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Video Chats?

02Kay06Kay12's picture

Submitted by 02Kay06Kay12 on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 7:55pm

Okay, I am new here! Smile
I really need some advise about something that has been bugging the crap out of me. :?

We have full custody of SD7, sole legal and physical. Her mother tried to kidnap her last summer, so until the court date in october, bm doesn't get any visitation, and there is nothing in the court order about phone communication. BM lives out of state so she chooses to webcam with SD. Of course this happens on almost a daily basis anymore (she has to keep up apperances :sick: ). This has been really bugging me as I find it very disruptive to my household.

We have a two bedroom apartment with one computer, the computer is in our living room. BM and SO had an agreement that BM would call everyday at 8:00pm and speak with SD until 8:30pm Sad . That has now turned into almost everyday she calls at 9pm and we are lucky to get SD off the computer by 10pm (bedtime). The problem is that she gets pissy if anyone is making any noise, (t.v, cat, BS 5 months crying). I can't go anywhere in my apartment without walking in front of this damn webcam :O . It was more disruptive during the school year because BM would have SD up past bedtime every night.

I also want to mention that I would feel differently about this if it was SD wanting to call her mom. SD almost acts put off that her mom calls so often, SD never asks to call her. I just feel that my SO needs to put his foot down and limit these video chats to a few times a week. Once during the week and once on Saturday seems reasonable to me.

What would you guys do if you were in this position??

Comments

ownedbypedro's picture

Submitted by ownedbypedro on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 8:36pm

It's just wrong for this to be disrupting your home and your life the way it is. DAMN. I agree with your idea - twice a week and wrap it up well before sd's bedtime. YOUR house, YOUR rules. You are not court ordered to comply with this bullshit.

ownedbypedro's picture

Submitted by ownedbypedro on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 8:37pm

It's just wrong for this to be disrupting your home and your life the way it is. DAMN. I agree with your idea - twice a week and wrap it up well before sd's bedtime. YOUR house, YOUR rules. You are not court ordered to comply with this bullshit.

stepmomto3bioto1's picture

Submitted by stepmomto3bioto1 on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 11:15pm

Hmm, heres a possible idea. Email BM (for ppr trail) & tell her in a sort of business like way, that her telephonic parenting time is at 8pm sharp. Limit video chats to 2 times a week. The remainder of the week they can do normal phone talk, but again-- on time only. On the days of the video chats- if she calls after 805pm- then it automatically turns to phone call only. That should make her wanna be on time hopefully. Tell her that you no longer are able to allow either ways past 830 pm!! If she calls at 815--she now only has 15 mins left of her time, thats it.

Dont allow this woman to interfere in your household!!!! I hope you find something that works!!!

frustrated-mom's picture

Submitted by frustrated-mom on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 11:19pm

I would be cheering you on to tell BM that she can only contact between certain time 1-2 days a week and to pull the plug on the computer when the time is up.

It’s your home and that certainly is reasonable. However, I would caution you if you are not dealing with normal, sane or rational people.

SD15 used the fact that we limited her phone time and internet contact with her maternal relatives (BM has had no contact in almost 10 years) against DH as a way to show her relatives how mean and terrible her dad was, as proof he hated her BM and as a reason she hated him.

So be careful how you do this and make sure it can’t be used against you. No matter if your SD says she would like to reduce the amount of time her BM talks to her, it might bite you in the butt later on. It something that can easily get spun to cast you in a very negative light and make you look like your PASing.

NCMilGal's picture

Submitted by NCMilGal on Fri, 06/29/2012 - 5:26am

I agree with the posters who say pull the plug on the computer at 8:30.

We had to take SD16's phone away last night because BM was being an utter snatch.

First it was, "Do you have Facetime on your phone? Your brother wants to video chat with you." Fair enough, except SD16 has told BM three times that her older 1st-gen iPhone does NOT have Facetime. Then it was, "YOU need to get a copy of your report card and your schedule for next school year." because BM lost the report card and is too lazy to do anything school related.

Did I mention that SD16 is here, 1000 miles away, and the school system isn't even aware that DH exists? I doubt there is anything DH or SD16 can do - she's a minor, and he's just her father.

Text after text after text, after 9pm. We finally had her tell BM that DH was taking her phone away because it was after the household bedtime.