Amcc, you need to give him a second chance. Not the children, your spouse.

Wow. I totally see both your point of view and your partner's.

In your shoes, I'd start out being willing to start small. A long weekend, not an entire week. That way you lose only one day of vacation time plus your R&R for the weekend if it all goes south.

I'd also have a couple of long talks with partner about it beforehand.

* What will he do when the predictable annoying or disruptive behaviour from SS or SD happens?
* What will he do to prepare the skids for what is expected from them on vacation?
* What does he expect from the vacation?
* What does he expect you to do if you are unhappy with how things are going?

Etc.

I can see where you both need a redo; you need to learn to not let that girl get the best of you and he needs to learn how to parent without having to be told when his kids need it. Let me start with your last vacation: you said the girl took the last water but when you wanted to go get something to drink she threw a fit so y'all went straight to the beach. You should have said, "no we need to get drinks for the beach" and continue doing as planned. When she got done eating she was ready to go and you correctly told her the rest of the table wasn't finished yet, unfortunately what you said was correct but the delivery was wrong DAD needs to tell her "we don't leave the table until everyone is done and we have paid." She got bored at the magic show and wanted to leave, your DH should have told her "no, we are all watching this show together". She probably still would have peed on herself but that's when your DH (see the common denominator) should have brought her and only her to the room and out her to bed immediately. You and the boy should have finished the show, maybe even got some ice cream. Lol. That little girl is running the show because she know her dad will let her until you make him stop. That will validate her feelings of competition for attention and placement and she will keep the cycle going to see how much she can control.

All that being said, I think you should give it another shot. This will be a learning experience for both you and your DH. If he acts the same or you end up feeling like dejavu then you know his parenting will never change no matter how much he promises how much better it will be next time. If he goes and parents his daughter and refuses to let her take control of the vacation then you can consider longer vacations. But don't be fooled, the longer the vacation the harder it will be for him to keep it up unless he's really trying hard. In addition to both of y'all learning, it will be an experience for the kids; the boy will either learn to act like his sister because she gets to control everything or the opposite because all it will take is her missing out on one or two things while her brother has a grand time before she cuts that out. And maybe, if your DH does it right and keeps his promise to be better at parenting then the girl might cut out the rest of her shenanigans.

I will say it occurred to me while typing this that your DH said "they" will be better this time because they are older...No, HE needs to be better. Don't blame his kids for his Disney Parenting (which is why she behaved the way she did) and don't let him blame the kids for their bad behavior. If they were "too young" last time then he should know it's his fault they misbehaved and they will keep misbehaving until HE behaves better (i.e. Parent them).

Well I went to Disney World with his kids and they were 12 and 13 and we broke up in the parking lot of the Caribbean Beach hotel resort. It was very dramatic and horrific. So my opinion on this is if you know how SD is and she hasn't changed, then you are going to get the same results as last time.

I agree with the others that it's worth giving a long weekend as a trial. Talk with your SO about it, but the kids are older so they may be marginally better.

From my own experience, I'm not sure I would ever go on vacation with SD24 ever again. My tolerance for her is much lower than for my own children. Even as an adult, she seems to expect to be catered to, and complains quite a bit. She's not completely horrible to spend that much time with, but it makes a vacation a bit more stressful with her there. Luckily she is an adult and chances are very slim that she would join us again.

Before I met DH, he was living with his ex-gf (the woman after he left/divorced BM). DH, his ex-gf, and SDthen13 went on a cruise together. DH said the ex-gf was furious about including SD, and hated the vacation because of it. (The only thing DH would admit to was that she wasn't happy about sharing their cabin with SD, but she knew about this when DH booked the cruise.) SD used to spend EOWe with them during the year, so the gf was used to SD, but she still didn't want to share her vacation with her. I think maybe vacationing with children who are not your own is not exactly a "vacation" and if you have limited time, it's better off waiting to use it alone.

We are going on vacation in the summer. One of my absolutely non-negotiable stipulations is that a vacacion is exactly that, for all of us: this includes me!

Therefore we go all-inclusive with daily cleaning, and usually stay at an Aparthotel: so we have an apartment with amenities (a small kitchen if I want to heat some bedtime milk for DD2 - that kind of thing) but all cooking and cleaning is taken care of. I would not go anywhere where I was expected to cook and clean up after 5 people: that is not a vacation, it's something you should get paid for.

We also make sure there are different things to do that are age-appropriate for all the kids (SD16, SD13 and DD2).

In other words: plenty of planning in advance and clear expectations for all are they way to go to minimize problems.

That said my SD's behave themselves pretty well (apart from the odd teenage moment) and my SO is not a Disney parent, plus they all know that in our home children have a voice but adults have the final say. I also have no problem in pulling up any of the kids for bad behaviour, and my SO will back me up.

I would not use my vacation time with skids that age. I would encourage my DH to take a trip with them alone, and then he and I could vacation by ourselves.

I do not waste my time off with skids. We can't even go to a restaurant together because they alternate stinking between the two of them, why in the world would I try to go out of town with them? You know the saying..... doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result = insanity.

Our first "vacation together", when SDs were 10 and 8, was for a week.
And I told DP as soon as we got home NEVER again until they
1) behave in public and listen to both of us - they wouldn't listen to him
2) eat better - they were extremely picky eaters, SD12 still is, because finding a restaurant was a nightmare due to DP asking SDs what THEY wanted rather than just finding a place and telling them to eat.
3) not whine about wanting to leave somewhere just because they were bored now.
4) SDthen8 got homesick the last day and was whining, and hyper at the same time.
5) DP allowed them to RUN all over a museum...I actually walked off to another section to get away from them and "got lost."
6) we had no down time...
7) They have their own luggage and are responsible for it.

If there's some control at home, if they eat pretty well and can sit through a normal restaurant meal, if they don't run loose wherever they are, and if he doesn't undermine you, you may try again.

I go on trips with them infrequently still, but I do go. DP understands that I do NOT keep my mouth shut on trips if they are misbehaving and we do not cater to their palates (we try to find places that have a little of everything but ultimately are the adult choice). This year they will have their own roller suitcases and DP or I will NOT be handling it for them. I also make sure I have some time alone.

If your partner can't meet basic requirements at home, it's hard to do on a trip.
My DP is a great Disney Dad, but he's improving...if you can say that, a short trip may be enough.