An obsession?
I was reading a post here about SD always sending messages to DH. I'm glad I'm not alone in this situation because I need advices ASAP.
A few months ago BM gave SD12 a phone, since then hell turns worst lol. SD is always sending messages to DH since she wakes up, she sends thousands of messages a day is absurd the amount of messages she sends, if DH doesn't answer she calls and calls and calls. When she is with us is the same situation with BM.
Another behavior I've been noticing is she is always saying I love you in every single messages or in every single call, if she is here she ask something to DH and is "Ok I love you" and she sends kisses to him with her hand ALL DAY LONGER, same situation with BM.
DH sees this situation normal, and from my point of view they create this behavior on her.
If you are wondering if I talked with my husband about this, yes I tried. Once my husband invited some friends over, we were having a good time and SD called, DH said I call you later (this was at 10 pm), 2 hours later BM was sending messages to DH that SD was really sad because he said call you later and he didn't do it, WHAAAAATT?!! I talked to my husband about this, I told him our friends were at home, we are busy, you two need to tell SD this behavior is not normal, you are not going to stop doing what you are doing just to call and message this girl because she wants to...... he told "SD can call whenever she wants because she is my daughter" and he got really mad.
This situation is driving me CRAZY.
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I feel your pain. My SD is 31
I feel your pain. My SD is 31, a mother herself, and admits to and laughs about contacting DH all day every day. It's like she needs total enmeshment to be happy and even then it's never enough. My SD went so far as altering her degree in university so as not to be away from DH ever and she altered her career plans just to work for the same organization that DH and I do just so she can be on the internal communicator with DH all day every day. She has absolutely no internal self. Even though my DH now sees it, he does nothing about it.
Ugh, these guilty dads
Sure, my bio is my bio and can call whenever...but ALSO it's my job as his parent to teach him good boundaries around technology. He doesn't get unlimited access to the internet and any site he wants. We set boundaries around time and we talk about appropriate ways to message his dad on text from the iPad. It's the same with phone calls--sometimes a person is busy and can't answer and will have to catch up with you later. You can't expect anyone--even parents--to drop everything because you feel like a heart emoji exchange. An emergency, yes. But it sounds like perhaps she either doesn't have a good sense of boundaries around electronics and/or she is insecure in general or has a hyper rejection sensitivity. I think my own kid has this, too, but I also reassure him but continue to have normal boundaries.
But also...you don't have to fix this and likely can't. It's good that he didn't ditch your company to go talk to her, but also, if he refuses to see it as a problem, there's nothing you can do. I think it's good that you voiced it (personally), but if he's going to ostrich this stuff, that's on him.
You are totally right there
You are totally right there is no limits in this girl about her time on the phone. I even think she is missing her childhood because the only thing she does is texting or calling all day longer, I also think they have to teach her to respect people's time, is out of control. And yes I don't think I can do something about it.
The post was by me and I didn
The post was by me and I didn't realize my DH had a second wife and younger daughter!
Seriously your line "SD can call whenever she wants because she is my daughter" is word for word what DH said to me once! And in the past he has taken her calls when we were out to dinner with another couple ( he literally got up mid meal to go and talk to her), while we've had friends over, and when just he and I were having a romantic dinner! A few times when we were away on a weekend getaway he would leave me at the table so he could talk to her "somewhere a little quiet" because god forbid she knew we were away!
She also texts her mom a lot but her mom sets boundaries- she won't pick up if she's busy for example.
As for the "I love yous" - SD also says it wayyy too much! She will literally say "I'm going to take a shower now. Love you" to him, she has to say it at least 4 times when ending their nightly calls.
I post because of stories like Evil4, I want to put a stop to all of this and don't know how. SD is 16 1/2 and will be a senior next year. If your SDis only 12 you have a long wrong ahead of you!
Lol I know!!! Thank God I
Lol I know!!! Thank God I found your post....
When we are away or even if we are at a restaurant o at a friend house he does the same exact thing as your DH he leave where is no noise to talk to her, or even if she knows he answer her call in the middle of the dinner movie whatever... is insane.
