I understand it actually; if you went in full throttle and DH wasn't pulling his weight, or you were struck down by BM. I understand that it is hard to love a child that wasn't raised by you, acts feral, and is off limits when you want nothing more than to guide them.

What I don't get is people that enter serious relationships with no intention of being part of the kids lives.

When is it okay to disengage? I got involved with DH when his kids were four states away and I had the mind set that there would be weekly phone calls and short paychecks but that was it. So I went in full throttle. Then they moved here BOOM!! I'm a step mom. I love them... I do, I see through their faults and issues and when the four girls are together I feel like I'm exactly where I am supposed to be..despite at the end of every summer our family getting ripped apart and I hate it, I feel empty, I mourn. Their mother was awful but after lighting a fire under her ass she's really stepped up and tried. Does choosing disengagement signify the end of your relationship or are we protecting ourselves?