or I could be really cruel and get her an Epilady? She did say that the reason she shaves every day is because she likes it when her legs feel really smooth. I could just say it's the PAIN of beauty?
I have one. That thing is
I have one. That thing is torture. Been used on a 1" patch of skin/hair.
If you want it PM me your address and I will mail it to you.
Yup...that is what is going
Yup...that is what is going to start happening! I've warned DH! If he doesn't want his princess to end up standing there with soap in her hair, then he will start enforcing the rule himself! Otherwise, I have my ways of enforcing rules, and they can be very creative so that they are remembered!
Unfortunately, our water
Unfortunately, our water heater is behind a panel with about 50 screws in it, and the only way to get to it is from outside of the house. I would turn off just the hot water if I could, and let her get stuck in the ice cold water like she has done to many a member of this house many times (if you don't get in a shower just before her, you are doomed to cold water about 2 minutes in). The water main valve is right next to the dryer inside the house, and way, way easier to get to...doesn't require the use of ladders and power tools. Otherwise, we would have to set up the hot water turn off before she even got in the shower, it is such a pain to get to the water heater.
Can you just throw the
Can you just throw the breaker in the electric box before she gets into the shower on the water heater so no more water is being heated? Once it's gone, it's gone then turn flip the breaker once she's out. (Assuming of course you have an electric water heater like I do
)
Yeah...we have propane.
Yeah...we have propane.
I don't know was what ended
I don't know was what ended my first marriage. I got sick of I don't know as the answer to just about every question I asked my XW. When she finally answered "I don't know" to the question of "Do you want a divorce" it was the begining of the end.
Your Dh is facilitating his DD's stupid crap with his "She doesn't know" crap and is abdicating his responsibility to parent.
IMHO of course.
Oh yeah...because she hears
Oh yeah...because she hears him use that excuse from DH, she gets to the point where she tries to pull the "Oh, I didn't know" routine when I tell her something for yet another time. Like yesterday, I heard banging coming from her room. She was practicing twirling in her room again. She has been told at least twice not to twirl in the house in the last month (since I pretty much know that she broke the coffee table tile, but have no proof to back it up). When I knock on her door and ask her what the banging was (like I didn't know, but wanted to see what she would say), she said she was practicing her twirling routine in her room. I reminded her AGAIN that she isn't to be twirling in the house, and she responds, "Oh, I didn't know!" Really? DH uses that excuse because, well, to put it bluntly, BM is an idiot! She does really dumb things, so he plays it off that SD14 doesn't know much of anything because of that. Yet, for the last 13 years of her life, I've been around to counteract BM's dumbness, so I'm not buying that. Yeah, SD14 may have been able to do things her way at BM's, but she was ALWAYS reminded of the way things are done and what is expected in THIS house when she is here...so no, don't play dumb with me. My parents were divorced...I knew what the rules were at my mom's, and what they were at my dad's, and I followed accordingly based on who I was with...so it is NOT that confusing!
Last night was
Last night was interesting....
SD14 took a shower within the 20 minutes, which was shocking. Some point later, DH got a call from BM. She was apparently asking if he could bring SD14 earlier, because she wanted to go to the choir performance at the high school where all of her old friends are at now...more importantly, to see one particular guy that she was supposedly caught making out with this past weekend at her other cousin's house (her boy cousin on BM's side). DH isn't happy at all about the make out session, as I could hear him at the other end of the house raising his voice, and SD14 yelling back at him. I couldn't tell exactly what was being said over the TV in the TV room (and decided I was staying out of it), but considering that the last thing DH was talking about when he left the TV room to go to SD14's room, I could only imagine it was about her making out with some boy! Bad thing is, we have heard from a reliable source that she has been see in questionable situations with another guy at school, we have witnessed her flirting with all kinds of older guys at football games, and then there is also NYC boy she skypes with. Sad thing is, because BM asked, DH is still going to try to get SD14 to her house earlier on Friday. I KNOW that they are just going to drop her off at the event, meaning SD14 will be there unsupervised, and probably has it arranged to "someone to bring her home when it's done." Yeah, wonder who that will be...