I don't know what to think about this even with the I love you situation, I wrongly thought "maybe this situation will be over if this girl get a boyfriend" this will never end *cries* lol
when she doesn't call or when she doesn't send a text that much because she is really busy, does your DH call her worried? You think DH or BM created this situation because they feel guilty in some way? Does your SD is only child?. For me is really hard to believe this situation...
YES YES AND YES!!! He has
YES YES AND YES!!! He has called her when she doesn't call at 9 PM on the dot in the past. Or if he thinks she should be done somewhere but isn't back home yet. It's eased off a little bit in the last year but not anywhere like it should be. The one time he called her on a Friday night she was at a friends house having a sleepover party I did speak up then and said "leave her alone". But of course he didn't listen. The most recent example was just a couple months ago when she went to a girls party literally across the road into another neighborhood (1 to 2 minutes away from here) and the party was supposed to end at 8 PM. When she wasn't back here by 8:30 he freaking texted her.
I do 100% put this on BM and DH. I mean little kids learn from their parents. I know DH was the first one to start sending the sickly sweet emoji's because he and I send them back-and-forth since almost the day I met him. And I know he is the one that is constantly telling her to tell him whenever she goes anywhere gets there AND comes back. If it was the day she's with us I can see that but he makes her do it even on the day she's with her mother. That's what drives me the most crazy.
I know why he does it. I know guilt is a huge part of it but I also think it's his way of trying to feel like he's still a part of his daughters life every day. But there's a difference between being a part of your daughters life every day and being a part of your daughters life EVERY SINGLE MINUTE of the day! ( oh that's a good line! I may have to remember this and say this to him someday soon )
And yes she is their only child! God how I wish he had had a boy!!!
Oh if only these clingy cling
Oh if only these clingy cling-ons get BFs when their peers do. My SD31 didn't get her first BF until she was 24. Even then it lasted only a year. Then she was single for a few years until she met her current old fart who is almost my age. He's 20 years older than SD. Even when SD has a BF, she is contantly contacting DH. SS told me that she's every bit as enmeshed and clingy with BM.
So, don't make the mistake of hoping for a BF to get your SD out of the house and not up her dad's ass so much. They already have BFs: their dads.
Eww I know, but for me is
Eww I know, but for me is really weird because her behavior is with her mother too, sometimes I think she do this because she wants to control her parents life. I don't think this girl will have a boyfriend ever (if she does someday, God bless that poor man), she is SO immature...
Ace
The only way this stops, or at the very least happens less, is when big daddy says so. So good luck on that.
I feel your pain girl. We would be in the middle of nooky and he would stop to answer her call or text. Now he is my ex, it was bad.
She may be his DD and hell yea she can call anytime go for it BUT he does not have to answer. That is where the problem lies.
That nonsense just has to
That nonsense just has to stop. No two ways about it. Your DH needs to sit down with her and tell her that phones are not meant to connect people 24 hours a day. They should be used in emergencies or for specific issues of importance. That type of behaviour is ridiculous. When I started dating my DH, (WAAAY before mobile phones and texts were commonplace) his daughter (17) would call him EVERY time he was over at my place. She would start to wine and ask him what time he was coming home, and then tell him how much she missed him and that she was lonely. (She had a boyfriend at the time but...?) I finally had enough of it and I told my FH that he needed to go home to be with his daughter (indefinitely), because it sounded as though she needed him more than me. He stormed off on me that evening, but called a few days later telling me that he had a talk with her, and they now had some ground rules.
I can't believe it, I don't
I can't believe it, I don't understand why skids do that and parents don't stop them. In my case they see this situation like aww this girl love us so much and she cares so much about us, so this won't be over I suppose.
I personally think she does
I personally think she does it because she is clingy and needy but also I think there's an essence of jealousy there. She knows he and I are together 24 seven so why not try to keep calling and texting to interrupt us.
All I know is I'm keeping my mouth shut for the rest of the school year but the minute summer hits I'm really going to start saying some thing knowing it's her last year of high school and then she'll be going off to college and basically becoming a young adult will help me talk to him. Whether he listens to me or not ... time will tell.
