Suggestions
Here is what I KNOW DH wants from custody:
He wants to be primary
He wants SD to go to our schools
He wants New Years Day with SD
He wants Father's Day weekend with SD
He wants SOME/ MOST weekends with SD
He wants to be fair
He wants SD to have SOME time with BM and GBM
Here's what I know BM wants from custody:
DH becomes human ATM and gives her all his money.
DH babysits SD as BM needs and otherwise stays out of her life
OR
DH leaves me for BM and has her adopt our children
Suggestions on what would be a fair arrangement? I've been looking online at different calendars and so far it seems 70/30 would be a good split, but I don't want us to get laughed out of court.
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BM is loony toons and gave up
BM is loony toons and gave up guardianship of SD to her mother. She has done multiple stints in the mental institute in the past year (last count was 10). She
BM is known to have anger issues with SD.
DH has decided to go for custody now because: A| We are stable for the foreseeable future; B| We got a paternity test done and SD is his. C| We saw BM lift SD up by her arm and slap her 5-6 times on the sides, back, legs, and butt.
Right now, GBM has guardianship. There is NO court order.
He needs to figure out what
He needs to figure out what he thinks is best about birthdays. If SDs birthday falls on his custodial day, bm/gbm get a few hours to spend with her (ie. take her out to dinner) and the same goes for dh. Many split parents alternate birthdays. Dad gets sd for her birthday one year and the next year bm gets her. He needs to think about what he wants to ask for when it comes to birthdays.
He needs to look into right of first refusal (rofr). If bm can't watch sd she would have to ask him before she asked anyone else. Same goes for him. If he can't watch sd he needs to ask bm first.
He needs to research cs. Because god forbid, if bm gets primary, he will be paying it. Best to prepare for the worst.
being the BM in your case has
being the BM in your case has a history of being in and out of the mental hospital I'd take that into serious consideration. How much time as to visitation is this woman stable enough to be given responsibility for? Supervised visits may be something DH should consider, even if it is the Gma who is required to supervise the BM times.
Did this BM waive her paternal rights and give custody/guardianship to the county who awarded then to Gma? Or was SD temporarily given guardianship with mother's parental rights intact? I'm a bit confused as to what rights this BM currently has.
In all honesty, I wouldn't
In all honesty, I wouldn't trust BM alone with SD for 5 minutes.
SD cried when GBM left her with BM long enough to pick up a darn pizza last weekend. They were in the car. SD was screaming and banging on the window saying "NO. GO wit NANA! NO STAY wit MAMAAAAA! Go wit DADDY Go wit Mommom (Her latest name for me)! No Stay wit Mama!
Makes you wonder what goes on when no one else is around...
BM voluntarily gave up
BM voluntarily gave up limited guardianship to her mother. She has to petition the courts to get it back. She is still the custodial parent, however GBM is legally caring for the child. BM has to complete therapy before she is allowed to petition for guardianship to be returned to her.
DH wants to give BM a supervised overnight the night before SD's birthday, ending at some point in the afternoon (2-4).
We live 50 miles apart, so RoFR would be awkward.
According to the lawyer DH spoke to this afternoon, we have a slam dunk case.
That's good that the lawyer
That's good that the lawyer says that
I feel sorry for this little girl regarding her bm. She's lucky to have you in her life!