> Of course, last night, I
> Of course, last night, I also had to explain to SD14 AGAIN (for about the 5th time) that she shouldn't shave her legs every day or she will have yeti hair by the time she is 25! Yeah, we have had this discussion multiple times before, too...that the more you shave, the coarser the hair gets. But like everything else, she has to do it her way.
This is untrue.
Oh, I'm certain it already is
Oh, I'm certain it already is worse!
Every night this week, SD14 has had one excuse or another why she couldn't come home after school, an DH blindly believes her, even with her history! Yesterday, SD14 texts DH that she is spending the night with one of her friends. DH does nothing to check on where they will be, what they will be doing, etc. DH tries to call SD14 around 7 pm, and she doesn't answer...she doesn't get around to calling him back for 2 hours, and uses the excuse that she was still in winter guard practice when he called. This is bull, because practice ended at 6 pm, and I'm sure it didn't go that over, because papers have gone home saying exactly when practice is...and that would be a lot of mad parents. Also, keep in mind this girl lives on her phone! You can't tell me that she didn't notice for 2 hours that DH tried to call.
I'm not 100% sure what is going on, but I seriously believe she is hiding something. The attitude has turned up about 10 knotches since this strangeness has been going on, and her attitude has a history of getting worse when she is doing things she isn't supposed to be doing. She has also been way more defensive about everything, another thing she does when she's hiding stuff. I don't know if she's hooking up with a guy or doing pot again, but I'm pretty sure it is one of the two...grades dropping, more tardies, and more excuses!
Can you turn on the washer
Can you turn on the washer machine or flush the toilet to interrupt the hot water?
Ha...couldn't help but open
Ha...couldn't help but open my mouth today!
SD14 was asking today when DH was going to start teaching her how to drive! DH said, "Soon." I immediately looked at him like he was crazy, and pointed out that neither of the other two got their license until the were 18, or ver close to18. DH tried to say that it was because neither were that interested, and I had to remind DH that it was more about maturity! I didn't feel either of them ready enough to drive alone at 16 or 17! I then went on to say (right in front of SD14) that SD14 didn't even need to think about driving until she could consistently follow rules and stop blowing them off and doing things however she wants! If SD14 cannot do things within the rules when we are around, how can we trust that she will follow rules when we aren't around?! She is told no music while she takes a shower, she still does it. She is told to only take 20 min showers, she still takes an hour. She is told to quit talking to that guy in NYC, she continues to. Clean up after herself, she doesn't. The list goes on and on!!! If she can't follow these simple rules, are we to believe she won't text while driving? That she will obey all traffic laws and rules? No! I didn't even go into the lying!
Hopefully, I've given DH something to think about! I know why he is in such a big hurry to get her driving...he's already tired of playing taxi, and he has only been doing it a few months! I did it with my kids for much longer! And as much as I got tired of it at times, I was NOT going to put them behind the wheel of a car until they were truly ready! DH needs to realize, it isn't just SD14's life he puts at risk by putting SD14 behind the wheel too soon. There are other innocent people on the road that don't deserve to be hurt because of his lack of parenting! This is one thing I will stand firm on for that very reason!
Oh...I'm letting DH deal
Oh...I'm letting DH deal with, or should I say NOT deal with, the "boy" situation! I'm pretty sure she has multiple guys strung along. SD14 is just that type of girl...VERY flirty, nor guys phone numbers in her phone than girls, always dressing to show her "assets" (DH has made his objection known many times with reguards to SD14 wearing scoop neck shirts because she is well endowed, and she still wears whatever shows her cleavage). She ends up knocked up, he gets to deal with it! He refuses to have her put on birth control, believing that "she is too smart to be having sex!" She wasn't too smart to have alcohol at school at 13, which is the same age she started smoking pot! She supposedly doesn't do that anymore, but I'm not completely convinced.