God you have no idea how
God you have no idea how badly I wish I was personally friends with some of you women on this site and that you lived near me and that we could take turns going to each other's houses and having "innocent" conversations in front of our DH's. I would have you come over here Ace492 so you could talk about how your husband and stepdaughter are doing all this texting, calling, emoji's, I love yous etc. constantly and how wrong it is in front of my DH. And then I would go over to your house and do the same thing in front of your DH. Trust me if my DH ever heard from another parent how wrong what he's doing is he would immediately put a stop to it. But if I say anything? Oh there would be hell to pay!
It feels SO GOOD to have
It feels SO GOOD to have someone who understands you, I know is a horrible situation but I'm glad someone is having a hard time like me and I can talk about it, of course I DO NOT wish anyone to be in hell like me but unfortunately we are.
GIRL I KNOWWW!!!! but believe me I've been doing things like that in front of my DH and he refuses to believe he is wrong, even her own mother has told him and he prefers to get mad with his mom, stop talking to her or visiting her for a while before to accept he is wrong, he is blind and he will.
It's funny that you say that
It's funny that you say that because my late friend was all ready to set-up an act, but unfortunately she passed. If we all lived near one another, I would sooooooooooooooooooooo be in on setting up an act.
I have a male friend who was willing to set up an act as if he were talking to me as a man whose woman is about to leave him due to enmshement, but DH knows the guy and the guy has a son and not a daughter. I really think it would require someone with a dd rather than a ds to be able to make it effective.
There's also the posting of pics to FB. The next time I catch SD's hand resting on DH's upper thigh for 20 minutes in a restaurant, those pics are going on FB. DH's side of the family already knows what SD is like, but they don't say anything. However, such pics to FB for all of them to see and they would not be able to hold back. DH has two nieces who blame SD for causing them to lose their uncle, so they both told me they are just waiting for any opportunity whatsoever to blow their stacks and out SD for who and what she really is. They think SD's BF would go nuts over such pics too, so I'm actually hoping for a photo op. LOL
Gawd. Yeah my SO's daughter
Gawd. Yeah my SO's daughter would also accidentally call him by mistake in addition to all the 10,000 times a day she actually meant to call him. My SO, who had guilty daddy syndrome ate it up. His motto was "no boundaries".
Apparently this is a common
Apparently this is a common thing in skids hell.... can't believe it, problems with this people never ends.
My SD12 was like this for the
My SD12 was like this for the first couple months after getting a phone. Hopefully it tapers off. I normally don't suggest steering kids towards social media or games but SD stopped the constant emoji laden pointless texts after she discovered tiktok, snapchat and games. Perhaps you could ask her what games she's playing and aim her towards some...
When she has no phone she
When she has no phone she used to call like 3-4 time a day from her mom's phone. It's been almost a year since she got a phone, she plays at her phone or watch videos but literally she prefers to control her parents ask them 1000 times a day what are the doing etc instead of being a child and play outside, in her room or whatever.
She needs some friends *unknw
She needs some friends *unknw*
Grudgingsm
Made a comment above about how parents can't drop everything for a heart emoji. That cracked me up and reminded me of the time last year when DH and I were driving back from a romantic weekend in the middle of Sunday afternoon and SD decided to send him a red heart emoji. Since we were in the car and I was right next time I couldn't help but see it and believe me my face said it all. I had such a look of confusion/disgust and couldn't hold back. I just said "why is she sending you a heart in the middle of the day for no reason?"
He said "I have no idea." All I know is the face that I made let him know how I felt and believe me he didn't text back. But I know 1000% that if I hadn't been next to him when she had done that he would've texted her one back!
And the only other time I really said anything about the texting was another time I saw him texting her the red lip emoji. I kind of jumped on him for that too. To me that is a romantic sensual kiss emoji and not to be sent to your daughter. To the best of my knowledge he's never done that again. And I know part of it was his ignorance of emojis and he did it innocently but still!
