Would it be so bad to just let go of the mess of trying to connect with alienated kids and their BM til they are 18 and if then they want to know why dad (who they call by his first name) is out of the picture then we can tell them, "hey your mom had you calling some guy dad a month after we spit, your mom and family made sure you had no memories of me in you life, I called every weekend, I sent you gifts and hand written letters once a month, i sent you pictures, I gave you our phone number and address and you never used it. That guy you called dad, you want to know why he's not in the picture? Because he's in jail accused of molesting a 9 year old girl. But your mom still lets you believe he's "Dad". Your mom lied about your address, took you from my stable home and had you living in campers and hotels and with child predators and lied to me the whole time. I told your mom you needed help in school and she ignored me til it was too late and you were so far behind the school wants to put you in special ed, and you are not retarded. I spent money trying to get you away from this mess but I could't win because suddenly she's seen the error of her ways and has her act together and uprooting you again would not be in your best interest." Would it be so bad to say "See ya when you're 18" and focus on raising our own BK?