As I said, though, I refuse to allow DH put that girl behind the wheel of a car unless she does a complete 180, and it is genuine! You gamble with other people's lives if you allow a teen who is not responsible and has an "I'll do whatever I want" attitude behind the wheel of a car! I will stand firm on this, as it is also my own life on the line if I don't! I mean, I could potentially be driving in the other direction as she is texting and driving and crosses over into oncoming traffic! No thank you! I've already to DH I refuse to teach SD14 to drive...she has not given me any reason to trust her. I taught my kids, and it is hard enough when you are sitting in the passengers seat next to a teen who actually respects you and will listen to you! I'm not getting in a car with a teen who does not respect me behind the wheel! DH also needs to figure out what she is learning in if he pushes this, because it will not be my vehicle!
No way on earth is she ready
No way on earth is she ready to drive. My SD13 couldn't follow simple rules regarding her cell phone so now the phone belongs to SS11 and she is not allowed to have one until WE say she's ready.
Thank you
Thank you
I would if she had an
I would if she had an allowance! No...she doesn't do jack around the house! Doesn't even clean up after herself! DH still basically buys her whatever she wants most of the time, and then gripes at me when I say we only have $X to get through the next week! I have seriously considered getting another bank account and pulling money out of the main account...if the card is rejected, maybe he will get a clue! Like today...her lunch cost more than anyone else's, because she just had to have a milkshake, and DH let her have one. She downed the shake before we got our food, and took 2 bites out of her $9 worth of food, didn't put it in a to go box, just threw it away! Basically came out to her having a $15 meal to the rest if our $9 meals! But unless I want to cause a scene in a place, that is what happens every time, which is why we hardly ever eat out any more! We normally eat at home after church, but today the main road home had a huge wreck on it, and I already had a headache because church let out late.
Oh, and we don't even want to get me started about her sitting there in church with her headphones in dying the worship part of service! DH was running sound, and I was on the praise team today, so she just did whatever she wanted during service! If she is going to be that irreverent, the least she can do is go sit in the foyer!
Or have her watch a video of
Or have her watch a video of a live birth from start to finish. }:)
So, SD14 had a program
So, SD14 had a program tonight that of course she didn't tell us about until the last minute. I didn't go. I had to go get a mobile access point because our internet is turned off indefinitely until the authorities tell our provider he can turn the service back on...long story! Since I work from home, I needed some form of internet. SD14 has been going nuts without internet, because I refuse to allow DH to get her a smartphone. If she can't stay within shower limits, I can't expect her to stay within data limits, which are much more expensive!
When DH and SD14 come home from the program, my son's friend is over. SD14 goes to take a shower, and then comes out wearing shorts that her butt hangs out of and a shirt that shows her bare mod-drift...no bra by the way. DH says NOTHING about this being inappropriate! Any other night, she is in pajama pants and a sweatshirt, but tonight when there is a guy at the house she is not related to, she comes out barely dressed? And DH says nothing? Now, I've known this kid for a really l long time. He is no where interested in SD14!
Then, she comes out and tries to take my kitchen scissors to her room. I tell her she can cut out in the kitchen, but she is not taking them to her room, because she doesn't bring them back. She claims she hadn't even used them...that is why I had to go l looking for them in her room when I needed to cut something open while making dinner. She just copped an attitude and stomped off to her room. DH followed, and I'm sure I'm going to hear about how I wouldn't let her take the scissors, that she has a project, etc. Especially since she was asking me earlier for wrapping paper and didn't like that I told her to reuse one of the 3 gift bags she already has in her room that there is no reason to keep...I reuse my gift bags all the time. There is no reason she can't work on her project in the kitchen other than she doesn't want to! My son isn't even allowed to take the scissors to his room for the same reason...he often forgets to bring them back when he is done and I have to go hunting for them. The difference is, he doesn't throw a fit at me like SD14 does. He just acknowledges that I'm right about him forgetting, and does what he needs to in the kitchen.
Yeah, I'm probably in trouble, but I'm tired of the crap! I'm tired of having to go dig in her room for my own stuff, and tired of her not thinking in a more conservative way. No, no need to reuse anything! She has to have everything new and I'm supposed to jump because she wants to something right that second? I don't think so! I can promise you if I asked her for something, that I would have to ask her at least 5 times, and she still wouldn't do it, even if it is something like her picking up her own crap! How dare I ask her to do anything, but she expects me to jump the second she asks for anything!