Yep, it all went down today...now to see if there's follow through!

It all started with DH and I giving SS a little flack about one of his newest friends he's started hanging out with. This new friend is a cross-dresser. SS made sure not to introduce DH to said friend yesterday, so DH made a comment about him/her at breakfast this morning and I asked a question (I honestly don't remember what was said exactly...yes it was a joke, I don't have a problem with gay/lesbian/transgendered/cross-dressers, anyone, it was all to give SS some crap about this guy/girl because SS had said one night this guy was dressed as a man, but the night we saw him, he was dressed as a woman...a very ugly woman at that!). So anyway...the mood was light/calm, so we thought, but was promptly ruined by SS's attitude and spouting off "you guys are fucking assholes".

I turned to him immediately and told him that was not acceptable, and he was never to call me anything like that again. Reminded him I would never talk to him like that and he would treat me with the same respect. His dad of course didn't say a word, which just pissed me off even more!

Once DH and I got in to our room alone, I reminded DH that the last time SS talked to me this way, I told him (DH) that SS needed to be told it was his last strike and the next time he disrespected me, he would be gone. Of course DH never said anything to him when I said this in the past...and won't let me follow through with this threat. But today I brought up that the disrespect is not getting better, as well as:

***SS is not making any effort to change his attitude towards me
***I was tired of dealing with SS's attitude and DH not backing me up
***SS is not making any effort to find a better job, is only working 12-18hours/week and is completely broke all the time
***SS cannot live here forever and mooch off us

I reminded DH that he is enabling both of his kids but at least SD is respectful of me, we actually get along pretty good. We need to give SS a deadline for him to work towards, to get a better job, and get his own place, even if he has to room with friends. He needs to get the hell out of our house because I'm done with dealing with his shit, and tired of BD being exposed to it. Don't want her growing up with this, thinking it's ok to treat adults this way.

DH of course tried to make excuses for him, tried to bring up all kinds of what if's, and tell me I was being unreasonable pretty much. I told him he needed to give his son more credit than he was, and instead of already having the idea that SS was going to fail, to let SS figure out his own problems and have faith/hope that he will become independent and succeed on his own!

DH shut down, stopped talking to me, told me that he felt like I had made up my mind and no matter what he (DH) said, it wouldn't make a difference in my decisions. I reminded him that no matter what I made up my mind about, concerning his kids, I couldn't enforce it if he didn't have my back/agree with me. But I needed him to back me on something, not to always make me be the bad guy in everything. And that when SS talks to me like that, I need him to have my back and tell SS off. DH said that he agreed with what I said at the time, so why should he have said something? I reminded him that if he didn't say anything to stand up for me, his silence would look like he didn't agree with what I said. We were outside at this time and I told him I was giving SS one last ultimatum when I went back in the house.

I walked back in and told SS "this is the last time you will disrespect me, ever! If you ever swear at me, call me a name, yell at me, or disrespect me in any way, you will put your phone on the kitchen table, go pack your shit and get out of my house. This is your final warning because I will not be treated this way in my own home, I will not tolerate being treated like this from (my BD) and the rules are the same for you. Do you understand?" He said he did.

AND THEN...DH surprised the hell out of me and went off on SS. Telling him that his attitude was bullshit and he was tired of it. He was tired of the fighting and disrespect, and he was not allowed to treat his wife like that ever again. The gist of the conversation went that DH finally fucking manned up, told SS that he had this next week to figure out his goals and write them down (3 mo/6 mo/1 year) so that DH and SS could go over them on Friday when DH got home. And that SS had 60 days to find a better job and a place to live, start supporting himself and act like an adult since he is almost 19. No more freeride.

I was so speechless...had no idea that DH had been listening to me, and would finally realize how frustrated I was today. I was to the point of tears, and he got me so upset that I was emotionally torn and would rather go punch some bricks because I can deal with physical pain better than emotional hell thinking this little jackass was pushing a wedge between DH and myself.

Do I think DH will follow through? Probably not. I really hope he does though, because I don't want to be the bad guy that tells SS "tough shit, time up, I'll drop you off at the homeless shelter!"