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Thank you note

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Wed, 02/15/2017 - 8:48am

Just wanted to thank you S-Talkers who responded to my SOS yesterday. I was able to talk it out and get a lot of the irritation out before I said anything overly rude/out of line to DH - and potentially ruin a night that turned out to be very good.

When I got home he pretended he had nothing for me. He said "we will still go out to dinner but I am short on cash so I didn't get you a gift." I was disappointed (i.e. disgusted) but I gave him a little box of chocolates and went to fix my makeup before dinner. Then he walked out the door into the hall and when he came back inside he had a dozen roses with a big red bow and a dorky grin on his face. He tricked me. It was really nice.

So thank you for the support system and being an outlet. I very well may have sabotaged a good night without you all.

Comments

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Wed, 02/15/2017 - 8:50am

:jawdrop: you got real roses..... wow.... makes it worth forgiving them lol

I got emoji roses, cheap ass SO

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Wed, 02/15/2017 - 9:14am

I'm glad he stepped up and actually got you something.

Maybe it's a step in the right direction and he will keep up the progress?

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Wed, 02/15/2017 - 9:43am

I really hope so. We had a relatively long conversation before we left for dinner. I tried to explain to him how sometimes instead of telling him I need more attention from him or I am hurt or overwhelmed with stress, I lash out and say things I don't mean to get a rise out of him. I told him I am not that person, I am overly sensitive and fearful or worried a lot of the time about a lot of things (FINANCES, my fertility, the distance I feel between us)....

He also told me he didn't mean to ignore me about SS, and that he admits he just doesn't know what to do sometimes as a parent (and the guilt of not seeing him all the time makes it harder to discipline). He said it wasn't the ex but the fact that now he is having problems at school, that "opened his eyes" to how bad it is getting. He also told me he has trouble sleeping and he gets to sleep several hours after me - he doesn't sleep that late on purpose. He knows how much it bothers me now so he said he would work on a better sleep schedule.

It was nice to talk like that. I don't want it to just be a one time, open discussion and then fall back into that toxic pattern of yelling or being passive aggressive when things build up. I know it isn't always easy to stay on the same page as one another... I wish it was.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Wed, 02/15/2017 - 10:05am

VERY GOOD! may i also suggest you guys taking the Love Languages survey? i thought ours was very eye-opening. it breaks it down into five rather broad categories, and you can see what types of actions or words towards eachother has the strongest effect.

mommadukes2015's picture

Submitted by mommadukes2015 on Wed, 02/15/2017 - 10:10am

I'm so glad to hear this.

This is exactly how it works with SO and I. We rarely have explosive, yelling fights. If we do, we say our snarky bits, walk away from each other (he usually leaves for 10-20 minutes which makes me want to rip his head off) and when he comes back he gives me a big hug (which is completely disarming).

Neither of us want to fight with the other. Neither one of us want to hurt the other. So we calm our asses down and talk like big kids. Fights will happen, even to the best of us. It's reminding yourselves that you are one team, not two opposing teams that will get you through.

Our ability to fight and bounce back from it, for each other, is my favorite part about our relationship. I know no matter what, we can communicate and that he values my feelings/concerns just as much as I value his. Misunderstandings and hurt feelings happen. Healing and growing from it is a choice.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Wed, 02/15/2017 - 10:16am

Our ability to fight and bounce back from it, for each other, is my favorite part about our relationship.

haha. My YSD says that it's a "relationship goal" to be like us in that regard. We can have a snippy dialogue and then be completely fine about it later or the next day.

mommadukes2015's picture

Submitted by mommadukes2015 on Wed, 02/15/2017 - 10:47am

Yeah- it's hard which is why I do think it's best that my SO leaves leaves. So I can check myself too. I know he will come back.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Wed, 02/15/2017 - 10:27am

love marriagebuilders! i had it bookmarked on my old work computer. thanks for the link so i can re-bookmark it!

enjoy that site, janie, it's wonderful.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Wed, 02/15/2017 - 9:34am

aww yay!!!

dont delete your post from yesterday, bookmark it for easy access. you got a lot of good advice there, and we ALL need reminders on how to keep communication positive and open.