I can't stand my stepdaughter help

I have been with my fiance for little over a year but have known him from my childhood and grew up with him we rekindled and we are madly in love but his daughter my soon to be step daughter she is going to 9 at the end of july is a major problem with me she is so disrespectful and very rude and I think she may suffer from add or adhd I suffer from some mental issues myself and im am so impatient. With that being sad it's like I feel bad cause her mom is not much of one and she doesn't get the attention she deserves from her we have her all the time every weekend and every holiday even mothers day my stepdaughter is so annoying she never stops bouncing around and she is so mean to me. If my daughter doesn't want to play with her she is so rude to her she is so spoiled by her dad cause he feels bad about her life at her moms but we can't control that and her behavior here is absolutely horrible she slams doors in my face screams and yells at me she will trash her room then throw a fit when I ask her to clean it like a fit so bad that she will throw things and scream I am at the end of my rope nothing I say to her matters she literally will ignore or just argue why she doesn't need to what I'm saying she expects everything from her dad and she acts like such a baby around him even talks baby talk and ugh that drives me nuts she is 8 goung on 9 come on. he will discipline her and with in 5 minutes he is in her room apologizing to her I don't want to feel like this about her but it has been from the start of are relationship and is not getting any better we have had talks and told her that she won't be allowed here if she keeps it up but im not gonna keep my fiance from his kid but she makes me miserable and he works every other weekend and I have finally put my foot down and I refuse to be left alone with her cause I'm at the point were im gonna snap out I need help please any suggestions

Amanda Faye's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

Put your foot down

I can't remember if you said you were married or not but have your significant other set down and have a serious discussion with him. Tell him unless he can make her stick by some rules and boundaries concerning her behavior you're not gonna be responsible for her while he's working anymore. Tell him she needs to respect you as her sm and you and he will have to be a united front on this. If she messes her room up for example no tv the rest of the day and encourage him to stick to his word because children know who they can con and who they can't. I'm married to a Disney dad if not worse and when we agree on something and talk to his son he doesn't stick with it so he just goes back to the same ole behavior. In a perfect world my dh would see what his son is doing and he'd correct him but he doesn't. I get the baby voice thing too. My ss does it when he's ratting someone out for making him mind. He knows his dad is going to defend him. Dh falls for it every time and I'm setting there like wow.

Thanks

Thank you for some tips they are greatly appreciated and I have tried some of those for example I'm the bad guy now because I won't keep her on the weekends he works and he feels I treat her differently wel yeah I do when all she does act out for me

Guilty-feeling dads

If you read around on here, you'll hear about thousands of dads who feel guilty about their divorce. They turn into Disney dads, allow all kinds of misbehavior, over-spend and neglect to act like a true father. Sometimes they do this to try to become the favorite parent I think thats where your fiance is. He is not parenting her which would mean helping her mature and guiding her behavior so others like to be with her.

Any change starts with him. Is he receptive to a discussion? If the answer in your heart is no, then dont expect anything to improve. But if he won't even discuss, I wouldnt watch her on the weekends, I wouldnt want to be stuck with a resentful, undisciplined child who didn't respect me.

If you search Disney dad on this site, you will get lots of ideas. Good luck.

Thanks

Yes he does do that and him and her mother can't stand each other so there is no co parenting there and any kind of parenting I try to give she just shuts me dwn

Honestly, the advice that I

Honestly, the advice that I would give to anyone who says that they cannot stand their step kid is to not marry the parent of said "step kid".

There are always issues in relationships with kids from prior relationships but if you absolutely cannot stand the kid and your partner is partially to blame for that, because of lack of discipline or whatever, it just is not going to work. There will be constant resentment.

This.

Not only is this affecting your life negatively, it is also negatively affecting your child's life. While your life shouldn't completely revolve around your child, her peace at home should not be diminished because of your romantic relationship.

If he can't get control of his feral child, move out and just date him when he doesn't have her for visitation.

Thanks

That's not an option it's my place but we split bills and im a caregiver for my elderly grandma with Alzheimer's and dementia so I'm not going anywhere lol but yes I have mentioned if she can't behave here she doesn't need to be here he can go visit her on the weekends and drop her back off at her moms and we even sat down with my SD and she said she would be better she was for like a weekend and back to same Ole ways

Thanks

I just dnt wanna give up I am finally happy and I haven't been in so many years I think we need co parenting and rules and consequences and follow thru and he needs to back me up when I say something

This is definitely needed,

This is definitely needed, but HE has to be the one to do it. Too often, SMs over-function in this capacity to keep their BF/DH, and then they end up hating their SK and resenting their partner. You can't put in the work he has to do. It's not possible.

Additionally, it's not fair to your daughter to be exposed to a bully just so you can retain your happiness. That will damage her, and she'll resent you for making her deal with someone who mistreats her just so you can have a partner. If your partner cannot, or more appropriately will not, parent his daughter, then he needs to take visitation elsewhere.

Love is not enough in relationships. Your partner isn't as good as you think he is if he allows his daughter to be mean to your child and disrespectful to you. It's not just bad parenting; his job is to shield you from toxicity in his own family (just like you would him from yours), and he isn't upholding that end of the relationship. His failure as a parent is making him a failure of a partner. Don't let the warm fuzzy feeling he makes you feel allow you to put up with crappy treatment. You're in this for the long haul, and an unruly, unparented kid can become a rude, rebellious teenager who becomes a lazy, hateful adult who will ALWAYS be in your life. Don't let short-term sweetness blind you from long-term consequences.

You are not married....

You have some choices to make. Can you live with this dynamic? Will your fiancé make the changes necessary to make this work? In the end you have to decide how you want your life to be. If people don't want to change - they won't.

Thanks

Yes I have been sick over this and I am trying every option before I leave I love him and will not give up on him or his daughter

I can't stand my step daughter either

I'm completely understanding of what you're going through.

It hurts to admit this. .. because I only want to send you positive thoughts.

But you should run for the hills!

My boyfriend / spouse had a nightmare daughter and he spoiled her cause he has guilt that all single parents have: and she's 20 now.

I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years...lived with him and his daughter for most of it.

It doesn't usually get better.

Sorry Hun. keep your sanity.

Date a guy that has no kids.

I wish I had ...

My guys relationship with his daughter always made me feel second best ( let's just say ' righteously so') and when I complained about her...he defended her.

You'll never get support from him.

He's blinded by the parental love he feels towards his daughter

YOU ..are the cause of his stress. You make him feel torn

You will not win this

I know. .I've tried. Counseling and everything

Now I'm all alone.

Wasted 8 years of my life

I have to start dating in my 40s

Not a good feeling.

I wish you luck. I feel so bad for you ...I really do. ...

Make good decisions. I never could.

Now I'm forced.

Thanks you

I really hope you find happiness again and I definitely hear you and have been sick over this he is starting to listen and hear me and see it for his own eyes tonight actually and he stepped in and stood up for me and stood his ground now let's just see if we can keep this going I want nothing more than to be a good step mother to her and love to have her around but your right the older they get the worst things can get

Thanks you

If your SO doesn't step up

If your SO doesn't step up her behavior will only get worse. He isn't doing her any favors not being a string parent. I can also tell you as SD hits the teen years she will also turn in your SO because she will never have learned to respect him

Since you are not ready to give up on him. I strongly suggest you and him seek counseling to try and get on the same page with parenting and discipline.

You are here

I can't stand my stepdaughter help

Comments