You are here

Aaaaannnnnd......

afrazier212's picture

Submitted by afrazier212 on Wed, 02/16/2011 - 11:19am

Updating on the Emotional wreck SD!! So re-cap; BM abandoned SS 13 and SD 11 a year ago, valentines day weekend was the last time they went for a "visit"

It's been an emotional train wreck for all of us! SD is taking it the hardest, and she tends to take it out on me, seems like that anyways. BM over the years has brain washed her too, so she dis-likes me, does not respect me and is an all out drama queen cause her BM told her to, pretty much.

I've worked my ass off the last year to prove who I am and I am nothing like her. SD birthday was the 15th. Did BM call to tell her only daughter Happy Birthday; Nope!! Card in the mail? Nope!! Nothing!

I took SD out last Friday for her BDay. Got our nails done, got her hair cut and styled, bought new shoes for us both too. She talked about BM the whole time! Sad Breaks my damn heart! I hope this climax of emotion from her ends soon. I know it has to be hard, I don't fully understand but is she talking about bm so much to irritate me on purpose or is it her way of dealing with her emotions?! Other than that our "Date" was pretty good, she was very nice and open and wasn't Diva SD, well until we got home anyways!! Beee SS 13 is sooooo jealous when all attention is not on him so it being her b-day, he is flipping out, so he was right on our asses when we walked in the door. Grrrrrrrr....

It seems as though when I get along with one the other is horrible!! Everytime; it never fails!! Don't get it!

Comments

caregiver1127's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127 on Wed, 02/16/2011 - 11:25am

Well you said it yourself BM has not had any contact in a year so for all intents and purposes you are the mother and since one adult has rejected them they want the total attention of the adult that is in their lives - it is sad that they have to feel that unless you are right there next to them then they are not important - I love the way birth parents just screw up their kids completely and don't have any consequences dealt them while we pick up the slack and have to hear about how great they are -

I am adopted and I know for years I wondered what I had done so wrong at 5 that my mother hated me and gave me away - it took me years to realize that it was her with the problem and I was too young to have done anything to warrant her giving me away - she just could not take care of me and my brother and sisters - so your SD talks about her mom because she just can't understand what she did to make her go away even though she may know that it is her mothers problem it still haunts you that someone wants nothing to do with you - so she talks about her to make herself feel better!! It is rough to hear but you are being a good SM to her and that is all you can do!!

somerg's picture

Submitted by somerg on Wed, 02/16/2011 - 11:28am

i can tell you speaking from the child's point of view...don't let her know this pisses you off to hear bm this and that, my dad abandoned my brother and i when i was only 5. Growing up any sdad i had (2) that compared themselves to my dad just made me resent them, or if they made it be known they hated hearing me talk about it (they did) i resented them-still hate them both even though my mom is now divorced from her latest husband.

don't look too much into it smom, it's probably her way of dealing with it (i STILL talk about my dad leaving, there is nothing that can describe that emptiness of knowing any parent will not be there for big accomplishments like hs graduations bday's prom WEDDINGS-it HURTS-she may struggle with this for the rest of her life)- don't hold it against her, let dh be her dad, and be her friend above all else

don't let that get to you

afrazier212's picture

Submitted by afrazier212 on Wed, 02/16/2011 - 11:38am

Thanks guys. My Dad abandoned my oldest sis and I too, off and on, I know the emotions but I never talked about my BF to SF. Caregiver, you said it perfectly and I'm crying. This is soooo hard. I feel no matter what I do for these kids I will never get the appriciation or thanks, or respect and I have to smile and deal with all this. They constantly put her above me and tell me how great she is, I have apologized for this Woman I don't even know a thousand times!! I hate it.....I hope Karma kicks the living shit outta BM. Thats all I can do I suppose, well and try to give these kids a "Good Life"

StepKidto3Momto3's picture

Submitted by StepKidto3Momto3 on Wed, 02/16/2011 - 3:44pm

I gave stepdad a major hard time from the time he married mom (I was 11) through the early part of high school (their wedding video consists of me sobbing so loud you couldn't hear the vows). Basically, if 1 dad left (and by that time stepmom #1 had come and gone, along with stepbro #1), why wouldn't stepdad leave too?

It sounds like you are doing a great job with the kids. It will get better as they get older and you are still sticking around.

My step-dad walked me down the aisle. He is the man my kids call grandpa (they have never even met my biodad).

Raising step-kids is tough but as adults, most get it, we really do.

afrazier212's picture

Submitted by afrazier212 on Wed, 02/16/2011 - 7:56pm

I know I dont have to apologize for her, but rather the fact that life has dealt them these cards. Sometimes I just don't know what to say except "sorry" Sad Asher if you were talking to me my pic is the symbol for scorpio, I have it tatted on the under part of my wrist, but its blue!! I love it!!