Yep! Been there done that and
Yep! Been there done that and bought the t-shirt for it. I started to fight fire with fire. I felt that DH was constantly shoving SD down my throat and that she was shoving herself down both our throats to insert herself into our marriage. DH and I went to a (group from the 70s) concert. We were making fun of ourselves for being old and that the audience would all have white hair. LOL. So there was no reason to think that SD (in her 20s at the time) would like Unnamed Group. So, I look over at DH because a light kept distracting me. DH was constantly pulling out his phone and I could see all kinds of heart emojis. I could see SD's texts telling DH to tell her when Group plays this song or that song and on and on. And every time the group played the song that SD mentioned, DH would pull out his Doggammed phone and text SD to tell her that the group has started playing that song.
I had just begun my "Fighting Fire with Fire" operation. Oh yeah, when I'm pissed and figuring that I'm ending a relationship anyway, I figure I have nothing to lose by stirring up a hornet's next on my way out the door. Hence, my "operation." So, I leaned over to DH and acted innocent and said that I wasn't aware that SD like the group so much and given that she and DH obviously need some daddy/daughter time more than DH needs husband/wife time, why don't I go outside with my ticket and hand it to SD? DH just stood there all stunned that I would say that. So, SD texted again and DH responded and I'm there on my date with DH watching him and his lover, er, I mean his daughter, carry on their love affair. So, I tapped DH on the shoulder and told him to give me my ticket and have SD meet me outside. I started to turn on my heel before he could respond and he stopped me. I then said that SD does not have a ticket and we do. They were expensive and we never have husband/wife dates. I told DH that I wasn't aware that SD loved the group so much and since she needs constant contact with DH, perhaps I should meet her outside with the ticket. All said in a sickenly sweet phoney lilt. DH stood there wondering how to take it. He said, "no, no, I'll turn my phone off." I watched him turn his phone off and put it away, but the concert was already ruined for me. I was fucking steaming.
Then, whenever DH tried to ask me if I wanted to go out for lunch or to my favourite steak house (probably because he knew he was in the doghouse) I would blurt out, "but what about SD?" That was my mantra. "But what about SD?!" To everything. One day, DH even tried to go all 50 shades on me and get busy and once I was naked and DH had me against the wall, I stopped and asked, "but what about SD?" I then walked away and got dressed. LOL That one was probably my favourite and got the point across. I was relentless too because DH tried again about a week later and again, I went with it until I was naked and DH all ramped up and I stopped him and said, "you can't do this with SD," and walked away. LOL I did that "operation" for months. As far as I was concerned I was going to make him pay big time for being obsessed with SD over me. LOL
LOL!!!! I can't imagine his
LOL!!!! I can't imagine his freaking face!!!! well played. I think I'm in a little disadvantage because SD is just 12, he can make more excuses, BUT I will try to play dirty too, at the end I will not loose anything.
NO FREAKING WAY!!!!! I would
NO FREAKING WAY!!!!! I would be so pissed, I bet she did it on purpose. When we go away I always choose a place where is no service LOL. To be realistic DH and I don't send to each other that amount of emojis, even when we are not together, for me is so so wrong and like you said maybe they even don't know the meanning. The amount of emojis, messages and I love you from this girl is EXCESIVE, you won't believe it if you see it. One day she sent an email to DH asking him to print some homework, she put that kiss emoji at the end of the mail and I was thinking the same as you WTF that is like a sensual kiss.... WHY? WHY? WHYYYYY????
