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Why do we treat bio's differently then skids?

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Tue, 02/28/2017 - 4:01am

Most of us are in this situation of having bio and skid.

What I don't get is why do we treat them differently? We are expected to love the brats equally, why not parent equally

Why do we allow skids to be the boss? Is our relationships so important that we are prepared to sit on the back burner...

I'm a good one to talk lol, Deigma would not get away with half of what Aergia does, I swear if that was my daughter she would've been dead by now, but then on the other hand, if she was my bio.. she would've been better behaved, as well as a teen girl can behave.. but being disengage I give truly a shyt what happens to her or what becomes of her.

Then I look how SO wants to be towards Deigma, why more strict then with his own daughter, which cause allot of issues before, cause I simply said, leave my son alone and ask your effing daughter... his argument was always... but Aergia is younger, now Aergia is a girl... I called bullcrap... and I'm no longer scared to open my mouth and say enough...
either you sort that out or I will, but things have gone to far...

maybe it's because I decided I will no longer lower my values for the sake of one bratty teen bitch

Comments

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

Submitted by CompletelyPuzzled on Tue, 02/28/2017 - 4:21am

Even though SD10 lives with us full-time, I am reluctant to correct her behavior I definitely let more go with her than I would with my DS10. She has to really upset me before I will say something to her. Usually, I just let DH know and he handles it. For the most part, he is good about handling her behavior. If she really crosses the line, I will say something. A few days ago, she grabbed my DD5 and twisted her wrist b/c they were fighting over something. I jumped all over her about it. She kept looking at my DH, who told her that she was lucky it was me because she would have been in more trouble if he had caught her doing that.

B22S22's picture

Submitted by B22S22 on Tue, 02/28/2017 - 6:06am

DH was always afraid to hold the SK's to any kind of standards because of the old "they won't want to come over anymore..."

We had issues with them going home and telling the BM a pack of lies like I locked them in their bedroom, we didn't allow them to eat food in our house, they weren't allowed to touch anything... the list goes on.

Made it tough to hold my kids to a standard they were used to when they'd see their step-siblings getting away with everything. Then my kids naturally started trying to push the envelope with their behavior and guess who was all over them?? Me to a point, but moreso DH!

I think there were 3 reasons for this -- 1) He felt he had no control whatsoever with his own children, and 2) He had nothing to lose by disciplining my kids; and 3) DH thought that by discplining my kids, he was showing his kids that he loved them "more". That was a long battle between the two of us, and I don't think it was every completely resolved. Now the SK's are in their early 20's, but when my DH "suggests" something for my DS, all I have to do is ask him, "Would you ask this of YOUR kids??"

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Tue, 02/28/2017 - 8:48am

THISSSS ^^^^ so much!!

I treated my skids like I would treat my own kid the first couple of years, then they started treating me like shit and BM's started acting like gigantic assholes and then DH followed suit and so I stepped wayyyyyy back. If my child is doing something that is rude, or bad, or whatever I am going to correct him. Not so with skids.. because you know.. "not my place" and this was NOT my doing. This was DH, skids and BMs doing. Especially when DH literally said in the same sentence once "Mind your own business......why can't you act like a mother to SD?" LMAO Can't have it both ways idiot.

And I don't treat my MIL the same as I treat my mother simply because I married DH. Sure I'm civil with my MIL UNTIL she starts acting like a gigantic asshole, then I step wayyyyy back with her too. There is no discrimination with me. If you act like an asshole, I can act like a bigger one..... so it's best that I just don't "act" at all.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Tue, 02/28/2017 - 8:59am

The part that perplexes me is the part where DH treats OUR bio son differently than skids.

BS7 just started spending the night at MIL's every once in a while. They will pick him up at karate on Saturday and then he spends the night and they bring him home on Sunday whenever they are done galavanting. Sure this is new to me, and I worry about BS, so I always call Saturday night before bed time and talk to him and then I ask him to call me Sunday morning before they head out to church or whatever their plans are, other than that I try to be a sane person lol DH must ask me 27 times during this time period... did you call BS? What are they doing with BS today? What time is he supposed to be home? Why do they have to galavant? etc etc. Now when SD lived with us? She'd be gone DAYS with friends or GBM half the time we had no clue where she was or when she was planning on coming home and DH seemed to be just fine with that????

BS7 went to a friends house Saturday, I know the parents, kids do karate together, friend has spent the night at and played at our house etc etc... so this is not just some random friend/parents (this mom don't play that way). So mom said they were going to take the kids bowling and for dinner later in the afternoon and would drop BS7 off on their way through around 8ish pm. I told DH the plan after I dropped BS7 off. He wanted to know where they were bowling and why they were going to a different town to bowl and what kind of car do they drive etc etc. THEN at 8 pm on the freaking dot, he is downstairs asking me where our son is, I thought they were bringing him back at 8???? lmao NEVER in 10000 years did he do this shit with either skid.

Then there is the punishment. DH will punish BS7 for stupid shit.... yet SD could lie, manipulate, lie some more, steal, drink, fail school, be a nasty slob, and DH was like lalalaalala... no problems here!

So yeah... what the hell gives??

sunshinex's picture

Submitted by sunshinex on Tue, 02/28/2017 - 9:44am

I only have my stepdaughter right now but we do have a baby on the way, and we plan to treat them the same - totally equal with rules, standards, everything. I think the only difference will be my personal involvement... I'll be a lot more involved with things like teaching our bio how to read, how to spell, things like that. I don't think anyone really did that for my stepdaughter (unfortunately). She was always a bit behind and still is because of it. She lives with us full-time and BM is barely involved. DH just doesn't think to do those things.

Our bio will have a much more involved parent with me. I tried to do that for SD but regardless of how often I sat down with her and tried to teach her things, planned out birthday parties for her, did the whole nine yards, my husband would still make comments about how I don't spend much time with her.... all while he's never sat down once to teach her anything or spent hours planning a birthday party lol. So that stopped real fast. If her parents don't want to do that and I try yet still get flack for not spending much time with her, that's not my problem. But my bio will have it a lot differently.

I do feel bad but I also feel like a lot of what I do for SD goes unnoticed so I've stopped doing it. There's going to be a 6 year age difference between SD and the baby so it'll probably not be a big deal and I've told DH he can't get upset with me for doing things with our bio that nobody did with SD. I don't think he understands just how different our bios first few years of life will be.