I just tried explaining to DH what being a step parent is.
BM is playing her games again. She "doesn't know" if she is giving us the kids yet this weekend because she "might" take them "somewhere." Once again, ignoring court order.
He got offended and short with me because I told him to just let her keep them.
Now DH and I are emailing.
I said:
Honestly, step parenting is the most depressing thing I have ever dealt with. It is taking care of kids who could care less about you. They love their whore mother. They'll always wish mom and dad worked out and I feel like a nanny who doesn't get paid sometimes. If me and ___ (BM's boyfriend) died tomorrow they'd be over it in a week. Being a stepparent is a thankless job. You think it is all sunshine and rainbows and easy street to have no kids of my own and do what I do. Sometimes I get tired and it is hard.
He responds:
Well that is horrible you feel that way.
Me:
I know and that is what a step parent is. It is a parent figure the kid never asked for taking on some other woman's (who I hate) kids. Bio parents have no idea what is feel like to be a step parent. You assume it is easy and great because they are your kids, so you see it differently. That is why when I feel invisible I get so mad, I just wish for one second you understood that it is hard for me but I do it anyway for YOU. They would never know I want to rip my hair out some days, or cry, or that I despise their mother. I am always good to them.
Him:
They fucking love you and that is all that matters. They do not take sides, especially ______ (SS).
Me:
For example when ____ (SD) says "My mom says XYZ..." I want to say "fuck your whore mother." But, I smile and saw AWW That is great!... That is what being a step parent is. A very confusing role. I love them, they are good kids. But I always wanted my own and didn't expect this, so allow me to have my occasional moment of honesty, where I tell you I wouldn't mind having a break from them this weekend.
DH:
I feel the same. When she (SD) keeps bringing up ____ (BM) I also want to say "who gives a fucking shit!" It is hard. I understand, I get it.
Well Step talkers... I think I got my point across? Wow that felt good.
- AJanie's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Once we have the money and
Once we have the money and some of the invoice paid down we will have to get her for contempt. Right now all I can do is make a list. It is unnerving.
wonderful! it's a great
wonderful! it's a great feeling when they "get it" in that way - not "get it" as if they've actually lived it themselves, but in that they understand the logic in your explanation and are finally seeing that emotional ups and downs are reasonable due to our tough position.
I'm sorry you're dealing with
I'm sorry you're dealing with BM BS. I freaking hate it too, as in lately every day his kid is here, I am depressed. It never helps to be with someone that doesn't know how you feel & simply doesn't understand your perspective. I have to say, at least when it comes to my guy, doesn't matter how I spin it he doesn't truly get it. I hope yours does. If he doesn't, it certainly feels good to vent it. Why not stop doing so much, if it's making you frustrated? Or is it mostly the BM & never knowing what's happening or what's next? That does suck.
Ugh, I know. I can't take his
Ugh, I know. I can't take his "love is all you need" perspective. More like love, therapy, SSRI's and/or a benzodiazepine prescription, alcohol, guided meditation, positive affirmations, anger management skills and a lot of blind hope is all you need.
lol…so true.
lol…so true.
Hahahaha! This is perfect!
Hahahaha! This is perfect!
Yeah, just love. No rules or
Yeah, just love.
No rules or expectations. They will do it with no prompting, right?
Yah, whatever. I'm so over it.
Yeah, I just had a little
Yeah, I just had a little back and forth with DP about the SDs...basically not having the dishes I need, you know, in the kitchen, rather than their bedrooms.
He's like, "Well, it's hard to have them do that (i.e. clean up). They are just kids, blah, blah, blah..."
I lost it a little, "They are NOT 'just kids' any longer! YOU are not teaching them ANYTHING about responsibility and respect for others in this house. I can't find a very specific bowl I NEED and it's likely in SD12's room for weeks now and it's like, 'oh whatever.' It's not 'oh whatever!' I am not going to 'get over it' - YOU just let it roll off and don't do anything while meanwhile I'm trying to do something and am not able to because YOU don't care. And THAT'S why I get mad, because I have ZERO say in it even though it may effect me directly."