Last night we were watching a movie, we only watched 1 hour of the movie because this girl called TWICE! this is my everyday life, but when she is at home she is 24/7 over us, always in our room, she pretends she can't understand some homework so daddy can do it with her.... *vomits*
Geez!!! Yes, the pretending
Geez!!! Yes, the pretending to not understand the HW or the book she's reading. One time when SD31 was 10, she was reading a novel that had baseball in it. DH counted how many times SD interupted the rest of the family to divert him to get him to explain the game as it was written in the book. DH explained to SD that the details of the game were not germain to the story, so don't worry about it. DH even rolled his eyes in front of SD and she still wouldn't stop. Nothing stops her. DH even counted that she diverted him from the family movie that SS, DH and I were watching. He announced, "that's 22," and she still wouldn't stop. Later I had to spell it out for him that even though he sometimes announces how he's had to reposition her banana clip in her hair for the 17th time, SD won't stop because it works. He still does it. She's relentless and she needs for DH to have a sit-down with her and delve into why she does that and for DH to put her on notice that he's no longer going to retie her blouse laces for her 14 times in one afternoon. Did DH follow through with any of that? Hell nooooooooooo! "Well, if she needs a bit of extra attention, I'll see to it that she gets it. She'll eventually feel secure." OK, she's 31 and still doing it. Dog all-mighty! Oh, and the HW. SD got straight 100s in school, but would act like she was totally clueless to get DH to sit with her. Even SS lost his shit when he was 8 yelling, "she never knows what to do! She just never knows what to do! Maybe you should get her evaluated for mental retardation!" I just about pissed myself. I couldn't believe an 8 year old came up with that. I never said that, but SS must have either gotten it from someone else or he thought of it. I had to point out to DH that even his 8 year old developmentally delayed DS can see what SD does to manipulate. DH: crickets.
YES! she is ALWAYS preteding
YES! she is ALWAYS preteding she doesn't understand things that are so simple, Im SO over that, also this girl is always saying that she hurt her hand, knee, whatever so her daddy and mommy can say to her oh are you ok? poor girl.... I can notice when DH can't stand SD behavior because she can't closed her mouth a second and do a single thing by herself but he NEVER says a thing to her, nothing, WTF?!!!!!
Does your SD is single? this never ends? I'm scared.....
My SD didn't get her first BF
My SD didn't get her first BF until she was 24. It lasted only a year partly because the BF complained to SD that he didn't want to "live" with her dad. SD would have skype open 24/7 in their apartment to have constant access to DH. SD nagged her BF and he dumped her. She's so used to chasing men due to her constant clinging to DH that she did the same to the BF even after he dumped her ass. She served as a booty call for over three years, which was over three times longer than the actual relationship. Then she was single for quite a while until she met her geriatric BF.
She met her BF who is 20 years older than she is. They dated for four months and fought constantly so they parted company. They ran into one another at a party over a year later and then decided it was a good idea to start dating again. They fought and broke up every month since they started up again. SD got pregnant and claimed that it was a mutual decision to try for a baby. Bullshit! She got pregnant the week after SS29 and SDIL announced that they are making it official and getting married and starting a family. SS and SDIL have been talking constantly about babies. SD has always beein into one upmanship and competed against SS all her life. I know damn well she got knocked up just to beat SS to the punch and to give DH the first grandchild. I highly doubt an old fart with two kids and two BMs would want a third baby and third BM at age 50. They were on a break-up when SD found out she was pregnant. Every time the guy broke up with SD, she'd chase the shit out of him just like she clings to DH. It's unreal how she is with men. Then DH laments that she can't seem to find a good man and how come she doesn't get very many prospects. I just turn and give DH a look and not say a word. I'm sure my face gives away that I'm actually thinking, "seriously?!!! Your daughter is a full-blown narcissist and a supreme bitch from hell and you don't know why she can't get a guy or have a healthy lasting relationship?!!!" Anyway, DH is seeing more and more but he's a non-talker so I'll never hear the actual words out of his mouth that his DD is FUBAR and that he enabled her to be that way.
Geriatric BF LOL!!!! of
Geriatric BF LOL!!!! of course she would look for someone so older than her like daddy, she is obsessed.
