So, if you read my last blog, SS7 has ADHD. His father has it, and pretty much everyone on his paternal side has it. I have been saying forever now that SD5 has it worse than SS7. She literally can NOT sit still. She is constantly fidgeting, when you look at her she can't look at you, her brain is constantly on high alert. It's pretty textbook when you watch her. We haven't taken her to get evaluated because thus far, because she hasn't been in school until this year, it hasn't really "effected" her all that much because she's just been in daycare and while there is some structure and the one that they attend is academically focused, it isn't the same as sitting in a classroom for 6 hours and listening to the teacher. I have always told FDH though, mark my words, that kid is going to need to be even more medicated than her brother as soon as she starts school. Welp...she started Kindergarten the beginning of this month. The school they go to it's an all day Kindergarten program and well...she hasn't had ONE good day. Every single day in their assignment book, notes from the teacher about how SD5 can't sit still, she continues to talk at inapproriate times, she continues to bother others while doing class work. Well, now we got a letter sent home from guidance today explaining that SD5 is not developing as quickly socially and they want to put her in some focus group for it...um...yeah, no. BM had full custody of the skids during SS7s Kindergarten year. He was eventually put in special education classes because he was so disruptive and I believe he participated in a similar "focus group". Last year during 1st grade, the ONLY two things that changed for SS7 was that a. we had custody T-F and b.he was put on ADHD medication. He did amazingly. He got honor roll every 9 weeks and got the President's and the Principal's award at the end of the year. One is for behavior, one is for academics and right now I can't remember which one is which. This year for the first month we tried doing it "her" (BMs) way, which involved a multi vitamin, fish oil supplement, and a folic acid supplement every day. (mind you the kid's anemic so WE give him iron too, but she never mentioned that...idiot.) Anyway apparently she found this new fangled way of doing things on the internet and swore that it worked while he was at her house...1.5 days a week...so we did it her way. Because she basically downright refused to let him get back on the medication. He hadn't taken it all summer because well, he didn't "need" it and he wasn't having withdrawl symptoms. I'm an RN and I very much understand the addiction factor with medications like this and at such a young age, we and his pediatrician agreed that if he wasn't having issues, when he didn't "need" it to be focused on something like school work, no need to give it to him. Anyway so we did this for a month. He did not have one good day. He was bringing home his daily sheets with less that 50% of the points earned because he would literally sit there while the rest of the class was working on assignments they had been given and do nothing. I asked him one day what he did all day while the kids were doing their work. He said "stretching"...I can't even tell you how frustrating it is to KNOW that your child (okay not MY child biologically, PLEASE don't get into that argument with me. He's mine as far as I'm concerned and I absolutely see it as part of my job/role whatever you want to call it to do my best to help him succeed. Anyway...)is struggling and that you very much have the ability to help him and because of some ignorant bitch that is ONLY wanting to be difficult (she really has absolutely no reason for us as to why she doesn't want him taking the meds. None. It's because SHE didn't think of it and according to her everything that WE do is only to hurt the kids...but that's another blog...) you can't help him. He asked several times if he could take his "medicine pill" because he said that it would help because his brain is crazy but with it he can concentrate. Look, I'm honest with them. (well...to a point...we make it an absolute no tolerance policy to bad mouth BM in our home. The way that I see it, that makes us no better than she is and it will only make them grow up to resent me because they will think I'm trying to make them hate their mother. They will figure it out on their own eventually, I hope. SS7 is already starting to. They're not dumb. They know.) Anyway, I'm honest with them. We've never "kid" talked to them. Same as when they ask a question about science or math or something. We don't dumb it down. Which is probably why SS7 is reading at a 7th grade level and LOVES reading his copy of the freaking Oddessey, hell IDK if I spelled that right lol, every night before he goes to bed. FDH has a genius complex and has definitely passed that gene on to SS7. But hey, whatever works. Anyway when we asked me why he couldn't take his medicine I told him. I told him because his mother didn't want him to and that we couldn't give it to him without her permission. He then asked her if he could take it and she told him no, and gave no reason. Well, I know this is redundant if you read my last blog but long story short they found a loophole in the CO and SS7 is on his meds without BMs approval although she is aware. He is doing wonderfully in school and his teacher and guidance counselors have all commented on how happy they are that he is "back to normal". Now comes my question to all of YOU.

We desperately need to get SD5 evaluated. The evaluation process is pretty simple. Basically the pediatrician meets with you and your child, and observes their behavior for a bit and they then give you 2 forms. One to be filled out by the childs teacher, one to be filled out at home. They are then returned and the doctor makes his recommendations based on those. I absolutely know that she is ADHD and that they will want to put her on medication, and that probably just like her brother the medication will work and all will be well in the world. BUT. Since we took SS7 last year things have gotten more sticky. FDH and BM attended a mediation and there they agreed to add a new "bullet point" if you will, to the PP and CO. It says that if any kind of appointment is made for the child (whether it be medical, dental, or recreational) that the parent making the appointment must inform the other parent within 72 hours of the time for the appointment in order to give the other parent time to attend if they choose to. Also, if the other parent does not attend and any kind of diagnosis/treatment is given that they do not agree with, they have the right to get a second opinion. If the second opinion differs from the first the first 2 opinon givers appoint a third party, and whatever decision the third party makes is what stands. Now, I KNOW that she is going to be hard pressed to find an opinion differing from the original if we get it BUT...we have to make the appointment with her pediatrician and I know that if one parent is so completely opposed to the court of treatment, while they may advice her that shes stupid (in MUCH more PC terms I'm sure) they aren't going to do it. Plus, it's just another fight and headache that we have to deal with.

This poor child is getting in trouble every day at school and now they basically want to stick her in some special education class and she's NOT mentally disabled in the slightest. She's behaviorally disabled and that can easily be remedied. We have a court date on the 26th of this month for full custody. We want them M-F and to be appointed as the sole decision makers. She's a dumbass and we just recently found out that her lawyer has dropped her as a client and she has not made any attempt to follow the CO ordering that we pay the GAL and she's made no attempt to contact the GAL herself, OR return the GAL's phone calls or respond to correspondance from the GAL's office. The court date was pushed back from last month bc she hadn't yet paid. FDH's lawyer is now very confident that the judge will charge her with contempt and side with the GAL's opinion that we are the more stable household and that they children should be with us the entire school week rather than just T-F. I personally want to just wait it out until then because then we don't have to have the fight with BM about it because we can just do it and she won't have a say. But every day when I pick SD5 up from her after school care, and every single day when I have to read through the notes the teacher has sent...it just makes me want to scream. Of course we do punish SD5 for behaving badly. I don't think this is an excuse and she does know how to behave, but on an intellectual level it does hurt because I know that it really isn't her fault and that she could so easily be helped and be a "good" kid in school just like her brother. He has no problems while not on his meds behaving at day care and at home. Neither does she. In fact they're both very well behaved children. It's the ridgid structured school enviornment.