hey - could you post a link to that thread? id like to check it out for curiosity's sake... i checked out the site once too after everyone kept talking about it but could make heads or tails of how to navigate it. thanks

Hi Rags, I'd be interested in checking it out myself as well. Are you able to tell me under which subheading you found the post. It is a very confusing site.

Geez that thread is long. Whats the big deal any way - one site or another... Now i feel like i picked a side in a war i didnt know about... sillyness.

It takes too long to read with having to load all all the cartoon pics they use? Each post takes up a half page but is only 1-2 sentences long! I always get bored waiting and give up! the few times I have looked.

I think it is BM-centric so am not surprised they do not 'get' ST.

I've trolled over there once or twice, the pictures at the end of the sentences are cheesy. It doesn't seem as interesting to me as ST. And they swear we are all a bunch of trailor trash. They actually call us that! I also believe that they are not as honest as STalkers are. That's what I love about this site, people put it out there, the good, the bad and the outright ugly. I would NEVER in a million years say to my DH a quarter of the shit I say here but I need to let it out so I can move on and be happy in my life. IV is not my cup of tea.

I lurked around ivillage for a long time before I found StepTalk but never felt comfortable posting there. There are several step related boards, one is for support and one is a debate board.

On the support board they are very protective about only offering support - that means no honest opinions are welcome. I found it not very helpful, as sometimes the best advise and support is not what you necessarily want to hear.

The debate board is just that, every post is open for debate and if you are looking for support and advise you are told to get lost.

I find StepTalk to be a great combination of both other people's insite and support and advise. For me I think it's just a personal choice. I can't see the need to pit one against the other like some have done.

I may be wrong, but I suspect that the demographics of both sites are quite different, which leads to the different general perspectives.

IV = mostly people who are moms first, then become stepmoms

ST = stepparents in general, including stepmoms with no kids of their own, stepmoms with "our" kids and stepdads, as well as moms first who then become stepmoms

If you read through all of it, they have some over here on a different name. They think it is funny to come over here and inflame us.

This has been going on for over two years now. I used to post on there, but they were so openly hostile to Stepmoms. There are several "Boards" over there for 2nd Marriages, blended families and the one that post came from BM vs SM debate. They are the most openly hostile group of women, I have ever come across.

I troll over there once in awhile, but I don't post anymore, because last time I did I was attacked for taking my SD bra shopping. It was brutal. Even though she asked me to, they attacked me.

Surfed over to IVillage to close some of my ignorance gaps.

Well I hope you weren't hoping to find much intelligence over there.

I haven't been back since reading one 'debate' where a few BMs were being really mouthy about how they can control every second of time when kids are with BD and how SM has to just take their shit. Not one person called them on it. They actually got a lot of support for their positions. It made me sick to my stomach.

I've lurked over there a few times, but felt no draw to it. It wasn't easy to navigate, & I wasn't the least bit intrigued enough to take the time to figure it out. I felt a lot of arrogance & snootiness in the majority (however, not all) of the members who were posting. The giant signature cartoons & pictures irritated me. I did notice there were some members cross-posting. I have no issue with that as long as they're not starting crap between the two sites. I don't understand the anger between the two sites myself. In my opinion, if you like one but not the other, don't go the other. If you like them both, use them both, but there's no reason to start the petty feuds between the two.

Different strokes for different folks, I reckon.

I went and looked. I can't be bothered to read all of that it takes too long and is so lame. What I read could be summed up like this -

poster 1 - We are so awesome.
poster 2 - no you're awesome.
poster 3 - let's talk about how I'm awesome.
poster 1 & 2 - okay, let's! you're awesome.
ad infinity ...

blech.

But it DID remind me of Selkie and her runaway daughter - do we know whatever came of that???

I'm a regular poster at iVillage. It seems that it's not clear here that there are two boards for Stepmothers - a Stepmothers support board and the SM/BM Debate board. To be honest, I've learnt more from the Debate board and my stress level is non-existent now. The women there will debate your situation, yes, but they also make you look at yourself and see what your part in the drama in your life could be. Many women are way too involved in their husband's/boyfriend's parenting of his children and it piles on unnecessary stress. Just listening to the advice of ‘step back and let dad do his job’ can save many a headache.

I'm seeing some incorrect info over here regarding the debate board as well.

(1) It's not mostly BMs. There is a pretty even mix of BMs and SMs. The SMs there are all types – SMs with no children, SMs with children and even a few ‘reverse’ SMs (SMs whose DHs had affairs that resulted in children). There are also many women who are both BM and SM. It's just not a given that SMs will automatically side with SMs or that BMs will automatically side with BMs - so you often don't know who is who right off the bat. Some BMs there get called out more than any SM. Also, some of the members there are actually FRIENDS with the BM/SM in their personal situations and simply debate for the fun of debating.

(2) Men can sign up on iVillage. There’s a guy who posts every so often on the debate board. And there are plenty of men of some other iV boards.

(3) Intelligence or lack thereof is relative. The women there are a wealth of knowledge whether the topic is child care, CS laws or something totally unrelated. BMs and SMs alike benefit.

(4) Yes, the snark is there. That is a feature of the board. Sometimes it’s called for; sometimes it’s not. It’s a community where the members know and like each other – even if it doesn’t seem that way from the outside. You will see two posters going at each other in one thread and agreeing in another. I got snark from day one when I was first there; I didn’t get offended. I stuck around and got to know the culture of the board. You either like it or you don’t, but don’t assume the reasons behind it.

I, for one, am not into any war between the two sites. And I posted here of my own accord, because I'm on the Debate board everyday and I felt I had to address the assumptions I saw here. I want to be somewhere where I can solve any issues I have, not just wallow in them. Wallowing in problems leads to resentment - of SOs, DHs and stepchildren.

Sorry. Thought it didn't post the first time.