I can imagine your SD with a baby, poor little baby... What do your SS and SDIL think about SD behavior or the fact she is pregnant etc?? I thought this couldn't get worst but I am so wrong
I haven't been able to talk
I haven't been able to talk to SS and SDIL in private so I don't know what they think about SD beating them to the punch. There's an unwritten rule in this freaken family that no one is allowed to say one word about SD. If they do, they pay the price and BM and DH will withdraw any and all approval and affection and get into a days-long or weeks-long snit making the person think that they're being abandoned by DH and/or BM. So, SS doesn't dare say a word about SD, but he has made some comments that indicate that he is aware of what SD is really like. Since SS and everyone else in the family has been "trained" to not say a word about SD unless it's to rave about her, I will probably never hear the words out of SS' mouth to confirm that he sees what I see. I have actually wondered if SS and SDIL are pissed right off that SD pulled the stunt that she did just so SDIL can't be the mother of DH's first grandchild. As far as I'm concerned, SS and SDIL are and will always be doing things right compared to SD, so they can take comfort in that. They didn't get knocked up while in a chaotic, precarious relationship just to beat their sibling to the punch. They actually are committed to one another, and have been for a long time (6 years which is a long time for a couple in their 20s). They also have a life plan and had carefully planned out their education, grad school, employment, etc. and now that they've achieved that, the wedding is next and then children. There may come a day that I will have to point that out to them if they're bothered by SD. However, they are healthy enough that they're probably not bothered by it at all and are just focused on doing what's right for them.
JHC.
JHC.
I didn't have time to read all of the responses but I'd ask my DH how he feels about being a preteen girl BFF. I mean, seriously, doesn't that girl have any friends?? He's stunting her social development by feeding into this.
He needs to stop, and ignore the complaints from them.
She has friends from school
She has friends from school but I don't think they talk to her that much because this girl is so immature, she has cousins but she is literally missing her childhood. She prefers to have control on her parents 24/7 by calling or texting, also she prefers to be here or with her mom "controlling us" instead of have a time with her cousins at MIL house. This situation is with DH and BM, they see this like a normal behavior they think she just love them so much
God the memories this blog is
God the memories this blog is bringing back to me! I remember one time when SD was probably about 10 or 11 she didn't go skating with her friends because it was on a Wednesday night and that was her night with her dad and she didn't want to miss seeing him. And another time she faked being sick on a Friday that we had her so she didn't have to go to a sleepover party. She was sick at school but then miraculously at dinner time after the party had started she was 100% back to normal. I also don't think she has very many friends because she does that more immature than her peers. I mean some of her friends have boyfriends now.
Oh yes! As a child and up
Oh yes! As a child and up until early adult years, SD would lie to kids at school who invited her for playdates after school. She'd always tell them that she can't because she has to be home right after school. Parents used to come to us and ask if we were of a strange religion or if there was something going on that SD wasn't allowed to ever go to anyone's house after school for a playdate, especially when we knew all the parents. We were very plugged into school stuff, so we knew everyone. So, it wasn't that there was the excuse that we didn't know any parents, so SD couldn't go. DH and I were floored that SD would turn down invitations to come straight home. It was to be crammed up Daddy's ass every moment. As a young adult, she'd say, "ewwww!" during kissing scenes in movies and act like it was all gross in front of Dadddeeeeee. She constantly little-girlified herself up to age 23. She'd ask for tuck-in rituals right up until she moved in with BM at age 23. SS outed her and told everyone that SD still gets tucked-in and DH fiercely defended her and said he doesn't literally tuck in her blankets and sheets. I said that she still announces every night, "I'm ready Daddddddeeeeee," like a little girl at age 23 fucking years old so that she could have a tuck-in ritual with Daddddeeeee every night. I'd walk by SD's room and see DH sitting on the edge of SD's white single princess bed with her five foot eight feet hanging off the end because she's a grown woman, four inches taller than I am, but needing Daddddeeeee to tuck her the f*ck in. She is disgusting and pathetic. She moved in with BM full time at age 23 and had BM wait on her hand and foot. BM was very ill yet she did SD's laundry and cooking. SD wouldn't even use a microwave by herself. Yet, she's an accountant. She pretends she can't tell time on a conventional clock. I could go on and on and on.
HOLY FRICK
No words other than HOLY FRICK
HELL NO!! *vomits* ...
HELL NO!! *vomits* ...
I'm speechless LITERALLY! I can see my future, actually this girl is almost 13, she acts just the same as your SD, she is SO immature she is constantly acting like she was younger is so disguting.... this never ends.