So friends, there it is. My dish collecting will continue.
Oh, and that drain screen in the SDs bathroom I glued down? DP himself pried it out.
I regressed and called him *and* the SDs too lazy to freaking remove the hair (he wouldn't directly admit to it) and the screen is there to prevent a hundreds of dollars plumber bill in the future. So this time I glued it down with liquid nails and so help me if that thing is pried out again I will lose my sh!t.
Yeah, I know! But he and SD10
Yeah, I know!
But he and SD10 are notorious for forcing things....if it doesn't immediately give then pry, push, yank until it does give. Without a thought.
It couldn't have been easy - it wasn't a heavy duty glue but it was strong enough to prevent an easy removal. Just throw away the hair for g@dssake.
He knows better now about that drain.
I'm going to check the glue seal tonight to make sure it's impossible to pry up w/out using solvent.
Too lazy to just remove the
Too lazy to just remove the hair but has no problem prying up a glued down screen. Oh.my.god.
YEP He's a super smart guy
YEP
He's a super smart guy with everything computer/book related but physical stuff is beyond him most of the time.
Ah, but I am a smarty-pants
Ah, but I am a smarty-pants house-fixer so I'm making sure at least I can remove it or at least just the screen is damaged not the tub drain... }:)
I've been more PO'd than over this, trust me.
He'll likely be paying for another house-cleaner visit for the SDs bathroom in 2.5 weeks.
But see, I'm still not even PO'd about that...
I'm PO'd about the freaking SERVEWARE.
I recently replaced all the missing glasses with those little mugs that German mustard comes in. One of my friends was giving like 15 of them away. I took all of them. They are all in the cupboard now. Oh, don't want to use a funny glass, then stop using, breaking, losing the glasses. I'm going to make a stash of a couple glasses/coffee mugs for my own use only.
I think the only reason my
I think the only reason my wine glasses aren't touched is 1) out of reach and 2) they know I'd freak out. They broke a couple champagne glasses a couple years ago (new, I just bought a couple for DP and I) and I freaked the F out. Yeah, these DO break easy because they aren't TOYS.
I've informed DP that if we need more serveware it will be paper as I will not be replacing anything. If he wants real stuff he knows where the thrift store is. We are down to two cereal bowls so suspect that's first.
A giant bucket of suck..
A giant bucket of suck.. would probably cover it!
He can definitely be all of
He can definitely be all of those things. I often want to rip the phone out of his hand and settle things because the 2 of them trying to agree on anything is the most pathetic thing I have ever seen. I will say, she is TRULY the most flighty human being on earth and goes to great lengths to be unreasonable. He is so disgusted with the court system and the amount of money that he has basically resigned himself to the fact that she will always get her way.
Ifeel for you, but im glad
Ifeel for you, but im glad you emailed it. I might have to try that(writing an email) ...because i swear talking about certain issues ugh in one earout the other.
DH does not comprehend it
DH does not comprehend it purely because you are treated like dirt because of HIS reproductive choices whereas if he is treated like dirt he has the whole bio bond going AND let's face it it's because he chose to have a kid with crazy. I was where you are about a year ago but then I got some heartfelt advice from some wise ladies on here. I feel 100 times better now am disengaged most of the time except if I choose otherwise. It's very liberating.
I don't think he gets it, I
I don't think he gets it, I think he's trying to placate you.
His comment about "they f****** love you" NOPE that right there he DOES. NOT. GET. IT.
Skids don't love us. They don't. OK. Maybe there's a SUPER RARE case where they do (like BSGoinON's SS) but most of the time they LOVE THEIR WHORE MOTHER and if they thought it'd improve HER life they'd push us off a damn cliff no matter how much or what we do for them.
I do not think that he gets
I do not think that he gets it but I love that he has not flown off the handle when you expressed your opinion and accused you of hating his kids or some other such argument causing sentiment. He is trying to be understanding even if he misses the finer sentiments of what you said.