new here and need to talk
Why do all men get such a bad rep when it comes to their children in divorce? Why does no one talk about the mothers that don't take care of their kids when they live with their dads? I am fed up with the gov. and their stereotypes. My husband has had his son for the last 6 years and daughter for the last 3 years while paying child support to their mother. We have been together for 3 years married 2, and not once has that woman offered support. We are in the process of hiring an attorney to demand child support. Their BM drives me mad. She lives 3 miles from us and doesn't interact with with kids unless it is her weekend. Sometimes not even that. What would anyone suggest I do to calm my vengence toward her?
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Talk to your hubby
I find I have to talk to my hubby about the way I feel about his ex, or it just festers inside me and eventually boils over. The other thing you can do is confront her. Not in an offensive manner, just get a few things, pre-rehearsed of course, off your chest in a calm manner. Though you may feel you want to explode on her, just saying a few things to her, even calmly, will make you feel like you had at least a little bit of a chance to give her a piece of your mind. When I am at my limit, I send a sweet as pie email to my husband's ex, addressing whatever her latest unreasonable demands are. I acknowledge her feelings and calmly explain where she is wrong. If done right, this can actually make you look like the bigger person, particularly if you ever have to go to court. And it makes you feel a lot better too.
Good luck and I hope you are successful with the child support order. Your husband absolutely deserves it.
I play on both sides of the fence
I figure what's good for the goose is good for the gander. My husband was intimidated by his ex in the past. Or as he says it just wasn't worth messing with her. Which I understand that, but now I am here and some things affect my life as well as his. I will not let anyone reguardless of who they are take advantage of my home. My husband and I have been the stability in his kiddos lives. Their BM pretends to care, but when it comes down to it, she's not around. I go to all their school activities, I'm the one that volunteers. Their BM has the opportunity (but the excuse is," I have to work") and I even make sure she knows about things. That's about to end, I'm tired of being her babysitter. She seems to think buying the kids a few clothes a year is enough. Well that is about to change.
alwaythemom - my situation
alwaythemom - my situation is the same. the ex has been steaming over the last year as I have made it clear to my fiance what is and isn't acceptable for me and my life in our home. He used to allow her to get away with the craziest stuff just because he didn't want to mess with her. Now we have started setting some boundaries in a roundabout way. i.e. the kids go to bed at 8 pm here. If she hasn't called by around 730 I have been getting the kids to call her. She knows about their bedtime and will often wait until close to 9 to call waking them and keeping them up, if she calls at all. A subtle way to change the things that affect my household without starting a battle with her over bedtimes.
It's great to see my fiance happier that he isn't so afraid of "what she might do" We have called her bluff enough times now that she has stopped throwing as many tantrums about things. The best decision we made was to have all email correspondence. No more screaming phone calls!No more lying about what was said!
I'm at the meeting
Parent/Teacher conferences today and I went, just like I always have in the past. But this time BM showed up for once. She tried to blame me and HB that SD wasn't reading on grade level. I bit back and said when she first came to us she couldn't even write her own last name cause of you BM will never get these kids back if I have anything to do with it. She stormed out of the school like she was a damn victim or something. Of course I'm grinning ear to ear cause my SD teacher told me how great I am doing and how much the kids talk about me at school. It's good to hear those things sometimes because if your like me the kids don't tell you at home. Friday is gonna be a good day also. HB is meeting with the lawyer about Child support. HB has had son since he was 5(11 now) and daughter since she was 5(she's 8)and BM thought if she gave him the kids he wouldn't file for CS WRONG!!! HB is afraid that she will try to take at least one kid back Wish me luck cause I'm gonna be right by his side with all the emails she's sent me about how our home is more stabil and the kids are better off here. To her it's all about the money, as long as she was getting his money, no problem(and she didn't even have the kids) But now what a shock to have the roles reversed. I wish I could be a fly on the wall when she is served her papers. :-o
the more I read your posts,
the more I am convinced we are from the same mold! My HB WAS LETTING THE HUMAN LEECH off easy, until I came along that is, She kept on harrassing us (mostly about SD, we could keep her SON, she wanted SD back,after abandoning them! can you believe the BRASS BALLS these SO-CALLED MOTHERS HAVE????)I finally told HB that if she continues on with her quest,then she is going to start paying out the wahzoooo! I convinced him that it was in his best interest to pursue child support.I told him (and HER) that if she continues bugging the hell out us,then she was going to pay.($150.00) a month, get real!!!! That 's nothing!!!! If she left us alone, then she wouldn't have to pay a dime,DUMBASS!!! I got my HB to file evey single time she got a new job and they garnessed her wages! SWEET REVENGE!!!! It wouldn't take her long to quit, but I would find her again,and again,till she called me and asked why, I told her remember what I said? You F**K with me, and I F**K YOU OVER-TIT FOR TAT!!! YOU LEAVE US ALONE,WE LEAVE YOU ALONE!!! She still didn't get it! And this is just one example of her going up against me, and losing!!
Like I said, What a DUMBASS!
hangingin