My(F27) SO(M31) has a son (stb 5) from a previous relationship that was seriously toxic and abusive. They split 3 years ago, with my SO moving out and finding his own place. She immediately began denying him visitation and called Child services, claiming he was psychotic and a danger to children. He wasn't allowed to see his son for 4 months while they investigated the claims, and then SHE only allowed supervised visits with his parents, who had disowned him for turning away from their religion. Those visits went for another 4 months, before he was finally permitted solo visitation by BM. Ever since the 4 months of not being allowed to see him, SS has been incredibly mean to SO - grade school bullying behaviour, honestly. Additionally, the entire time SS is with SO, BM is texting and accusing him of abuse if he didn't respond within 2 minutes. I know all of this because my SO let me read their text history at the beginning of our relationship so that I would know 100% he was being truthful. Now, SS visits are Monday and Friday, 5:30-8:30pm. Regular, but super short.

Once he and I started seeing each other, she got very invasive - demanding all of my information, threatened to have me investigated by child services, accused him of finding "some random wh*re to traumatize 'her precious baby'". At the time, I had BD(now 8), and an incredibly peaceful, friendly, healthy co-parenting relationship with bio-dad. So their co-parent dynamic was like whiplash for me. Now, SO and I are engaged, bought a house, and have a 2-month baby girl together.  

When SO and I started seeing each other, we waited a *while* to introduce each other to our kids. When we did meet the kids, we agreed that parenting was off the table for now, basically just be the kids friend until the relationship with the kid progresses. Well, SS was obsessed with me immediately and wanted me involved in every second of every visit. He constantly told me that I was the coolest person ever. He even started being better behaved and actually showing love towards his dad. When his mom picked him up from visits, he would apparently talk non-stop about me for the following 2 days. I guess she hated that, because suddenly, I was the enemy. SS wakes up the day after a visit with a sniffle? BM sends an 8 paragraph text about how I "infected her baby to try to kill him". SS has a bruise or scraped knee from the park? BM claims that I must be beating SS. I really wish I were exaggerating but I absolutely am not.

Time passed, and suddenly SS started pulling away from me - refusing to let me play with him, telling me he didn't want me there, telling me to go away forever. However, when I wasn't present for visits, he was crying about how much he misses me and loves me, begging his dad to "bring his (my name) back", only to immediately be mean and hurtful as soon as I walk through the door. SO finally got him to talk about his behaviour, and SS claims that BM told him that I was the reason his mommy and daddy weren't together. (I literally met SO after they had already split, and she moved a boyfriend in 2 months after SO moved out.)

Over the span of about a year, his behaviour got worse and worse, with him constantly telling SO that he hates him, never wants to see him again, never misses him, and wishes he wasn't his daddy. There was a 2 month stretch where this kid would literally shove his own hand down his throat to make himself throw up so that he could go home early or not have to visit. He throws things at me, lies about literally everything, and genuinely becomes happy when he succeeds in making his dad cry. SO does everything he can to prevent this treatment, but literally nothing makes it stop, excepg being sent home early. I basically completely disengaged for the last 3 months of my pregnancy because I didn't have it in me to tolerate that while also heavily pregnant. I hate having either of my daughters around him at all because he's such a cruel little jerk, and I don't want them around that. But my LO is his half sister and was so excited about getting a sister, so we have them interact sometimes when she's awake during visits.

His behaviour improved a lot for the first 3 weeks after LO was born, until suddenly, one visit to the next, he was right back to being cruel. He has been refusing to enter the house, standing on the driveway throwing a massive screaming fit about how he hates SO and doesn't want to be here, with BM refusing to drive away the entire time. SS will literally hit SO until he steps back, then SS will sprint back to the car and climb in, locking the doors. When we DO manage to get him in the house, he will sit on the couch, refusing to speak to anyone for the entire visit, OR spend the whole visit telling SO how much he hates him in the calmest, most sincere voice I've ever heard from a child, smiling the whole time. SS hasn't properly visited in 2 weeks because we haven't been able to get him into the house. Talking about it with SO, apparently this isn't even new behaviour. That's how EVERY drop off has been going for a whole year. (I don't participate in drop off or pick up, as BM has refused to release him if I'm present for it). So naturally, SO is at his limit. He can't even remember the last time (pre-baby) that he actually enjoyed or looked forward to a visit. I can honestly say that we both genuinely don't even like his son. SO is at the point of heavily considering signing away all rights because it's been almost 3 years of this for him. He freely admits that me entering the picture was a god-send because his son was loving and kind for like 4 months straight. But now.... It's not getting better, if anything it's getting worse. The older he gets, the more cruel he gets. We're both terrified of what he'll do if he decides he hates his baby sister.

So yeah... that's my life. Yay?