You are here

Sanity - found, drama continues. O/T

noidea1010's picture

Submitted by noidea1010 on Mon, 09/08/2014 - 3:18pm

In my last post, I needed my sanity. And thank you everyone for helping me find it. Whew!

Thanks god my ex screwed up before I married him, because he was hiding a complete and utter asshole in there! Materialistic, fake, always the victim, good lord. I feel so sorry for his daughter. She's got some seriously fucked up parents. If they aren't narcissistic, then they certainly have A LOT of narcissistic traits. I still see her (SD) from time to time. I don't know if anyone on here has kept in contact with their stepkids after separating from their SO, if so please share how that's worked out? I see my time with her ending soon, since the new GF is jealous of me. SD13 texts me that she misses me, etc. I find that in short time periods, she's really a good kid, when she knows what to expect.

Sadly her dad is teaching her to be materialistic and to live off other people. Not much I can do about that, other then be a good example. On to the drama, ex-dumbass and I have mutual friends. They understand that I really don't want to be where he is. There is a trip coming up that we attended together last year and I told them to feel free to invite him, just to let me know so I wouldn't plan on going. No hard feelings. Well...they want me to go, so they told him that he wasn't invited. Now he's telling them that it's not fair, because he introduced me to them so he should get to go. (He's freaking almost 39!) He even tried talking one of our friends into talking me out of going. I've never asked our friends to choose sides, just to let me know so I can not be there. I guess that's making them choose in a way? Am I wrong to not want be around him?

Do any of you look back and wonder how these assholes got you in the first place?

Comments

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Mon, 09/08/2014 - 3:36pm

The mutual friends obviously enjoy your company more than your ex's.

I don't think you are wrong for not wanting to be around him and you gave the friends an easy way out. They still chose you. Oh, well, too bad for the ex.

Assholes have a way of hiding the fact that they are assholes....at first.

sunny_skies's picture

Submitted by sunny_skies on Fri, 09/12/2014 - 10:36am

I'm still with DH so haven't had experience of keeping in contact with a skid after separating.. I know a few SMs on STalk have kept in contact with the kids after their relationship ended though.. It works for some people I guess!!

It's a difficult one though isn't it, if you've had kids with the partner you've seperated from, then I think it's only fair that the siblings should be allowed to see eachother.

But if you *haven't* had any kids with the partner you've seperated from, then I personally think it would be wise to cut off contact with skid too, as you'd have to then still be in contact with the ex. 

Even if the skid is old enough to come meet you somewhere and not be dropped off by ex, (and you're not directly in contact with the ex) you'd still be hearing about them when you meet up with the skid I think. I'd find that quite difficult myself. 

Oh and also, in your case, if your ex is trying to talk mutual friends into "un-invite" you, then can you imagine wha he'd do when he finds out you're still meeting with his kid?! There's every possibility that he could either forbid the kid to see you and make kid feel bad, or even start talking to his kid about you in a bad way, that's just welcoming drama in my opinion.

I think you're absolutely right to not want to be around him. I'd *hate* to be in the same social situation as my ex! Totally understandable. If you worded it to them in that way, then no I don't think you're forcing your mutual friends to choose. I personally would not want to hang out with mutual friends of my exes though, too close to home and I'd just stay away altogether. 

Can you see a pattern here lol! I have removed myself *completely* from *anything* to do with my ex, as I suffer from anxiety and tend to worry a lot over dumb things. In order to alleviate the stress I felt when I was with him, I just avoided anything to do with him at all. So maybe my opinion would be different from that of someone who was stronger/ braver/  able to deal with stress better than me! lol!

Oh, and I have no (and I mean absolutely nooo) idea *how on earth* my ex managed to keep me for so long, I was totally gullible to his pretending to be a good man. I guess we want so badly to believe the guy we're with is a good guy, that we pretend to ourselves that he is, even though he's NOT!