Yes.

You walk away from the man you love because you love your kids and yourself more.

The obvious and simple answer is yes - walk away now. If you won't do that, then at least put off moving in together.

If I have the time line right, you left your husband 2.5 years ago. Within 6 months of leaving you had a boyfriend. Judging by the age of your oldest it looks like your marriage was long term. Is your divorce final yet?

You need some time without a man to figure out what is important in your life. What do you really want - what do you need? I'm guessing that you don't need a 14 year old who is a criminal. (His brother is probably on the same path.)

I can't understand why your boyfriend knowingly lets his son break the law. Stealing hurts other people. I can't believe your boyfriend let a 14 year old out of the house at 10:45, let alone with friends and a presumably empty backpack!

Is the kid smoking pot at home? That not only hurts his health but sets a bad example for the other kids in the home.

This is a messed up situation that is only going to get worse.

Leave, you have kids that you don't want hurt by all of this insanity. There are plenty of good guys out there. Just because you have kids doesn't mean you have to be with someone who has kids. Your oldest one will be leaving soon. Take your time alone (don't date right now) to figure out who you are. I dated right after my first marriage... but turned out to be a mistake. I took a long hiatus from dating, to find out who I was. I didn't date again for quite a few years. I learned to love myself and my children in a whole new light. I was able to focus all my energy on me and my job and my kids. They loved it. We had so much fun.

You should leave. This isn't a great relationship and we can promise you that if it is uncomfortable now and you don't live together, it WILL ONLY GET WORSE.

Believe you deserve better, whatever has happened in your relationships, you need to love yourself first before you can find the person who is truly worthy of you. And honestly? Don't drag your kids into this kind of situation if you have a choice. You're lucky, because you do have a choice. Many of us didn't get to see this side of their skids and DH's until years into our marriages. You don't live together yet? Do us all a favour and never cross that line.

Boundaries, this kid needs them, but that isn't, unfortunately, your place. And when SO is saying don't make me choose between you and my kids, he already has. He's making it clear that, even if you are on the same page in theory, he can't be there in practice. Even though it hurts, it may be the best thing for SO for you to step out for a time too so he can put his house in order. It's hard enough dealing with a rebellious kid when your home life is idyllic. As someone who has worked with wayward your for years, the "wrong crowd" is a myth. At 14 he's old enough to be able to make morally driven decisions and he is making all the wrong ones so it's not his friends it's his choice. Moving in together at this point would be a mistake both emotionally and potentially financially (if skid gets caught stealing and you two end up paying restitution it adds up quick, not to mention if HHS gets involved or your own husband decides to go back to court for different custody arrangements). You are not at a point where you can disengage and while you want to help this kid he doesn't want YOUR help he needs his dad's. Even if you stay in a relationship with this man stay the hell out of living with him for a while. This kid needs his normalcy too and if this is bad now with you two just dating it is going to get worse when you move in. Tell SO to get his house in order before you can make it yours as well

If you want to move in with this guy, go for it. But give your exhusband the kids full time,pay child support and agree to only have visitation with them outside of your new home.

But you already have put him before your kids by staying and exposing your kids to his kids.

Here, sip on this cup of tea and hush up. }:)

What would be so terrible about the boy going to his mother's? If dad doesn't supervise him, what's the difference if BM doesn't supervise him either? Why does your dh want to keep him from his mother? Maybe he has good reasons, but he's kidding himself if he thinks he is providing a stellar home himself.

Now about you:

There are 2 possible responses to "don't make me choose."

1. Blank stare. Reach for keys. "Just going out for some boxes, I can't live like this. Enjoy your kids. Bye."

or

2. "SO, I don't understand your statement even a little bit. If you thought I was the kind of person who didn't have your children's best interest at heart, why on earth would you date me at all? And if you think I'm in some kind of competition with a 14 year old boy, I can't imagine what it would be. A game of Uno maybe? How am I in competition with him otherwise?"

Easy enough to decide- it's a yes or no questions. Answer this:

Do you want your son growing up with the example that this is how a man should treat a partner in a relationship, and do you want your daughter growing up to choose a partner who will treat her the way she is witnessing now?

If the answer is yes, then by all means stay and get some counseling and get your boyfriend some parenting classes. If the answer is NO, then get the hell out and let Disney Daddy enjoy his juvenile delinquent.