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My stomach is in knots

AndSoItIs's picture

I took the day off work today. Usually I like to get all of my working done on days we have the skids. Leaves for the least amount of interaction time possible, and while I hope this changes once everything is done and we can get back to "how things used to be", right now it's best for my OWN mental health and clarity that I'm not around them. I'm too bitter right now. So I try to schedule my hours and work a TON while they're with us, that way, every other weekend when they're with BM, I am free from work, them, and anything else that might take away from enjoying my life the way it "could've been" haha.

We have a meeting with our atty this afternoon to "finalize" everything before court bright and early Monday morning. I plan to go get a pedicure, because I am in desperate need of one, and because it will help me unwind before we go in to meet with him. I always get so uptight when I go in to his office, I think even the smell just immediately puts my stomach in one huge knot.

I've been stress eating the past few days. Damnit!! I lost quite a bit of weight right before my wedding in November (I'm 5ft tall, so "a lot" of weight to me is like 10-15 lbs) and I wasn't even trying. I wasn't sleeping, we had court 2 weeks before the wedding which then got continued to 9 days after we got back from our honeymoon, so I was stressed from that, had graduation in December from grad school coming up so I was super stressed from that, I wasn't "really" eating, I was drinking SF redbull like it was going out of style, the pounds just melted away. While I'm not complaining, it was a HUGE PITA when I had to have my dress altered 4 times to fit correctly and I had my last fitting 3 days before the wedding, and they then had to alter it slightly still bc, of course, I am cursed with the whole I lose weight in my breasts before anything else. Meh. Oh well. I just WISH there was some way to trick my body in to thinking that it needs to do that again. Now it seems to have gone into some crazy other mode that it wants to store everything. I gained approx 3lbs on my honeymoon (again, I'm only 5ft tall, so that's a lot in a week) because well, we were on an island, it was all inclusive, they produced rum on the island (yay st croix!!) and well, I drank...a lot. Plus the food was delicious and I was for sure eating at least 3 times a day. I was okay with it. Then when I got back I got back to the whole, eating once a day thing, and I've been fine. Because of this most recent stress though, I find myself eating and eating and eating. Constantly. And all crap, too. Nothing good for you. I'm craving sweets like nobody's business. Blah! I can not go in to court on Monday and look even a little off. I shall vow to not eat this weekend and I will be great to go Monday morning!! Haha, I'm kidding of course. But I wish there was some little miracle wand I could take and wave over my hips to make me feel better about them having a little extra padding on them than the last time we went in. I'm sure we've all been there. I just needed to vent. As I eat my double stuft golden oreos...

Comments

AndSoItIs's picture

I've seriously considered taking up smoking before I'll take xanex. I need something, and at least smoking curbs your appetite, and is a stimulant!! Haha.

Totalybogus's picture

and it smells and is extremely unattractive... DON'T DO IT! Yoga helps

AndSoItIs's picture

Haha, I was only joking of course in regard to considering taking up smoking. The smell revolts me, and especially when someone comes in from outside smoking and they just reek of it. Sorry mazzy, no offense taken I hope. Smile I do the Carmen Electra strip aerobics, I tried the yoga thing, too much inner reflection for my taste :), but the CE thing is super fun, and makes you feel sexy too!!

AndSoItIs's picture

I can only imagine! Nicotine is a bitch of a drug, that's for sure. I will always be thankful to my cousin for me not smoking (nearly all the women in my family do) but we were like 10 or 11 and he had stolen one of his moms cigarettes and we were going to try it. I asked him "how do I do it?" (bc he had been doing this often for a while at that point, and I never had) he told me "oh you just swallow the smoke when you breath in"...I coughed so hard I vomited, and well, never ever ever had the desire to do it again!! Haha.

AndSoItIs's picture

Oh I always do!! Last time we went she wore the lowest cut shirt that she had (now, this is someone that has the body shape of a boy. I'm petite, but I have curves and look like a woman) and um...fire engine red 4 inch pointy toed pumps...she's 5'11" (yes DH went for the opposite of her in EVERY regard when he picked me) She looked like a damn street walker. Being that well, I have some sense, I always dress business professional for court and because I'm me, and I'm crazy and like to look cute, I make it age appropriate (I'm 25) so like last time I wore grey checkered (very small checkers) slacks and the one button jacket to match, but a teal top underneath for some color. Being that it's very hot here (90+ this week, and rain...oh joy humidity) this week I'm wearing a business skirt suit that's light grey with a light pink top underneath. And pearls. Always pearls. Haha.

I mean, I've never mentioned this because it really probably has no bearing what so ever, but the Judge we're dealing with, and one other one that we've dealt with in the past, live in my grandparents gated subdivision. I've known these men, in passing really, all of my life as I lived with my grandparents from the time I was 14. Anyway, my grandparents know these men very well, and honestly like I said, I don't think that has any bearing on our situation because they probably don't think twice about it as now my last name has changed, and I've never actually been involved with anything until now other than sitting next to DH for moral support, bc of how/where I grew up I know how to dress, and how to act in situations that require those things of me. BM well...she's a street walker, and clearly with her alcoholic mother was not "raised right" if you will, and thinks that showing off her boney clavicles makes her look hot. IMHO (of course), it makes her look like a legit crack head.