The best way to stop it, is to just not send any of your stuff to BM's.

This is why the kids always return to BM in what they come in. I know it's annoying and would be easier sometimes but ours would do the same IF she likes it.

I used to send SO's son home in a shirt that said something like "I get it from dad" because it always came back. She flat out said she doesn't let son wear it normally. I don't care. Im garenteed then it will come back if for some reason I can't get his Friday outfit cleaned by Sunday.

She does her best to send the kids in the cheapest or oldest stuff. Son is in size 10 shoes. Guess what size he wore to the house Monday.... 7. So guess which ones will go back with him.... 7.

I understand completely. We were buying clothing almost every weekend they were here.
It got to the point with SO sending the skids home in the clothes they arrived in. That is what you may have to do as well.
They still managed to sneak clothes home on occasion never to be seen again.

We buy all clothes for both houses and skids still look like homeless people when they come back to us from BM. I finally got to a point that I have to see them wear nice new clothes a few times BEFORE they can wear it to BM's. I'll never see it again.

BM takes your cloths and then she does not need to spend money on her own kids...

keep on sending them back in dirty cloths, not your problem Hon... what stops BM from packing extra cloths for the days they are with you? Deigma use to do this when he was younger and the day care lady asked for clean cloths, thus he had 2 bags per day... one for school and one for daycare... (our kids wear uniforms to school)

Just keep one outfit, wash it and send them back in it next time and keep the one they had one, wash it and send them in it next time. So on and so forth. Then they will always go back in clean clothes that belong at her house.

Ours got to the point where BM would make SS change clothes while he was at her house for a few hours on DH's time (like if she had a BBQ or family event she asked to have SS for for a bit on his days). So if we sent him in something nice, he would come back a few hours later in ratty too small clothing and we would never see the nice stuff again. Now he goes to her place in old tshirts and pants and those magically come back all the time.

If your DH refuses to stop the bath time ever evening, then the only solution you have is to send them back in the clothes they came in. They may be dirty but I would refuse to continue to buy clothes that never come back. We had to do that to BM for quite a while to drive it home.
I purchased some really nice clothes for YSS, only to have them ALL end up at BM's. DH was not happy about it either. So, we send him back in the crappy clothes BM send him in.

BM is also a pro at never feeding the kids before she drops them off. No matter what time she brings them. It could be 9 pm when we get them and they haven't eaten. The one time DH decides he is going to play her game and drops them off at 5 pm to her house, she shot back a nasty text saying the kids walked in saying they were hungry.
Hahahaha. It was 5 pm....they had eaten lunch so It wasn't like we starved them.

I love it when DH gives BM exactly what she gives us.

Send 'em back in dirty clothes. BM throws fits if the kids aren't sent back in her clothes but DH ignored it. He just repeats the following mantra each time she pitches a fit: "I do not always have time to wash a single set of clothes. You may choose between accepting the dirty clothes on the kids, allowing the kids to manage their clothing between houses, or having the kids wear clothes from my house on switch days."

BM doesn't get to dictate that you bathe the kids on your time unless your DH agrees to it. Then it's your DH who has issues. In your case I would tell DH that either BM provides the pjs she wants the kids changed into, or they go back in their clothes from the day. End of story.

Edit to add: If BM sends the kids in underwear that is too small, we just toss it and let the kids wear underwear from our house. (Socks & underwear are monthly budget items in our house of 4 growing, rambunctious kids - it doesn't affect our bottom line much.) But if its a budget issue, send the kid back commando. Eventually either BM or the kid will get tired of the lack of underwear on the return trip, or BM will run out of toddler underwear.

We solved this problem by keeping him in his school uniform for pick up. BM only has him on weekends and has no use for uniforms so she always sends him back as I'm sure she doesn't want to "lose" any of her clothes either. I shop at consignment shops, have hand-me-downs and cheap Walmart shoes if hes out of school on holiday or Summer. We have a few uniform sets so the one he comes back in gets washed on Wednesday and is ready again by Friday.

We are dealing with a similar issue. Nice clothes go to BM's - never to be seen again. BM sends her back in PJ's or ratty , stained too big or way to small hand me downs from her other kids that she actually has custody off. SO has finally decided that the kid will go to her BM's in the crap clothes that came from there. BM pays a pathetic amount in CS and buying clothes for her house isn't happening!

Sounds like those kids are old enough to shower when they are back at home....stop making BM's life easier.

I'm wondering why school age kids are showering at their dad's house, when sleeping at their mom's. Doesn't make sense. Are they 9 mos old? This whole routine needs to change. Stop the showers. Fine, maybe dad has them after school, they can be fed and homework done, but let her handle the showers.

If they are sleeping over at BMs, I guarantee she is getting credit for the overnights even though it sounds like she isn't doing squat.

Your DH's job is not to make his ex wife's job easier, it's to make yours easier.

I used to have a similar problem. BM would drop off the SDs in jammies wrapped in blankets every day for DH to get them ready for school. We are talking about 7 and 10 yr old kids. I asked them why they are leaving the house this way and they said they were too tired, more like BM was too lazy. I just kept bagging up the PJs and blankets until she had no choice but to send them back in actual clothes.

BM used to pull this crap.

First of all, BM would pick-up skid after school and have her change out off her uniform before exchanges. Skid would be in two sizes too small clothes when we got her, and no uniform for the following school day. It wasn't a problem until we ran out of about 2 weeks worth of them, plus cardigans, the nice school shoes DH bought, etcetera. BM basically told him tough titties and to go buy more if it was a problem. I wanted to punch her in the throat.

Ultimately, DH got the weekday pick-up changed to him picking skid up from school.

In regard to the weekend visits, we'd change skid out of her clothes she came in, so we could send her back home in them when she left.

It was all a game to BM.

Have them eat and don't worry about the shower. Just let them keep their clothes on and send them back to BM the way they showed up.

We went through this cycle for quite some time. We have a discount store in my country called PEP. We bought very cheap clothing there and would then either throw away SS's too small clothing or we would wash the items and keep them at our house until we could have a pile of item he could go back in.

This used to drive me insane until I found a solution. Now sadly we bought some nice things for when he comes to us and he stole the pjama's to take home as he really liked them. I bought new ones from the cheap store and have told my husband he's on bag inspection every single sleep over visit.

It's not worth the hag and the kids shouldn't have to bath and then go home in dirty things. Try the alternates offered and stock pile the clothing for 2-3 changes. If BM throws a wobbly itemise all you have not had returned and stipulate you are holding the clothing for stay overs.