why
Why does he feel the need to call the BM daily and discuss general happenings with her? Is it really any of her business that I made spaghetti for dinner and SS only had one sheet of homework. The homework was finished and signed, and the dinner was eaten. Why would he call her to tell her about it?
I had this nonsense stopped until the BM got a new Boyfriend. Now it's like my DH needs to keep tabs on her all the time. He really wants to know why we got SS a day early last week, truth is her and her new Boytoy went to the races and didn't want to take SS (can't say that I blame them for this he's a brat).
It's almost like he wants her to be miserable (she cheated on him and kicked him out of his house because in her words she was pretty sure that the grass would be greener if he didn't exist.)
I hate that she exists, I hate that she lives down the road from us now (we lived here first and we're buying our house, she just rents).
Why does this situation drive me insane. I want to smack him and say look, she's gone I'm here, I love you and if you still love that f-ing c-word then go f-ing live with her. GRRRR I'm just so frustrated.
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That would drive me crazy too
Can you actually smack him and tell him that?
This has got to stop. They are not married and she is not his family anymore.
You need to talk it out with DH, I suppose, or he won't know it drives you up a wall. Perhaps ask him how he would feel if you were calling a male "friend" each night to discuss the day's happenings?
Perhaps you could try that calling a male friend thing? Very passive-aggressive, but even so ...
ive tried
We talk about it and he says he won't do it anymore then I get the cell phone bill(we have a diff provider than her) and it is outrageous because he talks to her for like 20 minutes a day which really adds up. They aren't talking about the kid, they usually just talk about her and what we've been doing throughout the day. He even told her about the classes that I am taking this semester like it's any of her business. Last night I told him I didn't want him talking to her at all unless it was concerning the child. There shouldn't be that much communication anyway we have a set drop off time and know who does the dropping off. The only conversations could be about his (SS)s upcoming surgeries.
He doesn't understand why it bothers me. Maybe I need to start calling an ex and telling him all about my day, maybe he would get it then. idk just needed to vent
Andrea
My DH was like this at first. I got really irritated with it. So... he just started doing it behind my back. It took me five yrs to catch on to the fact that maybe he still had feelings for BM...(read my post "DH STILL LOVES BM?")
I dont want to see you get hurt, I just want you pay attention to your instints. Dh is sending up a signal here!!!!
"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."
Change the cell number
Andrea, you really need to lay down the law because your being taken advantaged of big time and I've read a few other posts where I would like to suggest changing the cell number and only giving her your home number. Tell dh you've had enough and enough of the lies and you will walk if he gives her his new cell. And I certainly wouldn't play any games in calling ex's, but I would leave for a few days when SS visits if he still refuses to change, that might let him know you are serious. Go to a hotel, relative, friend ect. but you need to do something and for sure get yourself more financially prepared. This is beyond crazy and he doesn't want to let go of this woman, so maybe you guys shouldn't have gotten married to begin with. Basically he needs to choose either his wife or exwife, because thats where it at I'm afraid. good luck
Put your foot down now!
He is married to you, and he should discuss non-skid stuff with you!! I would seriously confront him with the cell phone bill...
My DH was talking to his ex all the time when we first married, almost like he didn't know how to break the cycle (she bitched, he was the whipping boy, over and over again every time), and I said "ENOUGH. I will not take it!"
Sounds like he's still emotionally invested in his ex. Now I politely ask that my DH talk to the ex in front of me, if he doesn't have anything to hide, and since they're just talking about kid business.
Think of it this way, if the above works most of the time, and cuts down most of the calls, then you've accomplished a lot! Then maybe it will trickle down even more. Sounds like he needs to kick the bad habit.
Bad mistake
This is inappropriate. He should have been doing that when married to her. He needs to speak w/you about the happenings. The BM can call the school directly speak w/the teacher directly and find out herself. He won't respect you if you don't respect yourself. Tell him you feel its inappropriate and to let her update herself w/the school. If he doesn't stop, then there are more than updates involved here...
Run away!!
It will not get better. FH and I are going through MAJOR problems because even though he has stopped the mistrust and resentment is still there causing us problems.
Very inappropriate
He actually sounds like a BM. His BM gets a new boyfriend and now he has to talk to her everyday? Is he trying to keep her in his life or something? That's what it sounds like. I would put my foot down on that one. There is no excuse for their conversations. I would definitely keep tabs on the phone bills.
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
Andrea so sorry your going
Andrea so sorry your going through this.
Have you ever point blank asked him if he still has feelings for bm? I don't think this is right for him to do. YOU are his wife not her. Talking about the kids is one things but 20 minute a day talks about their lives? There is NO reason for that at all.